Somewhere in Neverland

The celebrations begin before the show even starts. After being reemed out by Matt for missing two very important parts of prep today, Alex was let off the hook with only minor psychological scarring, but cracked out the alcohol anyways. Things always get out of hand pretty quickly once alcohol factors into our usual shenanigans, so we make sure to take it slowly, knowing we still have a set to play.

“To the birthday girl!” Zack hoists his shotglass into the air and everybody follows suit, making me blush. “Happy birthday, Caroline. I hope you had a kickass day.”

I nod my head slightly and smile at the group before throwing it back and purse my lips as the liquid fire burns my throat on the way down. Living with a group of boys has taught me one thing; the only way to chase is with beer. Typically, the cheaper the beer, the more badass you look, so the tall can of PBR in my hand is not only accepted, but appreciated.

The group disbands to prepare for the night ahead. I find myself in the community bathroom, harmoniously sharing the large mirror with Stephen who has perfected the art of sharing both the mirror and the counter space in almost any setting, despite the rigorous workload it takes him to perfect his look.

Halfway through his prep, he gets bored and eyes a can of shaving cream mischeviously. I cautiously put down my mascara and step away as he sprays a mound into his hand and tilts his head to the side, contemplating what to do with it. Within a few moments, he’s kneeling on the countertop, fingerpainting stick figures and penises on the mirror. I’m not sure he remembers he’s in the company of me until he looks at me with a smile on his face.

“Would you care to join me?” He asks, motioning to the empty spot next to him on the counter.

I weigh my options momentarily and shrug my shoulders. “Why the fuck not?”

I climb up next to him and spray a handful of my own before starting a meticulous and detailed work of art next to his. After a few minutes of intense silence, I admire my work.

“Is that a dragon?” Stephen asks and I smile proudly.

“It is,” I answer, beginning work on flames coming from the dragon’s mouth.

We lose track of the time, enjoying the silence that has come over us. Occasionally we’ll stop working to check out what the other one’s masterpiece, but for the most part, neither of us pay much attention.

“Holy fuck,” Jess’s voice causes both of us to be torn from our artistic state of mind and back to the night ahead of us. “What the fuck are you guys doing?”

“What does it look like?” Stephen retorts. “We’re doing arts and crafts.”

Jess takes out her iPhone and takes a picture of us with our artwork as the backdrop. Stephen and I look like crazy lunatics, I’m sure, but honestly, neither of us could give a fuck.

“Would you like to stop doing arts and crafts and get your asses onstage soon?” She asks. “Caroline’s on in less than five and your band mates are freaking out because you’ve disappeared for most of the day.”

“Eh,” I shrug my shoulders like I’m contemplating whether or not I care. “I mean, I could go onstage. Or I could continue doing this, too.”

Jess shakes her head and laughs. “You gonna put some pants on before you go out there?”

“See, I’ve decided I’m gonna play in my underwear. I’ve really contemplated putting on pants but then just kept on living my life instead.”

If there’s one thing in life that I hate the most, it can literally be summed up in one word: pants. Nothing makes me happier than the freedom of not wearing them. My band mates have fully accepted my pure hatred of them and it’s become the norm for me to walk around in underwear. Thankfully, everyone on tour has fully embraced this lifestyle choice and are usually grateful that I’m wearing anything at all because I also like to get naked while drunk and shamelessly have sex with Alex in front of everybody.

I hop off the counter and grab the PBR that I’ve neglected throughout craft time and find my way to the wings of the stage.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” Miller asks, handing me my bass.

I look down at my outfit: a youth Adventure Time t-shirt and lady boxers and question why it’s any different than any other outfit I’ve performed in. Sure, I’ve never actually performed without pants, but it’s my birthday and I’m slightly drunk at this point. And drunk Caroline does whatever the fuck she wants.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” I retort, slipping the strap over my shoulder and take another large swig of beer.

“Clothes. You look like a hot mess right now,” He says. “How drunk are you?”

“On a scale of one to ten I’m probably a seven.”

“Okay… Good luck!” He slaps me on the back and walks away, clearly anticipating my shit show tendencies onstage tonight.

