Best Intentions

Yesterday was hell. I couldn't let what happened yesterday happen again. Although, a very small part of me wanted Alex and Rosie to meet. After all, he was one of my bestfriends. But most of me didn't want anything to do with him after all the bullshit we've been through. It's just that Alex can be complicated sometimes. I just can't take him right now. It's too much for me to handle. I've got a lot on my plate. Trouble was something I wanted to avoid. And Alex is trouble. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy to death but I just can't take any of this bullshit right now.

I snapped out of my trance as the door rang signalling that there were costumers coming in. I looked up to see who was coming in when I saw 4 boys smiling at me.
"TAYSON OH MY FUCKING GOD IT'S BEEN TOO GODDAMN LONG!" Rian shouted. I came over running to them. I haven't seen any of them except for Alex. I hugged Rian
"what about me?" Zack said and I hugged him too. He tussled my hair
"Fucking mature, Zack" I hissed at him
"Yeah, fucking mature Zack" Jack said mocking me. I rolled my eyes at him "Give me hug, Tay!" he said and I ran over to him and he gave me a bear hug.
"Nice to see you again, Tay" Alex said and I smile at him
"Wait, you guys have seen each other already?" Jack asked
"Yeah, yesterday and the day before" Alex said, a smirk making it's way to his mouth
"Why do you get to see her first?" Rian and Jack asked
"Because I'm sexy and you guys are losers" Alex teased.
"Hey, I'm damn sexy too! And Rian's the only loser here!" Jack said
"If anyone's the loser here it's you Jack" Rian said back at him. I smiled remembering how much I missed these guys.
"So, are you and Rosie going back to the park later?" Alex whispered
"No." I said
"Can I at least visit you guys?" he asked me
"I don't think so, Alex. Last night was a one time thing, okay?" I told him
"Tay, I'm trying to reconnect with you. I'm trying to make up for the past five years... For leaving you. But you won't let me in. You're pushing me away and it hurts." He told me
"Alex, I have a daughter now. She's my priority. I can't just hang out with you like before. I have other responsibilities now." I explained to him
"I know. And I want to help you with this. Or at least get to know her better. She is the daughter of my bestfriend!" Alex told me in a hushed tone to make sure that no one but the both of us heard what he said.
"Don't you get it, Alex? I don't want your help. Five years ago, you told me to leave you the hell alone. Here I am now, doing what you told me to do and now you're expecting me to come back to you. Act as if nothing happened? Hell, you didn't even come say goodbye to me when you left!" At this point I was already yelling
"That's what I'm trying to make up for, Tay! For leaving. But here you are, pushing me away. You're not letting me in and it's hurts, Tay!" he was yelling now too
"Well, that's what you asked me to do, right?" I screamed back.
Zack and Rian were trying to prevent us from further fighting. Zack took Alex out of the shop while Jack and Rian were trying to cool me down.
"Well, 3 days in town and you two have already been fighting! That's a new record" Rian said
"We've been fighting in those 3 days" I told both of them.
"What? You've been fighting since we got here?" Jack asked in disbelief. They were both laughing their asses off
"What's so funny?" I asked both of them. They looked at each other. Apparently, it was a sign that one of them had to talk to me. And I think Jack lost because he was the one who was talking to me. Rian went out and tried to cool Alex off
"What happened between the both of you? You never used to fight, you know!" Jack said
"I don't know" I told him.
"It's like, after that night at the party nothing's ever been normal" He told me
"Yeah" I shortly replied
"I know that you guys slept with each other and it made everything more complicated that he just left after you guys got into a huge fight, but he's trying to make up for it. Give him a chance, will you?" he said
"I'm just not ready for this, Jack." I told him
"What aren't you ready for?" he asked
"everything" I told him
"That's pretty vague, isn't it?" he said
"I'm sorry. I just can't handle him right now." I told him
"Okay. I'm sure he'll understand, but you be the one to tell him. It'll at least make the situation a little better" he told me. I just nodded.
Alex came in with Zack and Rian. It's like he was able to read my mind or something.
"Look, Tay. I'm sor--" I cut him off
"No. I'm sorry, Alex, but I just can't deal with this right now. Not with everything going on. I can't take it right now." I told him
"I'm not giving up" he told me
"Just leave me alone. Leave US alone" I told him
"Us?" Jack and Zack asked at the same time. Oh no. What did I just say. I didn't want them to find out just yet. Not like this. Alex gave me this look. It's like he was asking me if I should answer or he should answer. I mean what kind of a question is that? He has no right to answer. I should be the one to answer this.
"Do you have a boyfriend or something?" Jack asked
"No no no!" I told Jack. I could see Alex in the corner of my eye smirking "Guys, I-I- I have a daughter" I told Jack
"A what? A daughter?" Rian said in shock. I just looked at him, at them
"How did this-- When did this-- Oh my fucking God why didn't you tell us sooner?" he said
"I wanted to but with everything happening with Alex right now, I just thought that maybe now wasn't the right time." I told him
"Then when was?" Jack said
"I don't know. I'm sorry." I told him
"Is she... Alex's?" Rian asked
"No." I said blankly
"So, you do have a boyfriend!" Zack said trying to change the subject because it got so awkward
"No, I don't" I told all of them. Rian and Zack looked angry. They were like older brothers to me. Before, they were so protective of me. I could only guess what they must be feeling right now.
They knew they shouldn't ask who the father was. I was glad that they knew not to cross that line.
"Tay, you know we're here for you, right?" Zack said. I nodded at them, giving them a forced smile.
"So when are we gonna meet this little angel of yours?" Rian asked
"She wouldn't even let me meet the kid at first what more you guys!" Alex said. I shot him a look that told him not to cross that line and he just looked down at his feet
"You guys can come over to my apartment tonight to meet her." I said smiling at them

