Somewhere in Neverland

The hot afternoon sun pelts my back and I struggle to keep up with the group, exhausted from the long day at the park. Even in October, I’ve managed to wind up with sunburned cheeks and an irritating rash between my thighs.

I’m not usually one with bad luck, but the past few days haven’t been very friendly to me. Not to mention my lack of real sleep I got last night. It seemed like just as I’d fallen into a reasonably deep sleep, I was rudely awoken by Miller and Luke who thought it was funny to climb into bed with Alex and I.

“Ian,” I whine, running straight-legged to catch up with the group. “Will you give me a piggy-back ride?”

He stops and squats a bit, grabbing onto my thighs when I jump up and adjusts me to a more comfortable position before continuing at the same pace he’d had before.

I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my cheek against his bare shoulder, about ready to pass out from heat exhaustion and dehydration. Five dollars for a bottle of water, my ass; it’s not even worth it.

“How ya holding up back there?” He asks, turning his head slightly to try and get a better look at me.

“Meh,” I say, closing my eyes.

“Just tired or diabetes?”

I shrug my shoulders and honestly couldn’t care less. There’s a jealous feeling deep within the pit of my stomach at the group’s collective ability to be enjoying themselves while I struggle with the cramping in my stomach.

Holy shit, I’m a shit show.

“You wanna sit down for a bit?”

I shake my head, not wanting him to have to miss out on anything. Today isn’t a day where I’m going to allow my body to ruin everyone else’s enjoyment as well as my own. My diabetes interferes with most things as it is, so I’ll be damned if anything else gets in the way on our precious days off.

“Can we please do Millennium Force?” John asks, looking longingly at the massive purple rollercoaster. The sign outside the entrance says there’s a wait time of an hour and a half, but by the looks on the faces of the people exiting, the ride is well worth the wait.

Russell nods his head enthusiastically and nudges John towards the entrance, not waiting for the general consensus to agree.

As we pass through the entrance, the employee manning the gate makes a double take at Ian and I. I’m sure it’s an odd site; an adult man giving a grown woman who looks like she’s about to pass out a piggy back ride, but Ian doesn’t even notice.

Josh and Jess are thoroughly entertained by the giant Snoopy mascot that wanders the line to help make the wait seem shorter, but most everybody else is starting to get tired and cranky.

“I’m over this park,” Jack says about half an hour into the wait. “I want a shower and a nap and for my balls to stop sweating profusely.”

“I want a good cuddle,” I mumble.

“Check your blood sugar,” Bam says, placing the back of his hand against my forehead. “And drink some water; you’re burning up.”

“You’re asking a lot of me right now,” I say, poking his nose with my index finger.

He says something to Ian, who nods his head and swings me off his shoulders before placing me carefully onto the ground.

“You’re plotting something, aren’t you?” I ask as Ian maneuvers my backpack off my back and digs through it with purpose, coming up with my test kit. “No!”

The level of my voice surprises everyone in line and warrants curious looks from strangers and the rest of the group as Ian crouches in front of me and fights for one of my fingers. My stubbornness is apparent as I make a game out of offering a finger and quickly pulling it away before he can poke it.

“Cara, what’s going on?” Rian squats down to my level and tilts my head back with a finger so our eyes meet.

“He’s bullying me,” I whine, sticking my tongue out at Ian and Bam both.

Rian shakes his head and chuckles lightly. “You want me to do it?”

I look nervously between him and Ian, who’s the only person besides me who has ever poked my finger.

“No,” I say and thrust my finger towards Ian who takes full advantage of my moment of compliance, garnering enough blood to feed into the strip.

“Low,” Ian announces and I’m not surprised. He rifles through my bag some more and comes up empty handed. “Where the hell are your tabs?”

I shrug. There was a jar in there a few days ago, but then again I’ve been low a lot lately and often prefer tabs to real food, so they’re probably chilling out in a sewer somewhere.

“Can we go home now?” I ask, huffing dramatically and laying down on the hard cement. Even low, I know I’m behaving like a child, but I can’t do a damn thing about it. My body just won’t cooperate, physically.

“I can take her back to the bus,” Jack squeezes his way through the cramped gates. “I’m literally ready to get the fuck out of here.”

“I’ll go, too,” Rian says, helping me up to a seated position.

“Will you go, too?” I eye Alex, who’s kept his distance since this morning when we were caught naked in bed together. It’s not because anything’s wrong; it’s just because I was so embarrassed that he didn’t want to smother me and make things worse with the harassment of my band mates.

He gives me a look that says, “Say the word” and I nod my head slightly which is enough for him to excuse himself from the conversation he’s having with Brian and Otto to squeeze his way over to me.

Jack slings the backpack over his shoulders as Rian hoists me onto his back before apologizing to all the people he shoves past to get out of line. We get numerous strange looks, but all I can do is take deep breaths and tell myself not to pass out.

Alex walks in step with Rian and keeps an eye on me the entire time. He places a calming hand on my back and quietly instructs me not to close my eyes as Jack waits patiently in line to get me something to eat. Evidently, they don’t think we can make it back to the bus before I pass out because Jack walks over with a bottle of Gatorade and begrudgingly hands it to me.

“That better be the best damn bottle of Gatorade ever because it cost me six fucking dollars.”

I chug the cool liquid easily and quickly hand Jack the empty bottle.

“Holy fuck, Caroline,” He looks at me in disbelief and I smile the cheesiest smile I can muster in my moment of weakness. “I’d hate to shotgun a beer with you.”