Roland counts down from ten in sync with Bam who’s on the opposite side with Ian, Russell, and Sam. Theo stands silently next to me, grasping his sticks tightly in his fists. He still gets nervous before he performs and puts himself in a happy place before we go onstage so he doesn’t psyche himself out. It’s actually kind of adorable how nervous he gets, but I can’t admire it anymore because Roland hits zero and we step out onto stage as the crowd roars in anticipation.

We go through our setlist; Tomorrow’s Army, Flaming Daisies, Stalker League, Sequel in the Sanctuary, The Redneck Attraction, Armageddon Sonnet, Their City Drug, Dolls of Freya, Over Atlantic City, and Moments Like These before preparing for our final song. But before we can start, the boys step onstage with their hands full of shotglasses as Alex approaches me with a glint in his eye.

“Yo guys, I’m really happy for you and I’m gonna let you finish, but I just wanted to say that it’s Caroline McGee’s birthday and you all should wish her a happy birthday,” Alex says and I laugh when I catch onto the Kanye reference. “She turns 24 today which means that we’ve officially been best friends for 18 years, so it’s only appropriate to celebrate with a birthday shot.”

“You should also note that Caroline isn’t wearing pants,” Sam announces. “Because it’s just one of those days.”

“Fuck you,” I say, grabbing the microphone from the stand in front of me. “It’s been a great day.”

Alex hands me, Luke, and Ian a shotglass while the three others watch because they’re not 21.

“No, but seriously, I’ve known this girl forever and I’m so fucking glad we’re getting to celebrate her birthday on tour,” He continues. “So Cara, I hope you had a great fucking day. Happy birthday!”

We all throw back the shots before I give Alex a hug and he leaves the stage so we can play our last song.

“Alright guys, this is our last song. You’ve all been so great and we can’t thank you enough for singing along with us,” Sam says. “This one’s called Riley’s Arrow.”

The crowd goes crazy. The song’s a crowd favorite, both at home and on tour so it’s no surprise when the crowd sings along word for word with Sam. This whole entire has been so mind-blowing. Over the past seven years with the band, we’ve always been able to see the praise from our fans by the comments they leave on our videos, but seeing the crowd react to our music – like really seeing them – is such a different experience. They’re not just names behind a screen anymore; we can put faces to our support system and it feels great.

I have an adrenaline rush by the time we exit the stage and our crew rushes on to get our equipment out of the way for The Summer Set’s to be put in its place. Miller hands me a towel and I wipe the sweat from my brow before handing him my bass to pack away for the night.

“That was a great set,” Otto and Noelle walk in step with me back to the dressing room. Otto holds a gatorade in one hand and my test kit in the other. He’s sort of become the designated diabetic overseer to make sure I’m taking care of myself and he urges me to test, even though I feel fine. “Just to be sure.”

Normally I would bitch and complain about someone telling me how to manage my diabetes, but I’m on such a high that I don’t even care.

“Oh, the ‘betes,” Noelle says. “How I’ve missed these glorious occasions.”

“Hey, don’t be hating,” I eye her as I unsuccessfully prick my pointer finger. They’ve become so calloused that even the highest setting on the lancing device doesn’t do the trick so I’m forced to prick my pinky which I hate doing.

“I’m not hating!” She defends. “I’m just saying we’ve had some pretty interesting ‘betes moments.”

“If you’re referring to the glucagon you gave me sophomore year, please don’t remind me. That was a traumatic experience.” I say, feeding the small red drop into the test strip and lick the remnants off my finger. “One hundred and fourteen! You can suck a dick, Otto!”

“Seriously, Cara, how drunk are you right now?” He asks and I laugh because I’m nowhere near as drunk as I’m going to be later on and we all know it.

Drunken Caroline is going to come out in full swing, and it’s only a matter of time before she makes an appearance.

--

“This was an awful choice,” Theo states, looking around the circle at the drunken assholes who decided playing Never Have I Ever would be a good idea. “This is so uncomfortably weird.”

