I Won't Let Go

I opened the door to my flat after a long day at work all I wanted to do was collapse bury myself among my blankets and sleep. Kicking my shoes off I pulled my black trench coat from my curvy frame and hung it on the rusting coat hanger behind me.

My eyes were heavy.

My body ached.

I needed sleep.

Dragging my feet along my carpeted floor I walked down my small passageway barging into my room, stopping dead in my tracks at the site in front of me.

Louis.

What was he doing here?

What was he doing in my flat?

“What are you doing here?”

“I had to see you…” he began rising to his feet and stepping toward me. I took a step back.

“How did you get in here?” I asked my hazel eyes locking with his cerulean ones.

“Spare key,” holding up his hand a silver key hung from his index finger. I scowled before hurrying over to him and snatching the object from his finger.

“You really need to think of a better place to hide your key.”

“And you really shouldn’t be here, but look where we are,” I snapped opening my underwear drawer and burying my key in it, between the silky material.

I furiously shoved my drawer closed and spun around only to knock into a firm chest.

His firm chest.

Clearing my throat I looked up, his piercing eyes burned into mine.

Eyes that I used to spend hours getting lost in, getting lost in the intricate details: the way a white circle outline his pupil and light green flecks speckled his blue irises.

“Why aren’t you returning my calls?” he asked his voice low, hurt flashed through his eyes and a shiver ran down my spine.

“Why are you calling me?” I shot back quickly.

“Geez Avery… Really?” he sighed frustrated running his fingers through his feathery hair.

“Yes Louis, really!”

“Because I miss you.”

“No… No…” I emphasised on the words pushing past him, I was stopped abruptly when his hand slammed down on my dresser making me jump.

“Damn it Avery!” I flicked my eyes back to look at his, anger and anguish flashed through them.

“Don’t damn it Avery me,” I snapped hotly, “You knew this would never work, you knew it and I knew it… but we tried it anyway.”

Tears shined in his eyes. I fought back the urge to reach out and hug him.

This had to be.

Louis hands were planted firmly on my dresser caging me in.

Hands that would gently trace patterns into my back on our lazy days spent on the lounge together. I looked at Louis taking in his broken state.

“You shouldn’t be here Lou and you know it,” I paused my voice softening. “We knew that the relationship that we had was doomed for from the start.”

“No…” he begun swallowing hard, his words rushed, “No…” he moved his hands from the dresser and cupped my face in his warm hands. “No…” he sniffled a tear escaping and sliding down his cheek. “It wasn’t Avery… I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters.”

“Lou…” a pain formed in my chest as I whispered his name, melting under his touch, causing my eyes to water. I reached up my hands and grasped his in my own.

“Please Avery, tell me you love me,” his words were broken. The wavering in his tone was evident as the tears fell freely from his eyes.

“I love you Louis I rea-”

“Then that’s all we need,” he cut me off smiling a watery smile, sniffling and swallowing hard.

“Louis you know that’s not all. I don’t meet the criteria for a girl who should be seen dating a world famous pop star.”

“I don’t care…” he stated shaking his head, “There isn’t a criteria for love!”
I shook my head tears spilling onto my cheeks, a sorrowful laugh fell from my lips, “Louis we need to move on and realise that this, what we want… it’s never going to happen.”

“Why? Why won’t it happen?” he shot, grappling for a fibre of opportunity, there wasn’t any.

“Because management don’t want you dating a simple girl working in a local coffee shop, it taints your image… plus I’m not from here, I still don’t know my way round oh…” I paused “and let’s not forget your girlfriend.” Louis physically winced at the mention of Eleanor and averted his eyes from mine.

“But I don’t love her,” he paused. “Not like I love you,” he locked eyes with mine again and I could see the intensity in them and I shuddered under the hold his eyes had on mine.

Sighing shakily I closed my eyes briefly and inhaled deeply, opening my eyes I ran my hands up his perfectly tones arms.

Arms that held me through the night, shielded me through a raging storm, arms that reassured me that everything would be fine.

I cupped his face in my small hands wiping the tears from his face.

“It’s time you let go of me and moved on,” I pushed as much as it pained me to admit, the pain in my chest was worsening with every breath a tightness making it hard for me to breath properly without a sob escaping my lips at the pain. He shook his head vigorously, I nodded my head slowly. “Yes Lou.”

“No!” he leaned forward and captured my lips in his, all the anger, frustration and passion he felt came out in one single kiss. The kiss deepened and I felt his hunger and desperation for the two of us to be together.

I pulled away from him quickly.

I pulled away because of the pain that pierced through my chest.

I pulled away in order to keep my sanity.

“Let us go.”

“I’ll let go when you do,” he stated a light growl laced his words. He looked at me intensely once more before letting go of my face and walking out of my flat. When I heard the door close that was when I let everything out.

At first it was light sobs as I clambered onto my mattress and buried my face into the softness of my pillow, that was when it all came rushing out, long sobs that I had been forcing down broke from my lips.

Cries of frustration.

Cries of anger.

But most of all cries of pain.

With feeble hands I grabbed my blankets and cocooned myself crying myself into a state of sleep where I wouldn’t wake up for hours.