Best Intentions

It's been a couple of weeks since graduation. I still had no idea what I was going to do. But it didn't matter right now. Tonight was going to be about the guys. They were going on tour in 2 days. And they were throwing a party tonight. Something like a "despedida" or a going away party, since they were gonna be really "busy" the next 2 days and didn't want to party in those two days so they decided to have it tonight. They wanted to spend those two days differently. No parties, no work, not anything. Just the five of us. I was looking forward to the next two days, but tonight I just wanted to have fun and get wasted. I deserved it.
"So what are you wearing tonight?" Cass asked from the other side of the phone.
"Nothing special" Tay answered
"Won't you at least try to dress up, just this once? For the guys" Cass asked. In case you haven't noticed I wasn't really the type to get all dolled up. I was fine wearing my black skinny jeans and a top. But tonight was different. Cass was right. I should at least try. So I took a long shower. And once I got out, I went straight to my closet. I put on a pair of acid wash jean shorts and a top that lifted just above the belly and I put on a pair of vans. Now my vans, I wasn't gonna give up. It didn't really matter what I wore, but I had to wear my vans. I don't really like heels. Never did, never will. I just wasn't comfortable in them. And there was no way in hell that I was going to wear them. Not even for the guys. I had to at least have one thing on that reminded me of who I was, because honestly these shorts and top is not who I was. I snapped out of my trance as soon as Sam called me down because Cass arrived.
"You look great! Now let's go get hammered!" Cass said. I just smirked at her

~~~

Once we got there Cass spotted someone she knew she told me not to do anything stupid and we parted ways. I was greeted by a 3 drunk guys and one who is still sober.
"What's up baby girl! Finally got here, eh?" Rian and Zack teased I just laughed at how drunk they were.
"Let's fuck shit up" Jack drunkingly said. I, again, laughed at the three of them.
"Hey Tayson" Alex said
"Glad to see you're still sober" I teased.
"Well you see, I was waiting for this girl. So you know, we could kinda get hammered together." Alex explained jokingly
"Ahh. I see" I told him while laughing.
"Come on, let's get drunk!" Alex yelled

~~~

I woke up the next morning. My head was pounding. My vision was blurry. I finally regain my vision, but my head's still aching. I'm in a familiar looking room. My clothes scattered all over the room. Nothing but the duvet on me. There was a guy next to me. I was sweaty and disgusting. At least that's what I felt. Suddenly, my memory's gone back. Images of the boy and I kissing. Us getting out of the party. Everything, all the things that happened last night came rushing back. No. This was not happening. I slept with Alex Gaskarth. No. This couldn't be happening right now. I quickly and quietly collected all my clothes, trying not to wake the sleeping body. I rush out of the room. I rush out of the house. I was in a hurry to get home. I just wanted to take a shower and forget about everything.

As soon as I got to the driveway I ran into Devin.
"Look who decided to come home?" He teasingly said
"Shut up, Devin. I'm not in the mood" I told him with an obvious annoyance in my voice.
"Fine, fine. Enjoy the walk of shame!" He said. Gahh! That guy. Don't get me wrong. He's my brother. I love him to death, but sometime he was just too much.
"Whatever" I said shoving him

I ran up to my room. I slammed the door, I took all the clothes from last night off. I got in my bath tub and just lay in there for about an hour. I got out of the tub and put on some clean clothes. I lay in bed and decided to call Cass. I told her everything and she said that she would come over. A few minutes later she came barging in my door.
She could see the tears forming in my eyes and before i could say anything she cut me off
"No Tay. Please don't cry! This is all my fault. If I hadn't left you in the first place then you and Alex wouldn't have been alone and this would've never happened! I am so sorry" and before i knew it Cass was the one crying not me. And I was laughing. She really does know how to cheer me up. I made the right decision to call her. She really did cheer me up.
"Stop crying, Cass! You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't have gotten drunk anyway! Really stop crying now" I told her
"God, you are so stupid, you know?" She told me while crying and laughing at the same time
"I know" I told her while laughing.
"I told you not to do anything stupid!" She told me
"I know. I'm sorry" I told her. She just smiled at me sympathetically

~~~~

We spent 5 hours just in my room eating and watching movies. It was 2 o'clock when I received a text from Alex
Alex:
*Hey, can we talk? :)*
Me:
*Sure :)*
Alex:
*Great. I'll meet you here?*
Me:
*Yeah*
"Who are you texting?" Cass asked
"Alex. He wants to talk.." I told her
"You guys should" she said
"Cass, I don't want to.." I tell her
"You have to. You said yes, didn't you?" she asks. I nod
"Then go. come on, I'll drive you" she says. I hesitate then I finally agree

