Somewhere in Neverland

My eyes snap open to the sound of the alarm clock blaring on the nightstand and are met with the bright sunlight streaming in through the windows. Alex groans as I peel myself from his tight grasp and climb over him to shut it off.

“Wake up,” I grunt, smacking his arm a little harder that I meant to.

“No,” He says stubbornly, grabbing for my waist to pull me back into his side. “Cuddle me for a little bit longer.”

“No,” I say equally as stubbornly as I poke him in the most obnoxious way I can. “My family’s flight is supposed to land in an hour and it takes forty minutes to get to the airport.”

He bats his eyelashes at me and sticks out his lower lip like a four-year-old little girl trying to get her way. “See, there’s twenty extra minutes that are unaccounted for, plus the time it takes to get off the plane and wait at baggage. I say we have a good twenty-five more minutes before we have to get out of bed,” He tries to reason. “And that is law.”

“Get up now and I will treat you to mind-blowing sex later tonight,” I offer vindictively. “Either that, or you can add another tick-mark to how many days it’s been since we’ve had sex.”

“You wouldn’t,” He eyes me skeptically, but I only shrug my shoulders casually. “Damn it! You know I can’t turn down mind-blowing sex!” Alex says exasperated as he throws back the covers and pulls himself out of bed.

He pulls a hoodie over his head and grabs his wallet as I still debate whether or not I want to get dressed.

“Want some coffee or something?” He asks before he goes downstairs.

“Caffeine is bad for the baby,” I pout, noting the heaviness of my eyelids and how much I could go for a good cup of coffee right now. Or a Red Bull. I could definitely go for a Red Bull. “I’ll find something later.”

He yawns and gives me a thumbs up before disappearing into the hall and I decide that I should maybe pull my ass out of bed, too.

I change into a t-shirt and adidas warm-up pants and pull a grey North Face on before retreating downstairs to find Alex.

He’s standing in the kitchen waiting while a pot of coffee brews, staring off into space. His fingers are busy twirling strands of hair, indicating just how tired he really is. It’s his bad habit and something the guys find extremely annoying, but I find it kind of adorable.

“Tired, huh?” I ask, wrapping my arms around his waist and lie my head on his chest.

“Mhm,” He drapes his arms around my shoulders and rests his head on top of mine. “I don’t know if it’s rude, but after we get back, I’m taking a nap.”

“Don’t worry, my family likes sleep just as much as I do,” I reassure him. “And they’ve been traveling for like, fifteen hours, so I’m sure they’ll want to sleep, too. But what time do we need to be at your parents’ house?”

He hums lightly in thought. “Three-thirty or four, I think. I don’t really know; I’ll call them when we get back.”

Once the coffee is done brewing, he pours himself a travel mug and grabs the keys to the van.

We drive in silence for the most part as I sit with my nerves about telling my family later. I know they’ll be happy for us because they know how much Alex means to me, but I’m still scared they’ll freak out for some reason. My dad is the one that I worry about most – he’s someone who’s lived first-hand in a relationship that stemmed from an accidental pregnancy – but I’m hoping he can see the differences in our case before he makes any judgments about our decision to keep it.

About halfway into the drive, Alex reaches across the console and intertwines our fingers. I admire the way he smiles as he watches the road in front of us and he glances over at me for a moment before returning his attention to driving.

“You excited to tell everyone tonight?” He asks and I shrug.

“I’m excited for everyone to know, but I’m not looking forward to announcing it,” I eye him to see how he’s taking it. Yesterday he’d expressed his nervousness about telling his parents, saying they’d always supported him in his decisions, but sometimes questioned whether or not he’d gotten himself in over his head. They love the boy to pieces, but at the end of the day they know he’s still the same Alex. “Are you excited?”

“I dunno,” He mumbles into the back of my hand as he kisses it softly, causing me to smile all over again. “We’ll see how it goes.”

He offers a small smile that tells me he’s still a nervous wreck about it, but is trying to hold himself together. Although I wish he was more confident, I still find something comforting in the fact that neither of us really knows what we’re getting ourselves into. Neither one of us has an advantage over the other and it’ll be a learning process for both of us.

