Somewhere in Neverland

It turns out the boys have been planning on flying Noelle out for a while. Although she’s my best friend from school, she’s become a part of the extended Feral Amity family in more ways than one.

“How the hell did you manage to keep this from me?” I ask, still wrapped up in a best friend hug. Noelle is notoriously awful at keeping secrets, so I know it must have been torturous to keep a secret of this caliber.

“Death threats are really useful in keeping my lips sealed,” She says as she pulls away from the hug. “These fuckers over here are scary, scary people.”

Bam, Roland, and Ian all wear proud smiles on their faces while Noelle grimaces.

“But introduce me to everybody!” She demands.

I turn and look at the large group of people in front of me, trying to piece together who she knows and who she doesn’t. Everybody’s become family to me over the past two weeks and it’s hard to remember life without their obnoxious and annoying tendencies, so it’s a bizarre realization that Noelle doesn’t know most of them.

“Everybody, this is Noelle,” I start. “And fuck me in the asshole. Okay, um, that’s Alex, Rian, Jack, Vinny Vegas,” I skip Miller who pouts like a four-year-old. “John, Josh, Jess, Zack, Stephen, Brian, Evan, Jeff, Matt Flyzik, Matt Colussy, Danny, Connor, Alex Grieco, and I think that’s it.”

She stares wide-eyed at the crowd. “There’s no way in hell I’ll remember any of that.”

It’s a lot to take in and is obviously extremely overwhelming. We’re a rowdy bunch and although Noelle can be quite the wreck loose, she’s also very laid-back and serene and she’s very clearly overstimulated by the chaos happening around her.

“I’m gonna go eat my pancakes up front and catch up with her,” I announce, gathering the pancakes from John and Josh’s lap and place them back on the plate carefully before giving Zack a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for the birthday pancakes. They’re perfect.”

Noelle eyes me from across the table with an all-knowing grin and I can’t hide the redness of my cheeks. After all, Noelle is the friend I confided in about my relationship with Alex and she knows just how horny the both of us are. We met each other our freshman year of college when we roomed blind together. Despite the typical awkward first day living together, we quickly became attached at the hip and got close enough to share our deepest, darkest secrets. Talking with Noelle has always been easy and I’ve never felt judged when I tell her the truth about things, so it doesn’t faze me to know she’s going to ask.

“So, how have things been?” She asks with a tone that tells me she’s not asking about the tour, but rather my relationship with Alex.

“You know, they’ve been good,” I say slyly and she shakes her head.

“Don’t fuck with me, girl. I want details.”

I shrug my shoulders and twirl a strand of hair with my restless fingers, trying to find where to even start. “I don’t know, Elle. It’s just been good to have him back.”

“So you’re together?” She asks, raising her eyebrows slightly.

“I didn’t say that,” I poke at my pancakes with a fork and debate my level of hunger.

“It was heavily implied,” She slumps her shoulders and lays her arms down on the table in front of her. “Caroline, you love him and he loves you. Just accept that and it will all fall into place.”

Years ago when we were measly little freshman in college, we would sit up talking about everything on our minds until the sun came up and we let exhaustion get the better of us. Back then the pain was still relatively fresh and new and it hurt to talk about it with her, but she always said that things happened for a reason and if it was meant to be, it would be. I never believed her and always wrote her off as slightly kooky, but I don’t think I could have ever made it through without her encouraging words.

“You’re still fighting it,” She says after a few moments of silence. “Stop thinking so far into it. Just accept it as what it is and be happy. He’s a great fucking catch that millions of girls would love to have.”

“I am happy,” I say finally, slowly raising my eyes to her level. “I don’t know what it is about him that I love so much, but I just know that when I’m with him, I’m happy.”

“Let’s be honest,” She nods her head with each word. “He’s a fucking babe, he’s a great guy, and you two are best fucking friends. Like, I’m completely fine admitting that he’s your best friend; it doesn’t even offend me. I mean, it should because you’re my best friend, but I’m completely stoked for you because you have Alex fucking Gaskarth wrapped around your finger.”