We’re all crowded in the back lounge of the bus, our body overlapping in the lack of space to the point that I’m almost entirely on Alex’s lap. I’m down to four fingers after a few unfortunate statements proved to be false and the amount of shots I’ve taken during the game outnumber the number I should ever be allowed to take in one sitting. Despite this knowledge, I lack the ability to wrap my mind around the idea of actually being able to limit myself and continue with the game anyways.

“Never have I ever, hm,” Russell rubs his chin for a minute. “Never have I ever cheated on someone.”

Well, fuck.

I clap my hands and lower another finger and throw back another shot. I’m not the only one who puts a finger down – Alex does along with a multitude of others – and it makes me feel slightly better that I’m in the company of my own kind of asshole.

“Wait, you’ve cheated on someone?” Otto looks surprised which causes me to realize just how innocent he really is.

I nod. “I cheated on my boyfriend in college.”

“What happened?”

Normally I wouldn’t discuss this in front of such a large group of people, but I’ve lost all ability to filter the words coming out of my mouth and it all just pours out.

“I dated this guy named Myles for like, what, two years?” I look to Noelle who nods. “He was a really good guy – like really good – who I walked all over. I was just insecure and still heart-broken over this fucker,” I point to Alex. “And I slept with a lot of people behind his back.”

“Well shit,” Otto says and I know he’s judging me.

“How many people did you sleep with?” Josh asks, an amused smile pulls at his lips.

“She’d have to name almost our entire floor,” Noelle interjects. “Including our RA.”

“Hey, Cam was fucking hot.”

“I’m not denying that,” She says. “I’m just saying that you went through a slutty phase. No judgements, but for a while I definitely thought you were legit a whore.”

I know I’m the most drunk right now and although everyone will probably be blackout drunk in a few hours, most everyone is still sober enough to remember this whole conversation tomorrow morning. All humility out the door, I merely nod in agreement with Noelle.

“Who’s next?” Theo asks, once again becoming the sober mediator of the group.

“Me!” Jack says. “Never have I ever had sex with my best friend.”

He eyes me and Alex and motions for us to put our fingers down and drink up. The alcohol has started burning my entire mouth on the way down now, but I’m almost too drunk to feel the pain anymore.

“Go for her,” Jack says to Rian. “That way we can be done soon.”

“That’s not fair!” I object loudly. “You’re taking advantage of the fact that I’m an easy target!”

“It’s not our fault you’ve been around the block a few times in terms of life experiences,” Zack pipes up. “Not meaning you’re a whore; you’ve just… done a lot in your lifetime.”

“Never have I ever passed out during sex,” Rian says and the group laughs.

“Diabetes probs,” Miller chuckles as I put down a finger and take another shot.

“Fuck you all,” I say as Alex wraps his arms around my waist to pull me closer to him. “I hate every last one of you.”

It’s safe to say that I’m completely trashed by the time the game ends two turns later. The effects of the ten shots coupled with the amount of alcohol I consumed at the venue are settling in. I can best be described as a heavy weight and hold my alcohol extremely well, so I know it’s getting time to stop when I hit that “fuck everything, I just wanna dance” stage.

Around 3 am The Summer Set heads back to their bus for the night, deciding they should probably get a good night’s rest at least once on this tour. Bam and Roland, who’ve slept throughout the entire fiasco, wake up and announce they’re going to hit the road so they can find a hotel in Seattle and ask if anyone would like to join. All my band mates agree that a real bed sounds more tempting than passing out on the floor for another night and wish me happy birthday once more, despite it being the morning after my actual birthday.

I’m wired. While most of the crew passes out, I’ve hit a streak of excessive bouts of energy followed by random two minute power naps. At some point I find myself leading the Double Dream Hands dance for everybody that’s still awake before I realize the boys have Just Dance 4 and it hasn’t been cracked open yet.

“Dang girl,” Jack says to Noelle in the middle of the Beauty and the Beat dance. “Get it!”

She rolls her eyes slightly, but enjoys every minute of the attention she’s getting from him. He’s had her eyes on her since the minute she got here this morning and it didn’t hurt when he found out her last name is McCallister, either. It only entranced him even more.

