I Know The Way You've Been Living

Finals are finally happening, I have been spending more time in the public library studying than actually spending it at home. Since the guys are going on tour soon, they’ve been coming over more than usual to practice their transitions and their breaks for the show. That is the main reason why I don’t study at home; I really don’t need all the unnecessary distractions from Brian and Zacky especially.

After the incident, he has been so freaking annoying I would literally rip my head off just so I couldn’t hear or see him again. He has been trying to talk to me about all of it and honestly I just want to forget all about it and move on. Thinking about it makes me hate myself for being so stupid and I am done feeling bad for myself.

Spending time in the library studying helps me get over Blake, though I still see him a couple of times at school (and despite the fact that I still want to kill him every time I see him) I really don’t care about what happened anymore. Especially since I found out that Sam and Blake are now going out, it makes me feel like I’m done with high school. I can’t wait to move and completely leave all this shit behind me.

“It’s already 6 PM dear, you should go home” I looked up from my Economics book and saw the old librarian standing across my table.

I looked at my watch and she was right, it’s 15 minutes past 6 PM. Usually my mom would’ve called me to tell me to go home but I guess she was stuck at work. I smiled to the librarian and nodded, after clearing up my books and notes I put them all in my bag and walked back home. I don’t usually walk home in the dark alone but it has been a habit for me for a couple of weeks now. I refuse to get in the car with Zacky cause he’s going to make me talk about the incident and I sure as hell wont ride the bus home.

I got home and I found Jimmy, Johnny and Matt sitting on the couch watching the reruns of Law and Order: SVU with cans of beers scattered around the table and the kitchen counter.

“Hey Mel! Come here join us!” Johnny waved his hand

“No thanks, can you guys clean up before my mom gets here and throws a bitch fit because her house looks like a fucking dumpster?”

They all just stared at me, not saying a word. I sighed, “Thanks guys” I jogged upstairs and lock myself inside my room.

Well, I guess I’ll just study more then…



“Melanie honey? Are you ready?” I heard my mom yelled downstairs

“In a minute!” I shouted back.

I took one last glance at the mirror, I looked… Okay I guess? My white spaghetti strap dress hangs perfectly and sets right above my knees. It’s not too short, but not too long that I looked like a ghost. I put on my pretty make up; eyeliner, a bit of eye shadow and clear gloss; put on my shoes and grabbed my purse.

Today my graduation ceremony and God knows how much I have been waiting for this all year. I can finally get out of this hellhole and move out of this house, leave all this shit behind and start fresh. I was told that I got the valedictorian title by Principal Figs a few days ago, leaving me only 3 days to write my commencement speech.

I had this in my mind for some time and I finally got the chance to get it out so people can finally hear me. Hear what I went through and hear what I have to say.

I stepped down the stairs and found my mom in her favorite Yves Saint Laurent floral print dress and her red Louboutin pumps, Zacky in his Armani suit (which my mom had forcefully made him buy) and his black Stefan Janoski Nikes.

“You look perfect honey! Shall we go? I don’t want you to be late to deliver your speech!” My mom hugged me tight.

“Sure, I’m all ready” I smiled at my mom and completely ignored Zacky. I took my speech q-cards on the table and put them inside my purse.

I was a little bummed out that my dad wasn’t going to be at my graduation because my mom told him to leave his girlfriend at home, but whatever, I am not letting his trampy little skank into my graduation ceremony.

My mom walked out the door and I soon followed, then I felt a tug on my arm and I stumble backwards.

“What do you want Zacky? I don’t wanna be late, I have to go now” I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

“I saw your speech, are you fucking insane?”

“What? I have the rights to express my feelings, and this is the perfect time to do so”

“Are you trying to get people to hate you? I know this year was hard for you, but you don’t have to do this Mel, come on”

“Trying? Hey, people hated me for no reason so I don’t see why this is a problem for you” I pointed my finger towards him.

“By saying that high school is the worst four years of your life? By name calling your classmates and telling them that they are nothing but shallow people? Their parents are going to be there Melanie, people are going to talk more shit about you and this time you’re at fault. Don’t do this to yourself, please Melanie” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

I yanked them off of his hand and walked towards the door, “Don’t tell me what to do”.