“I’d kick your ass, Jack.”

After what seems like forever, we reach the gates of the park and enter the vast parking lot. There are a few families still trickling into the park, but for the most part, people are leaving.

“Oh my god,” A girl says, stopping dead in her tracks. “You’re All Time Low!”

The boys stop and I can tell Rian is silently cursing their celebrity status. Thankfully Alex’s personality can woo a person easily and Rian slips away from the scene to find the bus and get me something else to eat.

“Why did no one listen to you when you said you just wanted to go to the dunes?” He asks, dropping me onto the couch in the front lounge and turns to dig through the fridge.

“Because I have a vagina.”

He laughs. “Touché, girl. What do you want to eat?”

“Peanut butter and jelly, please,” I answer, allowing myself to tip over onto the couch before curling into the fetal position.

Rian makes the sandwich quickly before helping me to sit up.

“Hope you’re good with smooth,” He hands me the plate and I take a grateful bite. “Alex would murder me if I used his crunchy peanut butter.”

He sits down next to me on the couch and flicks on the TV to the Tigers vs. Yankees baseball game where the score is 3-1.

“I hope the Tigers kick the shit out of the Yankees,” Rian says cruelly. “Fucking Derek Jeter.”

The Yankees knocked the Orioles out of the running for the World Series and Rian is clearly still a bit bitter about it.

“How long does it take to talk to fans?” I ask after a few minutes of baseball.

Rian shrugs his shoulders, but doesn’t take his eyes off the game. “Depends on the fan, I guess. Some are crazy and don’t let you leave. Some just wanna say hi and then go their separate ways.”

Out of the blue, he shuts the TV off and turns to look at me.

“I don’t know if I’ve told you how great it is that you’re back, Cara,” He says. “We all fucking missed you like crazy.”

“Ri, I feel the exact same way. It’s so good to be back.”

Even though we’re not teenagers anymore and it’s not just the four of us, there’s something oddly reminiscent of our younger years. Just being in the presence of my four childhood best friends is enough to know that everything happens for a reason. They were stolen away from me when I needed them the most, but I got them back and that’s all that matters now.

“What are you guys doing?” Jack asks, playfully, swinging open the bus door and bounds in.

“How was the fan?” Rian changes the subject immediately and Jack laughs.

“Well, she noticed your absence and then proceeded to drill us with questions as to who the random girl on your back was.”

Alex nods his head with a freaked out look on his face.

“She was a bit crazy.”

Jack opens the fridge and digs through it to find something to drink. “How’re you doing over there, Danger?”

“Better,” I say, noticing the difference I feel already. I still feel the effects of heat exhaustion, but it’s nowhere near as bad as it was while coupled with low blood sugar. “Can I shower?”

“If you hurry,” Jack answers first. “I think I’m sweating my balls off.”

I nod, understanding his predicament. If I had balls, I’d most definitely be sweating them off right now.

“Can we watch a movie and have a cuddle fest after we all shower and don’t smell anymore?” I ask, digging through my bag for comfy clothes. We’ve only been on tour for a week and I already have a separate bag on their bus for when I undoubtedly end up on it every night.

“Only if we can watch Home Alone,” Jack demands and I’m okay with that. It’s one of my favorite movies thanks to him and the sheer number of times he forced me to watch it while growing up.

The cool water is refreshing and it clears my mind and puts everything into perspective. It’s the first time I’ve really thought about everything going on around me. Eight short days ago I was dreading my decision to go on tour with the guys, but now I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I hadn’t.

Eight days ago I was scared to look Alex in the eyes and now I’m in somewhat of a relationship with him. I didn’t know what to expect when I saw him, yet I wound up in his bed the first night back together and it’s happened nearly every night since.

I shut the water off and step out of the shower, drying my body with the towel they slipped inside for me. I shake my head and smile, just thinking.

I’ve made the ultimate decision that this is going to be an underwear movie watching marathon and have refused to put on pants, instead opting for a less constraining outfit consisting of a Glamour Kills t-shirt and lady boxers.

“Your turn, Jack!” I yell to announce my exit from the bathroom.

They’ve migrated to their bunks where they’re power napping.

“What the hell are you wearing?” Rian asks as I wander down the aisle to disrupt their sleep as much as possible.

“I’ve decided we aren’t wearing pants today,” I say, sitting on the edge of Alex’s bunk. He wears a smirk as Jack stands to go shower and shakes his head. “People don’t understand the beauty of not wearing pants. Like, do it for one day. I swear you’ll never go back.”

“Alright then.”

The boys shower quickly and one after another come out in their t-shirts and boxer briefs. I smile in triumph as we migrate to the back lounge.

“Shotty little spoon!” Alex yells and I haul off and punch him in the arm for even suggesting he gets a say in the matter. Girls always get little spoon.

“This is oddly reminiscent of our high school days,” Jack says after he puts the disc in the DVD player and climbs under the blanket next to Rian. “I like it.”

“We’re just missing Zack,” Alex says. “He would let me be the little spoon.”

“Sometimes I think you have a vagina,” Rian says after seeing the legitimate pout on Alex’s face. I guess I can’t complain because I’m cuddled in between Alex and Rian happily with Jack less than a foot away from me.

I have my boys back. I smile as the familiar movie starts and Jack quiets us in an urgent manner before immediately quoting the beginning of the movie line for line. Yeah, it’s good to be home.