“I’m kicking your ass, Noelle,” I announce halfway through the song. “You gotta step your game up.”

“I wasn’t a dancer my entire life,” She says, pushing me slightly in an attempt to throw me off my a-game.

“Oh, dirty move, McCallister!” Alex says from the sidelines, but it doesn’t even matter because I kick her ass badly and lose interest in the game shortly after.

I drop the Wiimote and wander over to Alex, overcome with raging hormones and a lack of attention span.

“Can it be birthday sex time?” I whisper in his ear, but it comes out loud enough for Noelle and Jack to both hear. They both wear smirks on their faces, but I merely turn back to Alex and cock my eyebrow at him. “I’d really like to take my clothes off now.”

“Right here?” Alex asks, flicking his eyes back and forth between me and our company.

“I’d really like to just be naked,” I shrug my shoulders. “Not even just because I’m horny as fuck… I also really just hate clothes.”

I pull my shirt above my head and drop it carelessly on the floor before Alex grabs my arms to stop anymore stripping I’m thinking about doing.

“Why don’t we just go to the bunk if you’re gonna strip?” He whispers sternly.

“I need to shower,” I remember. “Come with me.”

He complies and follows me down the aisle as I continue my drunken banter. Alex isn’t nearly as drunk as I am, but he’s still drunk nonetheless. When we reach the bathroom, I shut the door behind us and turn to him. His eyes wander shamelessly up and down my body and I enjoy the longing in them.

I taunt him a bit by ignoring him long enough to turn on the water and adjust it to the right temperature.

“Come here,” He says finally, grabbing both of my hands to me close to him. When he lets my hands go, they roam his body, finding their way to the button on his jeans. I unbutton his jeans and guide them down his legs before he kicks them off and pulls his t-shirt over his head in one swift motion. “Your turn.”

There’s a mischievous smile on his face as he unclips my bra and lets it fall to the floor, exposing my bare chest to the cool air.

“Underwear off,” I demand, slipping out of mine easily. He obeys, but I’m so impatient that I pull him into the shower before he has them completely off. He doesn’t argue, but instead allows our bodies to collide in the heat of the moment. His lips find mine instinctively and the rest is led by instinct.

I brace my hands on the glass doors as our bodies connect. Alex trails kisses from my collarbone up my neck to behind my ear as he intertwines his fingers with mine.

Even when I’m drunk and horny, I can appreciate the sex with Alex as more than just sex. We have some sort of emotional attachment to each other that I’ve never had with any other person I’ve been with. Whereas most of my sexual partners have been the result of alcohol and bad judgement calls and based purely on physical attraction, Alex has always had a special place in my heart. Hell, I’m not going to deny the fact that I’m physically attracted to him, but that’s just a bonus.

“We’re not doing a very good job of showering,” He whispers with a chuckle.

“I don’t care,” I close my eyes and sigh.

“This was counterproductive,” He says and I turn to face him with a sly smile.

“Really? You think this,” I place my hands gently on his chest and kiss his cheek playfully. “Is counterproductive?”

He shakes his head. “No, not at all. I lied; I’m sorry.”

“You’re forgiven,” I turn to the rack of shampoos and conditioners and comb my fingers through the options, finally landing on the one that sounds the most familiar. Rather than pour some into Alex’s hands like a normal, sober person would, I hold the open bottle above his head and squeeze what seems like a reasonable amount into his hair before doing the same to myself.

Our shower is a really unproductive experience that ends up in the two of us making out or allowing our hands to wander the other’s body more often than actually cleaning ourselves. When we finally turn the water off, the bathroom is filled with steam and neither of us are anywhere near clean. Regardless, we dry off halfheartedly before Alex peaks his head out into the bus to make sure the coast is clear before we sprint, naked to his bunk.

We don’t go to sleep for hours, instead tangling our bodies together in the sheets and enjoying the contact of the other’s skin on our own.

“Happy birthday,” Alex whispers as I cuddle into his chest and he wraps his arms around me. “I hope you had a great day.”

“I did,” I close my eyes when our lips meet. “It was perfect.”