The guys decided to wait for me. Jack, Rian, and Zack were checking records out and I was left with Alex at the counter.
"Don't think your off the hook" I told him bitterly
"Come on, Tay. I gave you a second chance, give me one?" he said
"Al--" I was cut off
"I'm sorry." he said in a genuine way
"You know I can never stay mad at you for long, right?" I said.
"You know I love, right?" he said
"Who doesn't?" I asked him jokingly trying to light up the mood. He just rolled his eyes at me and kissed the side of my forehead.

~~~

We got to my apartment and Cass and Rosie were on the couch watching some tv. I asked her earlier to pick up Rosie for me and she said okay.
"Mommy, mommy you're home!!" Rosie said running to me
"Yeah, sweetie. Did you miss me?" I said
"Of course I did" she said as her small arms were wrapping my waist since I was so short.
"I missed you too, baby" I said hugging her back tightly but not too tight.
"Alex, you're here!" Rosie said to Alex
"That's right, angel. I am here!" Alex said smiling genuinely at her
"Who are they?" She asked me pointing at Jack, Zack, and Rian
"I'm Rian! and who are you?" Rian said to Rosie
"I'm Rosie! You're so big!" she said jumping around
"Well hello there, Rosie! I'm Jack it's nice to meet you!" Jack told Rosie
"Hi Jack! Wait, how did you know my name. I haven't told you yet!" She asked
"You just said your name... out loud" Jack mumbled at her
"But I didn't say it to you" Rosie said cockily. She's so much like her father. Just seeing the resemblance makes me smile "Mommy said it's rude to other peoples conversiations" Rosie said
"Rosie honey, it's conversations" I corrected her
"Yeah, Rosie" Jack said. I couldn't help but just laugh at the both of them. Jack was acting like such a child.
"Sorry mommy" she said looking down at her feet
"It's alright sweetheart!" I told her
"Who's this mister?" She asked pointing to Zack
"Hi! I'm Zack. And you are?" Zack said trying not to make a fool of himself
"I just told you! My name's Rosie!" She said. She liked messing with people. Just like her father.
"But you just.. you said. nevermind" Zack mumbled

"She's something special, you know?" Jack told me
"I know" I said smiling at him
"You sure she's not Alex's? She sure as hell looks a lot like him, but she has your eyes" he said
"I'm sure" I told him

~~~

"Come on, Rosie. Time to go to bed!" I called out
"But I'm not done playing with Jack!" she said. God she was stubborn. Something she got from me, probably. I hate that she got that from me.
"Come on, now!" I said
"No!" She said
"Andrea Rose Jardine, you go to bed this instant" I said my voice raising
"Come on, Rosie. Listen to your mom, okay?" Alex said
"Okay" Rosie said frowning
I brought Rosie to her room trying to tuck her in
"Mommy, sing for me?" she said. So I did. In a matter of minutes she was fast asleep. I opened the door and went out but as soon as I got out the door I saw Jack beside the door frame
"Just like her father" Jack said with a smirk on his face
"Huh? What?" I asked him trying to play dumb
"Don't play dumb, Tay! He used to ask you to sing for him all the time! She's picked up a lot of things from her father! You have to tell him, Tay!" he said
"Jack, you don't understand!" I said
"Oh, I understand perfectly. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked
"I was scared.. I still am." I told him
"I know you are, but you have to tell him now, before everything gets out of hand. He's already missed 5 years of the kids life. The sooner you tell him the easier both of you will be able to handle this." he said
"I know. Just not now. Soon, I promise. Just don't tell anyone, please?" I practically begged him
"I won't. Now let's go before they get suspicious" he said. We went back to the living room.
"She asleep?" Rian asked
"Yeah" I said
"She's something special, you know! A little cocky though" Zack said laughing. I laughed too.
"Well, I need to get going. I told my mom I would go out early tomorrow to do some errands for her" Rian said. Rian was Zack and Jack's ride so I thought they were all leaving too.
"I thought you were leaving too" I told Alex
"I brought my own car" he said
I sat beside him on the couch. He put his arm around me and I put my head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry" he whispered
"You said that already" I told him
"I know. I just thought you needed to know that again" he said
"I know" I told him
It was silent for a moment. But I like the silence. Moments like these were what I missed most about High School.
"What happened?" he asked
"he left" I said blankly
"Hmm. Well for a douche he did a pretty good job making Rosie" he said
"I know." I told him
"You never told me who 'he' was" he said
"I plan on keeping it that way" I told him
"Tay, I'm just trying to catch up, but it's like you've built up this super guarded wall and you won't let it down. It's like I can't break through to you" he said
"I'm sorry. I'm trying" I gave him a genuine smile. He just wrapped his arms around me.