Noelle has a talent for putting things in perspective for me and it hits me how much I’ve missed her wise words in my life. Back in college, we were literally inseparable. Our floor mates used to joke around about us being life partners because we were always doing something together, whether that be going to class or doing laundry. Hell, we planned what weekends we were going home so that neither of us would be forced to stay at school alone. Noelle very much became my rock and support system through everything going on at home and everything happening with Alex.

“He is pretty great,” I say quietly, finally deciding to dig into the plate of colorful pancakes.

“That he is,” She points a stern finger at me. “So be good to him.”

“I will,” I say, shaking my head at the thought of why she’s telling me this. “He’s not Myles.”

“You better damn well treat him better than you treated Myles. You curb-stomped that boy’s heart.”

It’s no secret that I spent most of the last seven years walking all over the boys that let me in close enough to have that power over them. I was awful to a lot of genuinely good people and it’s always been my fear that I’ll do something terrible to Alex and lose him forever.

“His parents curb-stomped his ability to ever be taken seriously when they named him Myles Long,” I point out and Noelle bursts out into a fit of laughter at the recollection of his unfortunate name.

“I completely forgot his last name was Long,” She says. “So many dick jokes.”

“What’re you guys talking about?”

I turn around to see Alex walking cautiously towards us. There’s an amused look on his face, but I can tell he’s questioning whether or not he’s welcome for this conversation.

“Nothing,” I say, eyeing Noelle in a way that lets her know I’ll kill her if she says anything to him.

He scoots in next to me and I accept the smug look wiped across Noelle’s face, knowing I can’t deny the connection between Alex and I.

“We should go do something,” Alex suggests, picking at a stubborn hangnail.

“I have to get my stitches out today,” I remember suddenly as I suppress the urge to scratch at them. It’s been 10 days since my accident in Detroit and my knees have finally stopped aching with each and every step I take. “Fuck, what time is it?”

“It’s only noon,” Alex answers.

It kind of throws me off because that means we got less than four hours of sleep last night, which makes sense as to why I’m so tired, but I was sure it was at least three or four in the afternoon.

“I can take you,” He offers with a shrug of his shoulders and I nod in agreement before ushering him to move so I can squeeze past him to go find the keys.

“I have to go get my stitches out. Would anyone care to join?” I ask the large mass of people before finding Bam’s gaze. “Can I get the keys to the van?”

He reaches into his pocket and tosses them across the small room. I nearly miss, but somehow manage to snag them out of midair before they go sailing into the wall.

“I wanna go,” Josh says. “I heard the horror story of when you got them, so I want to witness this.”

Typical Josh.

“I’ll go,” Theo answers, standing up to make his way to the aisle. “Someone’s gotta hold your hand when you pass out.”

It’s a good thing Theo goes because I start feeling woozy before I’m even called into a room. The mere sight of blood is enough to make me hit the ground hard, but the thought of it is still unsettling. I know I shouldn’t be worried because if all goes as planned, there shouldn’t be any blood. Ideally, the wounds will be healed and I’ll be able to be on my merry way.

Noelle’s come along for the journey as well, mostly because it would have been awkward if she’d been left behind but also because she knows I don’t handle pain well and isn’t afraid to admit she’ll probably get some sort of kick out of seeing me in an uncomfortable situation. I guess best friends have the right to enjoy the other’s pain because I know if the roles were reversed, I’d feel the same way.

“McGee,” A nurse says from the doorway.

I stand up and my entourage follows me through to the exam area where I’m shown a room and told to wait for the doctor.

My hands are balled up in the sleeves of my sweatshirt in anticipation of what’s to come. I’m expecting the worst and feel light-headed and dizzy, but can’t tell if it’s the nerves or if it’s just a bad low. Still, I sit in one of the chairs and wait anxiously for this to all be over.

“Caroline McGee?” The doctor asks when he enters. I nod my head and he motions for me to take a seat on the exam table while he washes his hands. “And what brings you here today?”

“I need to get my stitches out,” I explain.