~~~

The drive to Alex's was pretty quiet. Cass kept giving me these looks that I've learned to hate in just a short time.
"Cass, stop looking at me like that" I said in annoyance
"sorry, I just can't help but feel responsible for all this. I mean, if I hadn't left you alone that night nothing would've happened." she told me
"Cass, it's okay. Seriously. It's not like i died or anything. It was honestly all my fault. I got ignorant." I reassured her
"You sure you're going to be alright?" she asked
"Yeah. Call you later, okay?" I told her. She nodded
I made my way to the front door. I was just about to ring the doorbell when Alex opened the front door.
"Hey, I saw Cass' car drive away and I figured you would've been here already" He said. I just stared at him. I couldn't say anything. It's like I wasn't myself
"You okay?" he asked
"yeah. Why do you ask?" I return
"You're just being really awkward right now, Tayson. I mean you won't even 'barge' in like you always do" he says
"I do not barge in!" I tell him
"Sure, whatever. You're probably just remeniscing about last night, huh?" he says with a smirk on his face. I can feel hot blood rush through my cheeks. I know that he took notice of this because he winks at me
"Whatever, Alex." I scowl at him.
"Hey, I kid" he throws his arms up
"you said you wanted to talk?" I told him questioningly
"yeah.." he said. he was nervous. I could sense that he was nervous.
"Look, Al--" I was cut off
"Last night was confusing an--" this time i cut him off
"It's cool. Let's just forget about it, okay?"
"Forget about it? How could you say that? Did it mean nothing to you?" he was raising his voice
"What kind of a question is that? Of course it meant something to me. Do you think that low of me?" I yell back
"Then why do you want to forget about it?" he asked now in a gentler tone
"Because I can't take that dramatic shit. I know you know that. You're going on tour tomorrow, Alex. I don't want to mess things up. You're one of my bestfriends." I told him
"Take a chance on me, will you?" he asked
"I'm sorry..." I tell him
"You said you didn't want to ruin things, well guess what? Too late. You slept with me already." he said in a harsh tone
"You're such a jerk!" I slapped him. He deserved that. He was basically calling me a whore.
"Just leave me the hell alone, Tay." he said. I rushed out of his room for the second time today. "Fine go leave. That's what you're good at anyways." was the last thing I heard before I was fully out of his room and his presence.
~~~

I woke up the next day. My eyes were puffy and red from crying all night. Lindsey, Sam, and even Devin went up to check on me occasionally, but I would just shoo them away. I was lost in my thoughts until another knock came on my door. I tried to tell them to go away, but this time it wasn't Lindsey, Sam or Devin who knocked
"Hey sweet cheeks. We're leaving in awhile and we just wanted to say goodbye" Jack said. Behind him was Rian and Zack, but no sign of Alex.
"Already?" I asked
"Yeah, Kiddo! We'll miss you" Rian said
"Don't worry, you're still our number one fan" Jack said with a wink. I rolled my eyes at him
"Don't do anything stupid while we're gone, okay" Zack finally said. I nodded while laughing. These guys always knew how to make me feel better. But at one point I had to ask about Alex. He couldn't just leave me, could he?
"Where's Alex?" I asked sounding more eager than I intended to sound.
"Oh... Tay... He just needs to cool off for a bit. He's still pretty upset about the incident." Rian said giving me a sympathetic look similar to what Cass gave me yesterday. I hated that look.
"Oh" was all I could say. It was awkward after that. But luckily someone called Jack on his phone, it signaled that they had to go. We all said our goodbyes and honestly I was dreading this moment. I never wanted them to leave. But they had to. I knew that. And if Alex wasn't going to come say goodbye, then fine I'll let him leave.. After all that's what we're both good at anyways.