“Tonight’s gonna be real interesting,” His eyes go wide as he nods in agreement.

“That’s for sure!”

The rest of the ride is filled with small talk about everything except the pregnancy. The past two weeks have been filled with worry and anxiousness about it, so we try and find other things to talk about.

He asks about my family and I fill him in as best as I can. I honestly don’t know much about their day-to-day lives anymore apart from the small tidbit I witnessed during the few weeks I spent with them this past summer. Eliza, who had once been a dance and gymnastics instructor in California, had spent most of her time with the friends she’d made that had gone through similar transitions from the mainland and dodged the local girls who loved to harass her. She’d gotten suspended multiple times during her few months at her school in Hawaii for truancy, which is so unlike the 4.0 student she was in Palo Alto. Victoria, who’d always struggled socially, had become clinically depressed and was so unhappy she’d set up camp in a hammock for most of the time I was there and buried her face in books to escape reality. Georgia is Georgia and has this weird ability to adapt to whatever life throws at her, but still wound up unhappy in Hawaii because everyone else struggled so much. Natalie, who’s always been particularly ADHD and unruly, had only become even more of a handful and constantly tested my parents even more while Olivia was left to figure it all out for herself because everyone else was too preoccupied with their own lives.

“Damn,” He says when I finish. “Is Hawaii that bad?”

“For most people, Hawaii is a dream vacation, but for them, it’s their nightmare come true,” I explain. “No one wants to pick up and move from their childhood home. All they want to do is go back to California.”

He stops at a red light after we get off the freeway and eyes me curiously. “Then why didn’t you hate California?”

“I did to start off with, but then I gave it a chance, I guess. Plus I got kicked out and moved in with the Savages and that was when things really started to look up,” I answer honestly. “It was like the first time that I had two loving parents that cared about what was going on in my life and, I dunno, it felt good.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to see a text from my dad.



“They landed,” I tell Alex as the light turns green. “He said they’re still on the plane and he’ll let me know when they get to baggage.”

“Awesome,” He smiles.

I click reply.



The drive only takes about five more minutes and Alex parks the car in the parking deck at arrivals before he turns the car off and reaches across the console to kiss me.

“I love you,” He says as he leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if I tried. “I love you, too, shithead.”

My phone buzzes again, this time a call, and I quickly answer it.

“We’re at baggage claim, where are you?” Eliza announces excitedly.

I motion for Alex to get out of the car and I hop out, slamming the door behind me. “We’re on our way in from the parking deck.”

“Hurry! Everybody is avidly awaiting your arrival!”

I laugh as Alex grabs my hand and I swing them back and forth as we walk. “We’re across the pickup zone. We’ll be in in a minute. Love you!”

I hang up as a car waves us across and Alex and I jog across the busy street. Once inside, I’m blasted by a wall of warmth and my eyes immediately start scanning the area for my family. They spot Alex and I before I see them because before I know it, I hear two loud voices screaming my name and I turn just in time to see Olivia and Natalie sprinting full speed at me. They’re lucky they’re cute, otherwise I’d be incredibly embarrassed by them right now.

They ambush me in a group hug and everything feels right. I look up from the hug to see my dad, my three other sisters, Mama Savage, Finn, Rhys, and Gracie making their way over with their bags. I wave as best as I can while Nat and Liv cling to my body, but I’m not upset when it becomes apparent they don’t plan on letting go anytime soon.

“Hey guys,” I laugh when everybody makes it over. “I’d give everyone hugs but I seem to have two parasites that currently occupy my arms!”

“I will never stop hugging you!” Natalie shrieks and my dad shakes his head wearily. He looks exhausted and I can only imagine what fifteen hours of traveling with this wild one must have been like.

“Where’s Luke?” Rhys asks when he notices his brother’s absence.

Alex chuckles. “Passed out on my living room floor.”

