Somewhere in Neverland

Caroline’s seemed a little off ever since she got out of the hospital. She’s just seemed distant and not all there when I try to talk to her, which just isn’t like her. No matter how upset she gets, she never lets it affect her like this. She’s usually pretty good about talking things out with people, but she’s been quite absent lately.

“Good morning,” Jack’s groggy voice snaps me out of my thoughts. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me close.

“Good morning,” I smile, pushing his adorably disheveled hair out of his face. His lips pull into a small smile though his eyes stay closed and he buries his face in my hair.

I don’t exactly know what Jack and I are, but it doesn’t bother me. We’ve been getting closer these past few weeks since Alex and Caroline always seem so preoccupied with each other and somehow we just clicked. I’m not one to hop into bed with any random guy I come across, so it surprises me that after knowing Jack for less than three weeks that I’ve allowed him to become so close to me.

“I can hear your brain overanalyzing last night,” He mumbles with a slight chuckle and I scoff.

“What do you mean?”

His eyes pop open as he gives me a “you know what I’m talking about” kind of look. “Come on, Noelle. You know you’re questioning it.”

“So what if I am?” I defend jokingly. “You’re a rockstar. How am I supposed to know if this was just another casual fuck?”

In one swift motion, he’s sitting on top of me with his legs on either side of my body with a smirk. “If you were just another casual fuck would I do this?” He trails kisses from just behind my ear, down my neck to my collarbone and allows his hands to wander my body. “Or this?”

I can’t hold back the fit of giggles that ensue and before I know what’s happening, the curtain is pulled back and light streams into the small bunk. Jack falls off of me and frantically pulls at the blankets to cover him as Caroline stands wide-eyed and confused in front of us.

“What the f-”

“Before you say anything, please don’t,” I beg, pulling the sheet over my chest self-consciously. “Don’t think too far into this, Caroline.”

Slowly her expression turns from confusion to pure entertainment as she crosses her arms across her chest in an all-knowing way. “So you two, huh? Did you have fun last night?”

Before I can answer, Jack does for me. “Just about as much fun as you and Alex had in San Francisco.”

Her mouth falls open in shock as she looks between Jack and I in disbelief. “Noelle!”

“I didn’t tell him!” I say defensively as it dawns on Caroline just who did.

She turns and storms away. “Alex!”

“What just happened?” I laugh as Jack sits up to pull the curtain back to give us privacy.

He shrugs before cuddling back up against me. “I knew if I held onto that little gem long enough that it could be used in great ways.”

“Yeah,” I say quietly, turning to face him. “You might have just gained 400 respect points by me.”

Jack laughs and kisses me quickly. “Now where were we?”

--



I pick at the remnants of the sandwich on my plate in front of me and try to sort out what I walked in on earlier. Noelle and Jack? It seems impossible. Noelle’s a good girl and Jack’s, well Jack.

It just doesn’t seem like Noelle to go for a guy like him. She likes good boys – not to say Jack isn’t a good guy – but she likes clean cut, goody-goody guys who come from a long line of success. Jack’s not exactly clean cut and his rockstar lifestyle hardly fits the criteria I pictured for a boyfriend for her.

Still, I can’t be upset they’re together. It’s actually kind of great that they are. She’s my best friend and he’s Alex’s. Together we can be those awkward best friends who double date and know far too much about each other’s’ relationships for comfort, but it’s just unsettling that she didn’t tell me.

I look up from my plate and see Noelle cautiously make her way to the table to sit down in front of me. She’s wrapped in a comforter and has a look of slight shame on her face.

“You two have fun?” I smirk, enjoying the way her cheeks flush red almost immediately.

She buries her face in her knees and shakes her head a little bit, laughing the entire time. “It was good,” She blushes even more. “It was better than good, Caroline. It was fucking great.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes and I watch her face the entire time. She wears a small timid smile that tells me just how much she likes Jack. Noelle isn’t one to put out easily. She really makes guys work to get her into bed, which makes me wonder how long the two of them have been together. She’s only been on tour for a few weeks, but I really haven’t noticed the two of them together besides the time I found them cuddling at my house in San Francisco.

“Why didn’t you tell me you two were a thing?” I ask quietly after a while.

The smile on her face disappears and a worried expression fills its place. “You’ve been kind of distant lately,” Her voice is small and her eyes fixate on my fingers that still play with the leftover crust. “It’s been obvious to everyone but you and Alex for a while, really.”

I narrow my eyes at her in confusion and wait for her to continue.

“I’ve really tried not to be bitter about how much time you’ve been spending with Alex because I see how fucking happy you are with him, but I came on this tour to spend time with my best friend and she really hasn’t been present lately,” My eyes bore into her as the words flow effortlessly from her lips – like she’s been holding this all in for a while. “Like right now, Caroline. You’re here, but you’re not here.”

I realize I’ve been holding my breath and I let it out when she stops. She’s right. The past few days have all blurred together into one long, hazy day that I’ve somehow managed to skate through. I’ve allowed my pregnancy news to weigh me down and change me into someone I no longer recognize.

She must take my silence as misunderstanding because she continues. “Jack and I sort of started getting closer as we felt you and Alex slipping further and further away from us. I think we gravitated towards each other because we understood what the other was feeling, you know? We both just miss our best friends.”

“You both also want in each other’s pants,” I say mindlessly.

“There’s the Caroline I know and love,” A small, weary smile forms on her lips. “I just wish I knew she was back for good.”

A pang of guilt hits me as I realize I had no right to be upset she hadn’t told me about her and Jack. It was selfish of me to be even the tiniest bit resentful the topic hadn’t been brought up to me because I’ve been keeping my pregnancy from her for just as long, if not longer. Noelle’s my best friend and we tell each other everything, so why should this case be any different?

“Noelle, I’ve uh, I’ve kinda been keeping something from you, too,” She sends me a questioning look as my hands fumble over the food scraps. I take a deep breath and mentally tell myself it’s okay to tell her. “I’m kinda pregnant.”

“You’re what?” She says loudly and I immediately hush her and make sure no one decided to come check out what the ruckus was all about.

Telling people never gets any easier. “I found out last week when I was in the hospital. The doctor said I was around 6 ½ weeks along.”

“Are you gonna keep it?”

When I nod, I realize it’s the first time I’ve felt confident about our decision. I don’t second guess myself or re-think our decision, but somewhere deep down, I know that we’ll make it work. I know it’s not going to be easy and it’ll take a lot of work to make parenthood and his touring schedule work, but somehow we’ll figure it all out.

“Wow, that is quite the news,” She says. “Have you told everybody else yet?”

“Just Rian,” I answer. “Please don’t tell Jack.”

She shakes her head and laughs. “I’m not gonna tell him something like that. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem, but you know, I expect godmother in return,” She winks. “Or a namesake or something of that magnitude.”

I get up from the table and dump my plate in the garbage. “Fuck you,” I laugh, pulling her into a tight hug. “And all that remains to be seen.”

She lays her hand on my stomach and looks at me with slight disgust. “There’s a baby growing in there and you still have a better stomach than me. I fucking hate you.”

We both burst out in a fit of laughter that’s evidently extremely loud because we get a slew of nasty comments spit at us.

“Hey bitches, we’re trying to watch a movie back here!” Vinny yells from the back lounge. “So if you’d like to shut the fuck up, we’d really appreciate it!”

Noelle and I eye each other mischievously and mentally agree to go harass the shit out of the boys in the lounge and kill any hope of a quiet movie entirely.

After all, what are best friends for?