Somewhere in Neverland

The bright red numbers on the digital clock tell me it’s half past four in the morning, but my body refuses to sleep and my mind is running all over the place.

Alex is sitting next to me on the bed and he stares intently at the sleeping infant that he’s already so enamored with. He has her propped up on his knees because his arms got tired, but he insisted he still wanted to hold her. I didn’t fight him because I was too exhausted to argue, so instead I watch him bond mercilessly with our daughter and am completely fine with it.

“She just doesn’t look like an Isabelle,” Alex announces, breaking the peaceful silence that surrounds us.

I yawn and rest my head on his shoulder. “Why not?”

“Izzy’s too spunky,” He reasons. “She just doesn’t seem feisty enough to be an Izzy.”

“But we don’t have any other names,” I point out. “And a person grows into their name. I don’t think I know anyone where I’ve been like, ‘No, no, your name does not work on you.’”

He laughs and kisses the top of my head. “What if I told you I just don’t like it anymore because I’m fickle and I don’t know what I like?”

“So Isabelle is out?” I eye him and he gives me this guilty look and nods.

“It just doesn’t seem right anymore, now that she’s here.”

I know Alex is indecisive and I can blame him for this all I want, but I’d sort of fallen out of love with the idea of naming her Isabelle, too, and am glad we’re on the same page, even if he doesn’t know it.

“This is hard,” I whisper, watching her sleep contently in his lap. “What do you think she looks like?”

“Honestly? I think she looks like an Anna,” He looks to me for confirmation and all I can do is smile. I’ve been fighting for Anna this entire time. “I hate that I like it.”

“Do you like it or do you love it?” I ask, not wanting him to hate his daughter’s name.

He thinks about it for a minute. “Well, I love her, so if we choose Anna, I guess by default I’ll love it, too.”

“You like Annabelle better, don’t you?” He nods. “Then I guess she’s an Annabelle.”

All throughout the pregnancy he’d fought for Annabelle while I preferred Anna. I didn’t like Annabelle initially because I thought it sounded childish, but he insisted he loved it. And Alex agreeing to name her something with the understanding that he doesn’t have to love her name to love her has made me realize the same thing.

“We don’t have to,” He says seriously.

“I can call her Anna, so I don’t really care. You love Annabelle, so fuck it. She’s an Annabelle.”

“Annabelle Gaskarth,” He says it quietly and smiles. “Yeah.”

“Does she need a middle name?” I ask suddenly.

He looks horrified. We had a hard enough time agreeing on one name, so to realize she’s lacking a middle name sucks.

“We could just be like your parents and throw in a random word,” He smirks. “Annabelle Fucking Gaskarth!”

“For real,” I say, melting into his side as he wraps his arm around me. I can’t hold back the yawn that escapes, but I know there’s no point in going to sleep because the nurses will be back in shortly to check on us and make sure everything is okay.



“Was she cute?” Jack flops himself down on the bed and props himself up enough to watch as I wander around the room to get ready for bed.

“She was precious,” I stop digging through the drawer so I can fully concentrate on Jack. “I wish you could’ve been there to see her. The birth was crazy, but god dammit, they have a good looking kid.”

He smiles. “And Caroline’s all good?”

“Yup, she’s stable and her endo said she was transitioning well. I think they’re gonna keep her for a few days, but that might just be protocol, anyways,” I pull my shirt over my head and discard it in the dirty clothes pile before yanking my pajama shirt on and crawling into bed next to him.

“It’s so crazy Alex and Danger have a kid,” Jack rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. “I just wanna meet her.”

“Tomorrow,” I rest my head on his chest and yawn. Today’s been a long day.

“Was that your phone or mine?” Jack asks out of the blue.

“I didn’t hear anything,” I mutter into his chest. “It was probably you.”

He lifts his body slightly to reach into the pocket of his sweatpants and pulls out his phone.

“Was it you?” I ask, my eyes are now closed.

“Mhm,” He hums. “Those fuckers finally settled on a name.”

My eyes shoot open to find him smiling down at me. “For real?”

He nods excitedly and shoves his phone in my face. Sure enough, there’s a text from Alex.

“Annabelle Claire,” He announces. “It’s adorable, but not at all what I expected.”

I laugh, but know exactly what he’s talking about. “What’d you expect?”

He thinks about it for a minute. “Deuce Fucker.”

“Sounds about right.”