I Know The Way You've Been Living

I feel like shit right now. Finals are coming up in a week, I got shitload of stuff that I need to cover and I don’t have my head on right. I haven’t spoken to Brian since the night at the hospital and damn it I miss him so much. I know I’m doing the right thing by keeping my distance, especially since I’ll be leaving to New York in a matter of months. But I just couldn’t help thinking ‘what if?’

What if I gave Brian a chance? What if I’m just overthinking this? What if Brian turns out to be the exact opposite of what I feared? What if he does love me? What if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life?

“Mel? You got a sec?” Zacky suddenly popped out of nowhere and snapped me back from my thoughts.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I turned around in my chair, facing Zacky who’s standing on my doorway

“Brian came home from the hospital last night and the guys and I were going to go check up on him. You wanna come?”

Then out of nowhere, my heartbeat started to escalate and I began to sweat a little. Hearing his name made me so nervous and thinking about seeing him got me extremely anxious. I feel like I’m having a mental fight with my self, a part of me really wants to see Brian and his always heart-warming smile, but another part of me wants nothing to do with him after the stunt he pulled. I’m afraid I’ll get sucked into his drama and lost focus on what’s really important in my life.

“Hello? Earth to Mel…?”

Again, he snapped me back from my thoughts.

“Uh, nah I don’t think so… I have my final exams next week and I still have shitload of materials to cram. I’ll probably go tomorrow” I smiled at him and he just shrugged. He left the room and skipped down the stairs. I sighed and went back to the stack of books in front of me.

After cramming for another hour, I checked my phone to see whether Zacky or Blake had called me, but I got zip. The last time I heard from Blake was the day I told him about my acceptance to NYU, he didn’t reply my texts nor did he answer my calls. He disappears on me a couple times, but that’s usually only for 2-5 hours and mostly he would be doing his website reports and everything. He never disappeared on me for 2 whole days and I’m really worried that something might happen to him.

I texted Sam earlier this morning but she didn’t reply as well. I haven’t seen Sam around lately, even when I actually go to school instead of staying home for my independent study, she was always busy when I asked to see her. Saying that she has this huge project coming up. Why is everybody having this secretive project that I don’t know of?!

I was startled by the sound of “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” blasting on my phone, I checked the caller ID hoping that it was Blake that’s calling me, but it was Brian. I rejected the call and threw my phone onto the bed, I really can’t deal with Brian right now, I can’t have him mess up my head and emotions right now. I tried going back to my books but I had really lost any interest in studying, so I walked downstairs to get some food. I saw through the kitchen window that Zacky was pulling up the driveway. I hope Brian isn’t with him.

“Hey sis, what have you been doing? You look like shit” He laughed; I raised my eyebrows in confusion. I ran to the mirror we had in the living room and I gasped. My hair was all in different directions; it looked like I was electrocuted.

“I, uh… I was studying. How’s Brian? Is he okay?” I leaned to the couch

“Yeah, he’s recovering quite well. He asked about you though, he asked why didn’t you come with” He took out a beer from the fridge

“And what did you say?”

“I said you were cramming for your exam. You did study did you? You’re not staying home just so you can be alone with Blake? Is he here? Was he?” He started to bombard me with questions

I rolled my eyes and turned my heel towards the stairs.

“Mel, seriously though, you should go to Brian” He looked at me with a face, his worried face.

“Yeah, I will”

I ran up to my room and closed the door behind me, I grabbed my phone from my bed and start dialing Blake’s number.

Voicemail.

I dialed again and did that for at least 8 times straight, hoping that he was just not paying attention to his phone. But no luck, it all went straight to voicemail. So I decided to text him instead.

To: Blake Nordrum

Hey, where the hell r u? So hard to reach you!
Call me!

I sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. I noticed Brian’s name on the list of my missed calls, should I call him?

No. Leave him alone, you need your head on straight this week, I thought to my self. I put down my phone next to me and threw my head back to the bed. Why does life has to be so damn complicated? I cannot wait ‘till I move to New York.



I couldn’t sleep at all last night, I kept thinking about Blake being AWOL and Brian that kept calling and calling. I stayed up at least until 2:30 AM and then I decided to go downstairs to make something to eat. I went back shortly after but I still couldn’t sleep. It is now 8 AM and I can guarantee you that people would mistaken me for a panda because of the dark circles under my eyes.

I dragger my feet downstairs and found my mom sipping her coffee in her “#1 MOM” mug that I gave her for mother’s day 10 years ago.

“Hey sweetie good mo- Oh my god you look awful! Did you sleep last night?” My mom put her mug down and stared at me.

“Not even the slightest, I couldn’t sleep and now I don’t know how I’m going to live through the day” I plopped myself down to the stool next to my mom

“Oh don’t so dramatic, coffee?” She pushed the coffee pot towards me, I put my head down to the counter and groaned.

“Well you don’t have to study today, I know you studied enough yesterday” She said, I looked up with a questioning face, asking how would she know that.

“Zacky told me” She smiled and pinched my nose, “just take the day off, go out with Blake” She smiled at me

“If that’s even possible, he’s not even returning my calls for some reason. He has been missing for 3 days now” I sighed

“Well, I’m sure he has a perfectly good reason to. Maybe he’s preparing a surprise for you!” She poked me in the rib area

Hmm… Maybe he is?

“Nah, I don’t know… I’ll probably just use today to catch up on some sleep”

“Alright then, I gotta go to work now. Behave okay? Love you sweetie” She kissed my temple and walked out of the house after I said ‘I love you too’.

I walked over to the TV area and turned it on, but nothing good is on at 8 AM. So I walked back upstairs to my room and lie down. Next thing I know I was drifting asleep with Blake as the last person I thought of.



“MELANIE!” I jumped awake as I heard someone shouted my name, then suddenly out of nowhere my door jerked open and Matt came storming in holding 3 pieces of paper.

“What the hell Matt? Have you lost your fucking mind?!” I threw one of my pillows at him but he completely ignored it.

“No, but your fucking boyfriend is” Matt growled as he walked closer to my bed, his face was red with anger, his nostrils were flaring and his hands were trembling.

“What the hell are you talking about? What does Blake have to do with you being a total pain in the ass just then?” I shouted at Matt

He stayed quiet and shoved the papers he had in his hand towards me. “Read it”

I stared at Matt for a second then I finally took the papers and began reading it.

“Oh my God”