“To be honest, I didn’t even bother trying to wake him up. We got back at 6:30 this morning and he zonked out pretty quickly,” I shrug my sisters off my body and accept a gracious hug from Mama Savage. “But I promise I’ve kept him in line lately.”

“I’m not worried when he’s with you. I know you take good care of him.”

I look over at Alex to see Olivia and Natalie have attacked him in a tight hug, much like the one they gave me. Although they don’t really remember Alex, they’ve heard stories of him growing up and have formed an attachment to him by those means. He somehow manages to worm his way out of their death grip enough to start toying with them, taking Natalie’s hat off her head and taunting her with it.

Georgia and Gracie are next to give me hugs and I’m thankful for their ability to express their excitement in a calm manner. For only being twelve, both girls are surprisingly mature and soft-spoken, which is a nice change from all the chaos I’ve been surrounded with lately.

Eliza acknowledges me, but understands she has to wait her turn for my attention after the stunt she pulled on her birthday. I haven’t seen my dad since the day before we left for tour and it honestly feels like a lifetime ago.

“I missed you, daddy,” I say, wrapping my arms around his middle and enjoy the comfort his strong and familiar arms bring to me.

“Missed you, too, baby girl,” He kisses the top of my head and pulls away to look at me. “My gosh, you look six weeks older than the last time I saw you! Stop growing up!”

“That’s because she is six weeks older, dad!” Natalie doesn’t catch onto his humor because she’s still too busy trying to get her hat back from Alex. “And Caroline, tell your boyfriend to give me back my hat!”

My dad’s head snaps back towards me and raises his eyebrows in a questioning manner. “Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, did I not mention that?” I ask slowly.

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“Where’s Victoria?” I ask, changing the subject. I really hadn’t noticed her absence up until this point, but it also conveniently gets the topic changed.

“The queen of anti-social is over there,” Eliza points to a bench nearby where Victoria sits, picking at her fingernails and trying her best to look uninterested.

“Yo, Vic Wilde! Get your butt over here and give me a hug!” I raise my hands slightly in a “what the fuck?” kind of motion as she pulls herself from the bench and meanders her way over slowly. “I haven’t seen you in six weeks and you turn all sad sack on me? What’s going on?”

She shrugs, but reluctantly returns my hug. Even though it’s only half-assed, I accept it for now and make a mental note to ask her what’s up her butt today.

“So, uh, should we go?” Alex asks, fending off Natalie, who’s climbing on him as if he were a jungle gym. He looks extremely overwhelmed by my sister’s hyperactivity and persistence and I nod.

I pull Natalie off Alex’s back and usher her to grab her stuff off the middle of the floor so we can leave. Alex and I help everybody with their bags before we make our way outside to the crowded pickup area.

Olivia looks nervously at the heavy traffic we’ll have to cross to get to the parking deck and Alex must notice because he extends his arm and offers a hand to hold as we make our way across. Liv gratefully accepts and clings to him the entire time until we get back to the van.

“She’s adorable,” Alex smiles as he helps load everyone’s bags into the van.

I look at my baby sister who, despite clutching her stuffed bunny rabbit and sucking her thumb, doesn’t look so babyish anymore. She stares absently at the ground as her eyelids threaten to succumb to her exhaustion.

“Livvy,” I say, snapping her out of her stupor so she doesn’t double over and collapse onto the ground. I scoop her into my arms and she immediately melts into my body, laying her head on my shoulder and sighs in content. “Let’s get you in the van so you can sleep.”

I buckle her into her booster seat and carefully hop out of the van so everybody else can file in.

Alex and I climb into the front seat and meet each other’s gaze with a smile as silence fills the van. When I look back over my shoulder, everybody’s eyes are closed and their chests rise and fall deeply. I clutch Alex’s hand the entire way back to his house, knowing that in just a few hours, we’ll be announcing to everyone we know and love, that we’re expecting.

It seemed like such a big deal yesterday, but now that everyone is here, it feels right because despite every dumb thing I’ve done, despite how many times I’ve hurt these people in this van, they’re still here by my side. They still flew halfway across the world to come see me.

They’re still on my team.