Somewhere in Neverland

I stare at the reflection of myself in the mirror and slowly run my fingers along the small bump that has formed. It hadn’t been noticeable to me up until I really looked at myself, but the more and more I think about it, the more apparent it’s becoming. I’m pregnant and no matter what I do, the bump isn’t going to stop growing.

The nagging feeling of my heavy eyelids eventually reminds me that sleep, and Alex, are waiting for me. We drove through the night from Boston back to Baltimore to be home for Thanksgiving, but sleep wasn’t something that seemed realistic for the ride. No, Alex and I were up all night discussing how we were going to approach today when we announce to our families that I’m pregnant. We tried to sleep, but no matter how long we laid there, our nerves wouldn’t allow it.

I finally pull my eyes from my reflection and yank the tank top down over my belly before turning to the door. Alex is sitting up against the headboard, playing on his phone when I open the door and walk slowly into the bedroom.

His eyes immediately find my body as he tosses his phone aside and I wrap my arms around my middle self-consciously.

“What’re you doing?” There’s a small mischievous smile on his face that makes me feel slightly better, but even the blatancy of him checking me out doesn’t erase the image of my bump.

“Do I look pregnant?” I ask, pulling my tank top up enough so he can see. I turn to the side and trace the curve as he looks at me like I’m crazy.

He shakes his head. “No, but your boobs are looking pretty phenomenal.”

“They hurt,” I note the sore, throbbing feeling as I poke at them gently. “And I have a pooch already. This wasn’t here the other day.”

He shakes his head and laughs at my worry. “You’re pregnant and whether you like it or not, you’re gonna get a pooch eventually. But right now, I promise you, you don’t have one. Now please come cuddle me for a few hours before we have to pull our tired asses out of bed to go get your family from the airport.”

I flick the light switch off on my way to bed as I crawl cautiously over his body to the other side. Before I’m able to fully pull myself over him, his hands find my waist and guide me so I’m straddling his body in a very suggestive way.

“Alex,” I say slowly, knowing in two hours when we have to be at the airport that we’ll both regret not sleeping at all.

“Hm?” He hums, allowing his hands to roam my body freely.

I know I should tell him to stop, but my willpower is at an all-time low as the pregnancy hormones kick in. Instead of denying his touch, a moan escapes my lips as his hand snakes its way around my neck and pulls me down so our lips can meet.

My fingers weave their way into his messy hair as the kiss becomes more heated. He rolls me over so he’s on top and breaks the kiss long enough to stare intently at me for a few moments. Even though neither of our eyes have fully adjusted to the darkness, it still freaks me out slightly.

“What are you looking at?” I ask defensively.

“You,” I can almost hear him smile as he says it. “You’re gorgeous. Has anybody ever told you that?”

I’m thankful for the dark because I can feel my cheeks become heated from blushing so bad. “A long time ago this really great guy told me at the homecoming dance when I got stood up by some asshole,” I whisper, remembering the first time he ever admitted he had feelings for me, despite it being abundantly clear that both of us had wanted to be more than friends for a while.

“And look at us now,” He says sweetly as he strokes my cheek and kisses my lips softly.

Thinking about how far Alex and I have come since the beginning of our friendship gives me a reassuring feeling about our future together. We’ve been best friends since the very first day we met and have been inseparable throughout all the time we’ve been given together. Back then we were just two awkward new kids desperate for a friend and found solace in each other’s similar situation. We were partners in crime, as our parents lovingly called us, and spent more time together than apart. Somewhere along the line, we both developed feelings for each other that complicated things, but none of that matters now because we’re together and stronger than ever.

It’s just funny thinking back to that fateful dance sophomore year when Jason Carnegie, one of the most popular boys in our grade, stood me up. If I had never experienced that heartbreak, Alex might have never swooped in and grown the confidence to tell me how he really felt. I’m sure Jack would have eventually announced Alex’s interest in me, but even his meddling might have taken a while to convince me. Alex has always been my rock and my biggest supporter, but that day made me realize just how much he really knew and cared about me.

“You’re still thinking about that day, aren’t you?” Alex asks as he trails kisses from behind my ear, down my neck, to my collarbone.

He must be able to sense that my attention is no longer on our physicality and has now moved onto different things. “Yeah,” I admit and he sits up. “I’m sorry, Alex. I’m just not in the mood for sex right now.”

He laughs in defeat and rolls off my body so he’s lying next to me. I can’t tell if he’s upset or not, but I can tell he’s slightly disappointed.

“You know we haven’t had sex since we found out you were pregnant?” He asks and I know he must be wrong. We’ve never gone more than a few days together without getting insanely intimate, but as I think back over the past few days, I realize that he’s right. “Fourteen days.”

“You counted?” I try not to laugh because now I can tell he feels slightly rejected.

He nods and rolls his head to the side to meet my eyes. “We aren’t like this, Caroline. Are you still having second thoughts about going through with this, because you know I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“No!” I sit up abruptly and scoff at even the slight suggestion that I’m not 100% on board with this. I realize the word came out a lot harsher than I meant, so I soften my voice when I continue. “Alex, I’m in this as much as you are,” I find his hand and lace my fingers through his, squeezing his hand tightly. “You and I, we’re a team now, okay? My mind has just been preoccupied with telling people so I haven’t exactly put much thought into sex. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you right now, I’m just exhausted. It was a long night and all I want to do is cuddle with you and power nap before we have to wake up because you know how cranky I am when I don’t sleep.”

“You can be a raging bitch,” He agrees.

“Add in all these wacked out pregnancy hormones and I don’t even want to know how bad I’ll be,” I reason. “I’ve been reading up on the internet about pregnancy symptoms and some women become raging sex addicts while they’re pregnant and some women just aren’t feeling it. I don’t know what type I’ll be, but either way, you’re gonna be miserable. And if I’m the type that just isn’t ever up for it, it has nothing to do with my attraction to you, alright? I love you and you are fine piece of ass.”

He laughs and reaches to pull me back closer to him. I snuggle into his side and throw the comforter over our bodies as he wraps a protective arm around me and kisses my forehead.

“You’re either going to give me the worst dry spell of my life or kill me by overdoing it,” He whispers with a chuckle as he rests his chin on the top of my head. “And I guess I sort of signed up for this, huh?”

“By either forgetting to use a condom in your drunken state or using a broken one, yes.”

I bury my head in his neck and laugh, thinking about how ironic it all is. We were apart for seven years, but now we’re tied together for life. No longer can we allow petty bullshit to affect our relationship because we’re going to be bringing a child into this world together and it doesn’t matter what happens between us because this child will always be our number one worry.

And that scares the hell out of me.