Somewhere in Neverland

After filling our plates from the buffet style set-up Isobel and Mama Savage put together in the kitchen, we make our way to the cramped dining room that’s been set up with three card tables to accommodate the large group. Despite the nerves that have settled in, I force myself to eat, knowing full well people will notice if I don’t and question my strange behavior.

The room is filled with holiday cheer and liveliness and even though I know some of the boys are sad their families can’t be here to celebrate, you can’t even tell. Everyone partakes in the conversation which ranges from how the tour has been to Black Friday sales.

“There’s no way in hell any of us are waking up tomorrow to go Black Friday shopping,” Roland says sternly as he eyes Russell and Samson, who look like they’re plotting. “No way, guys. After last night’s all-nighter, that’s the last thing you two need.”

They cross their arms and pout like little kids, causing the adults in the room to laugh. I’m sure they get some sort of kick out of Russell and Sam’s childish behavior, but no one else does. We’ve been living with it for the past six weeks and it’s nothing new to us.

“Why didn’t we go around and say what we were thankful for?” Olivia asks over the laughter.

My dad wipes his mouth with his napkin and swallows the bite of food he’s working on before answering. “Because we wanted to eat dinner before 2013, Liv. There’s just too many people and not enough time, realistically.”

“Isn’t that something to be thankful for?” She asks innocently. “To be surrounded by a group of people that support you and love you even though you aren’t necessarily family?”

The room goes silent as everyone contemplates her statement. For being seven, the words that just came out of her mouth are full of wisdom and truth and I know everyone recognizes it.

“Yeah, baby, it is,” My dad smiles.

Alex squeezes my hand tightly under the table as I shakily lift another forkful of food to my mouth and force it down. I glance over at him quickly to try to read the expression on his face, but he sees me looking and he offers a small smile before clearing his throat.

That’s when the nerves become unbearable and I place my fork on my plate in anticipation.

“Uh, Caroline and I kinda have an announcement,” Alex says slowly, acquiring the attention of everyone in the room.

“That you two fuck relentlessly?” Luke asks with a smirk. "Cause we already knew that!"

“Dude!” Finn says in disbelief. “Did you really just say that?”

Mama Savage smacks Luke’s arm firmly. “Ow!” He pouts, holding the spot she hit. “That was low, mommy!”

“So was your inappropriate outburst,” She retorts. “I swear I raised you better than that.”

“Uh, no,” Alex shakes his head, an embarrassed and uneasy look on his face.

“Are you getting married?” Olivia asks enthusiastically.

“Um, no,” He answers, his voice quivering slightly. “But no more guesses, please. J-Just let me say what I need to say,” Alex takes a deep breath and this time I’m the one squeezing his hand reassuringly. He sure as hell got the shitty end of the stick with having to announce this to my entire family along with his parents. Watching him struggle to form the words suddenly makes telling Noelle and the boys seem so minor and easy compared to this. “Um, C-Caroline’s um-”

“I’m pregnant,” I interrupt, squeezing his hand as I stand up next to him, momentarily putting on a brave front.

My dad chokes on the bite of food in his mouth and his eyes get wide as the room goes completely silent. “Y-You’re pregnant?” He asks, shock and confusion evident in his demeanor.

I nod and will myself to look around the room at everyone else. Mama Savage and Isobel both have tears in their eyes and make their way through the crowded room to engulf the both of us in tight hugs. They offer their congratulations while the little girls sit, whispering back and forth.

“Um, what does pregnant mean?” Natalie asks, her eyebrows furrowing together in thought.

Some of the boys laugh at her childhood naivety, but I only shake my head and take a deep breath. “It means I’m gonna have a baby,” I try to explain without crying.

My dad sits, dumbfounded and silent and I want to scream at him to say anything. Anything at all. Even Peter has offered congratulations, along with most of the boys, but my dad is silent.

“So you’re gonna be a mommy?” Olivia clarifies and I nod. “And Alex is gonna be a daddy?”

“And you’re gonna be an aunt,” Alex smiles as his arm finds its way around my waist to pull me in closer to him.

Victoria sits equally as silent as my dad with a confused and hurt look on her face. I want to ask her what’s wrong, but she hangs her head and stares at the plate of food in front of her before I can make eye contact. She’s been weird ever since we picked her up this morning at the airport. I know she still harbors resentment for me being able to stay behind in California and she feels like I abandoned them when I didn’t go with them, but at some point she needs to realize that I’m 24 and I need to have my own life, too. And whether she likes it or not, change is happening and it’s happening now.

“Does that mean daddy’s gonna be a grandpa?” Olivia scrunches her nose. “That makes him sound so, so old.”

It’s safe to say that our little announcement altered the mood of the night. While most everybody took it well, my dad sad in a silent and solemn state throughout the rest of dinner and dessert. I wanted him to say anything, but I bit my tongue and accepted this wasn’t the right time to talk to him about everything. Instead, I happily answered everybody’s questions and explained, with as little detail, how I became pregnant to my younger sisters.

After Gracie and Georgia help clear the dessert dishes off the table, we begin getting ready to head back to Alex’s for the night. I search for Isobel to express my thanks for her hospitality and find her in the kitchen standing in front of the sink.

She turns off the water and wipes her hands on a dish towel when she sees me enter and I wrap my arms around her tightly. Even though I haven’t seen her in seven years, her arms are familiar and inviting and I enjoy the comfort they bring.

“Thank you for everything,” I breathe, still holding onto her. “It was lovely. My family really enjoyed themselves and I had a really good time, too.”

“Anytime,” She pulls away, but holds onto my shoulders as she looks me over seriously. “Really, anytime, Caroline,” She glances down at my stomach curiously and I nod, allowing her to place her hands gently on my belly. “There’s a baby in here,” She whispers. “My grandbaby.”

“It’s pretty scary,” I say, half kidding and half for real. “I definitely didn’t expect this to happen, but I guess you live and you learn, huh?”

“And Alex learns the importance of condoms, I guess,” She shrugs. “I’ve known you for eighteen years and Alex, you know, since he was born and I know you two will figure it out. You may not get it at first, but things will work in your favor.”

She winks and gives me one last hug before I say goodnight and join everyone in the van. I can’t help but allow my mind to wander during the ride back to Alex’s about our impeding parenthood and if we really will figure everything out beforehand. After all, I leave for San Francisco in three days and we haven’t even figured out how we’re gonna make this work.

This should be an interesting few days…