I Won't Let Go

December 27th 2012
My eyes fluttered open at the light rays of morning light that were filtering in through my slightly opened blind, groaning I pulled myself into a sitting position rubbing my eyes tiredly before stretching out my joints listening as they cracked noisily. Inhaling deeply I looked down and saw the bucket from yesterday had vanished and my roomed looked tidier. That was when banging in the kitchen alerted me that someone was in my home. Springing to my feet I hurried down my passageway into the kitchen, I sighed when I saw Zayn buried in among my pots and pans, clearing my throat I caused the raven haired male to jump, his head coming in contact with the wooden frame of my cupboard.

“Ah…” he groaned as turned slightly, I couldn’t help the laughter that rippled from my lips at his pain. “Yeah, ha, ha very funny,” sarcasm dripped from each of his words as he fiercely rubbed the back of his head hoping to ease his pain.

“What are you doing here?” I asked trying to stifle my laughter but failing miserably.

“Well I was going to make pancakes for you but I couldn’t find a pan because of how cluttered your cupboards are,” he admitted looking up at me his mahogany irises locking with mine as a light smile spread across his face. Chuckling I shook my head as I stepped toward the injured singer in front of me.

“Come here,” I reached out and grabbed his neck forcing him to stoop lower so I can check out his head to make sure there was no blood. “No blood,” I stated, “just a lump you’ll be fine.”

Zayn faked hurt, his mouth dropping open and forming an ‘o’ “What if I’m concussed?”

“Aww…” I cooed letting go of him as he straightened up looking at me, “you didn’t hit yourself that hard.”

“Wow, what a great and caring friend you are,” he deadpanned causing me to laugh.

“Don’t you forget it,” with that I pushed past him and walked over to the cupboard before I began to rummage through it grabbing a reasonable sized pan and handing it to him. “There.”

“How…” he began “Okay I was looking in there for at least an hour and couldn’t find anything.”

“That’s because you were having a boys look.”

“I kn… hey” he frowned when what I said registered. I chuckled before walking over to my small table and sitting down, “bitch.”

“You better believe it,” he frowned at me before walking over to my stove and starting it up, “and you still make me food.”

“Because I am a good friend, and don’t let your harsh words effect me,” he stated in a snooty voice before looking at me and winking cheekily.

The two of us talked about pointless things until he set a steaming plate of pancakes in front of me causing my mouth to water, rubbing my hands together I reached out and grabbed the maple syrup drizzling it over the stack, watching as the golden liquid trickled down the layers before grabbing my knife and fork and cutting into it. looking up I watched as Zayn sat down opposite me a smile spread across his face.

“How did helping Liam go?” I asked causally.

“Alright, we got the suits picked out for the guys at the wedding,” he stated with a simple shrug of his shoulders. His eyes were locked on mine the intensity behind them told me that there was something else he wanted to talk to me about and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to ask.

“How did your day with Louis go?” I nearly choked on my mouthful when he mentioned it, the way he said it he was genuinely interested and not in a joking sort of way.

“It was alright,” I shrugged my shoulders flippantly, a loud laugh echoed around the room my head snapped up and I looked at Zayn who had tilted his head back laughing heartedly. “What are you laughing at?”

“You.” He stated bring his head forward to look at me.

“Me? What did I do?”

“You suck at lying.”

“I’m not lying.” I snapped.

“Really?” he pressed, I nodded my head slowly but a smile quirked at his lips as he tried to keep a straight face. “Then what was Louis doing in your bed?” my heart stopped and my eyes widened in horror. Zayn wasn’t supposed to see that, Louis wasn’t supposed to fall asleep. I kicked myself mentally what had I done?

I hadn’t realised that Zayn was calling my name until his hands gripped my shoulders and he turned me to look at him. I was quickly pulled from my thoughts. “It wasn’t supposed to happen, it was an accident, he wasn’t meant to fall asleep, you weren’t mean to see it!” the words tumbled from my lips without me thinking I pulled myself out of Zayns’ hold pushing myself to my feet the chair behind me flinging back. Zayn looked taken aback at my sudden outburst, I quickly walked away from him and down to my room slamming my door closed walking over to my phone on the charger and punching in Louis number.

Hi this is Louis can’t come to the phone leave a message bye! I hit the end button a strangled scream leaving my lips as my phone dropped from my hands I fell onto the floor beneath me drawing my knees close to me and resting my forehead on my knee caps closing my eyes.

“A?” it was Zayn he sounded hesitant. Slowly I turned my head toward my door watching as he walked in slowly a worried look on his face. “A what was that?”

“Don’t tell El,” was all I could say. His dark brows furrowed together as he walked toward me before taking a seat next to me.

“I wasn’t going to,” he admitted. I sighed and moved myself closer to him before burying my face into the material of his jacket, he smelled of cigarettes and cologne, I closed my eyes and let his presence calm me. I felt his arm wrap around me and pull me close as he sighed. “You still love him don’t you?” I bit my lip before slowly nodding my head. He sighed sympathetically squeezing me before speaking, “You know he loves you right?”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

“Then why do you do this to yourself? To him?”

I pulled away from him and looked at him, “If we were to date again then all hell would break loose, you know what happened last time. Management got in on it and threatened to cut him from the band and the label.”

“Yeah but…”

“No, there are no buts Zayn. I can’t be the reason you guys lose a band member; I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. Plus, he has Eleanor and she loves him imagine what would happen if we were to give into our feelings. It would kill her.”

“She would understand.” I arched my brow at him skeptically before shaking my head.

“No, I don’t think she would.”

“Alright, take Eleanor out of the picture, what is the worst management could do to you?”

“Deport me.”

“Yeah right.”

“Don’t put it passed them, they tried it before I’m sure they’ll do it again.”

“Wait, what? They threatened to deport you because you were with Louis?” slowly I nodded my head looking away from Zayn and at my bedroom wall. “That’s fucking wrong,” with that he got to his feet and walked toward my bedroom door.

“Where are you going?” I asked quickly turning to look at him.

“Somewhere,” a fire had been ignited in his eyes and I was worried where he was going.

“Zayn don’t do something stupid now,” I begged getting to my feet slowly and walking toward him.

“I won’t,” his words were low and I knew that whatever he was going to do he meant business.

“Za-” I was cut off by my bedroom door closing harshly. Quickly I ran toward the door opening it and down the passage way but Zayn had vanished he must have ran out knowing that I would have followed. I heard the rev of a motor and the screeching of tires and that was when I knew he had gone.
This wasn’t good.