There’s a fuck my life moment of realization that happens when the doctor asks to see the stitches and I realize my pants are too tight to roll up far enough for examination, so I drop trough shamelessly.

Despite his initial surprise, the doctor does his best to ignore my pantlessness and focus on my knees which have healed tremendously since the last time I took any real notice of them. Even still, I urge Theo and Alex over to the exam table as the doctor begins to poke and prod at the sutures and grab their hands tightly.

“You don’t need to be worried,” The doctor says, chuckling at my apparent fear. I’m sure I’m white as a ghost and I can feel the beads of sweat forming on my brow. “Are you okay?”

It’s the last thing I hear before I come to. The doctor stands above me and shines a light in my eyes which is completely unnecessary. When I fight his grip on my eyelid to blink, he smiles and shoves a juice and graham crackers in my face.

“You passed out,” He informs me as I sit up and peel back the lid on the juice.

No shit, Sherlock. I think to myself as I chug the small juice and force the stale graham crackers into my mouth. It’s all old news to me; I pass out almost every time I go to the doctor, no matter how minor the task at hand is.

“I took your stitches out while you were out. I figured it would probably be easier that way.”

Josh is standing in the corner, trying his best to stifle his laughter. I know I gave him a good show of exactly what he wanted to see and I wish I could see him in as vulnerable a position. He’s never going to let me live this down, but lucky for me, I’ve learned to laugh at these situations as much as everyone else.

“Josh, I can only hope that one day I will see in you in pain so I can laugh in your face,” He raises his middle finger and sticks out his tongue in response.

“You know you love me, Caroline.”

“That’s entirely debatable,” I say, standing up to pull on my pants as I notice the medical tape that has replaced the stitches on my knees.

Once we leave the doctor’s office and make our way back to the venue parking lot, we find the bus is empty. Figuring everyone must have left to go exploring or start setting up for the show, Josh wanders off to look for his band. Alex and I show about as much enthusiasm for finding everybody as I did for getting my stitches out, but Theo insists he needs to practice his beats for a new song we’re playing for the first time tonight.

“I’m clearly the awkward third wheel here,” Noelle announces after Theo’s left. “I’m just gonna, you know, derp or something.”

“Noelle, you’ve been the third wheel so many times before,” I grab her arm. “Sometimes riding a tricycle is fun.”

“Tricycles are the fucking best,” Alex agrees, motioning for her to join us. “I promise we’ll suppress our sexual urges until you leave.”

“Yeah, I can’t promise that,” I shake my head and purse my lips. “I’m probably gonna take my pants off, not even gonna lie.”

She agrees to join us, not at all fazed when I actually do take my pants off upon entrance on the bus. After living with me for four years, she’s seen it all before. Plus with my track record, I probably ended up having drunk sex in front of her at some point.

We end up sprawled out in the back lounge, just talking. It’s been almost seven months since Noelle and I have seen each other and this catch up is long overdue. Ever since she moved back home to Seattle after graduation, reunions have required excessive planning and effort so they’ve been few and far between.

“What happened to Brody?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “He was a douchebag.”

“Well, with a name like Brody, you have to be a douchebag.”

“So you’re single?” Alex asks, propping himself up on his elbow.

“Yeah, why Mr. Gaskarth? You’re obviously not looking.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “Not for me, but there are plenty of single studs on this tour that would be lucky if you even took notice of them.”

“As flattering as that is, I’m not exactly looking for anything right now. I just got out of the relationship from hell and would like nothing more than to allow my vagina to make its own decisions for a little bit.”

“Are you saying my vagina is whipped?” I scoff playfully. “Because I can assure you, it still makes all of its own decisions. No amount of penis will ever change that – no offense, Alex.”

“None taken,” He says.

Simultaneously, both of our phones buzz from texts and we send each other questioning looks before checking who they’re from.

“Wow, I wish I was cool enough to get a text message,” Noelle pouts.

“You don’t wish you got this text,” Alex says, eyeing me to see if I got the same thing. I can only assume that I did and I nod my head. “Because we both missed sound checks and interviews and Matt is about to beat our asses.”