I Know The Way You've Been Living

“YOU’RE MOVING TO NEW YORK?!”

I went quiet; I can’t believe I forgot to mention the fact that I will be moving all the way across the country to the guys. I mentally slapped my forehead for being a complete idiot, now the whole room was quiet and everybody was staring back and forth from me to Brian.

“Uh… Yeah, I got accepted at NYU and I’ll be moving there in a week” I smiled faintly, trying not to look Brian in the eye and instead I focused my attention towards Zacky.

“Wha– That’s amazing Mel! Why didn’t you tell us?!” Zacky engulfed me into a bear hug and soon everybody followed.

“Well, the timing was never right you know… We weren’t actually speaking until today and I was too busy with exams and assignments and all that shit–“

“Language!” My mom cut me off with her glare.

“and all that stuff, so I must’ve slipped my mind” I shrugged, still avoiding eye contact with Brian.

“Well forget about that, my baby sister is going to New York! I’m so proud of you Mel, like… Seriously” Zacky hugged me once more.

“Where will you be staying there? Oh we are so coming there to visit at least once a month!” Johnny grinned from ear to ear.

“I’ll be staying in a dormitory, and yes you guys can visit me as often as you wish and I’ll be your guide there” I smiled, as much as I hated being related to the guys, I still can’t bear to think my life without them.

“Okay, enough talking about New York and let’s enjoy the party shall we?” Leana piped up and literally saved my life without her knowing. Because the more we talk about New York, the sulkier Brian’s face gets.

“Yeah! Let’s eat cake!” Jimmy jumped Johnny and they both fight over the corner piece of the cake.

That afternoon went like a blur. Everybody was enjoying themselves, Johnny and Jimmy jumped into the pool with their clothes on and the girls were having fun with their guys.

Except for Brian.

“Hey, what’s up with you today? You’ve been really quiet,” I asked as I took a seat next to him on the rattan couch by the pool. Of course I knew what made him this quiet, I just… I want to hear it from him.

He stayed quiet and played with his beer bottle for a while the he turned his body to face me.

“Were you even planning to tell me about New York?” He said huskily, looking straight into my eyes.

“Yes”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I told you, I forgot. In case you forgot, things had been shitty for me these last few weeks. Telling you about New York was the last thing on my mind”

“Yeah, I guess so” He shot me a quick smile then went back to playing with his beer bottle.

“Well, I guess I’d leave you alone now. Smile Brian, it’s not the end of the world” I put my hand on his shoulder, gave it a quick squeeze and walked back towards the girls.



“Knock – knock” I turned around and saw Zacky leaning on the doorframe.

I was packing my stuff for New York after everybody went home, since I’ll be leaving in a week I figured I better start packing now so I wont have too much to do close to the date.

“Hey, come in. Don’t touch anything” I pointed my finger at him and he threw himself on the bed, which was filled with books and papers that I was sorting out.

“Watcha doin?”

“Packing. What are you doing here?”

“Bugging you, are you excited for New York?”

“Yeah” I turned my head to face him and smiled, “it’s nice to be able to start fresh”

“Why would you want to start fresh? What’s so wrong with your life now?” He sat up and looked a bit hurt, offended.

“No, I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just… All this time I’ve been known as ‘Zacky’s Sister’, not as Melanie Baker”

He nodded and kept quiet.

“I read your diary”

My head shot up and I let go of the stuff that I was holding down to the carpeted floor.

“YOU WHAT?!” I shouted quite louder than I expected.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry, Mel it’s just… I’m so confused with what’s going on with you lately. Ever since you into high school it’s like they replaced ‘Happy Melanie’ with ‘Gloomy Snippy Melanie’. I just wanted to know what’s wrong with you”

“And reading my diary is the best thing you could come up with? God Zacky, what the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t just invade people’s privacy like that, it’s not fair!”

“I tried talking to you but all you do is ignore me, what else should I do?” He started to raise his voice

“I’m a teenager! That’s my job to avoid you!”

He kept quiet and just stared at me.

“Do you really think that way about me?” His expression softens and his voice was lowered.

“What do you mean?”

“In your diary, you write about all those horrible things people do to you. Was it all because of me? Do you really think that way about me? And the guys?”

I let out a long sigh, there’s no way I can dodge myself out of this question.

“Sometimes. I just hated the fact that I’m fucking lonely and I have no one to trust besides you guys and mom”

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? I could’ve done something Mel”

“Yeah? Like what? I didn’t tell you because there’s really nothing you can do about it and it will only make you and the guys feel bad. I didn’t want you guys to know because even I know that this isn’t anybody’s fault”

I sat down on the edge of the bed, scooted closer to Zacky.

“Remember the day I told you we got signed? We had a small party here and everybody was having loads of fun?” Zacky asked me with a smile.

“Yeah, you came home running from the door and towards the living room shouting and screaming. Mom and I thought somebody had been in an accident” I chuckled, I remembered that day clearly as if it was only yesterday.

“Remember what I told you? After the party?”

I cocked my head to the side; he did tell me something but I just can’t seem to remember what it was.

“No… I don’t”

“You asked me what will happen from that point on and I said to you ’I’m going to be famous and you’re going to be famous as well just for being my little sister’”

I smiled, yeah I remember that one.

“I also told you that nothing will change, that we would still be best friends no matter where I am, or what I’m doing, you can always come to me with anything”

He took my hand and squeeze them, “that rule still applies, Mel”

I felt sick to my stomach, all this time I thought that Zacky and the guys who were making my life a living hell but then I realized, I was the one making it hell for myself.

I began to tear up, not because I was touched by what Zacky just said (well, maybe a little bit) but because I was so furious with myself.

“Hey, hey, come on everything is going to be okay” He gave my hand another squeeze, “I’m here Mel, I’ve always have been and I always will”

I scrambled from the spot where I sat down towards Zacky and gave him a tight hug.

“I’m sorry,” I said barely above whisper.

“I know, me too” He hugged me tighter.

We spent the night talking and remembering what our lives were like before shit got in the way. I was glad that he didn’t bring up Brian or Blake, because that would totally ruin everything.

I’m just really happy that I got my brother back, even though he never really went anywhere, I’m just happy that things could finally go back to how it was before.