I Won't Let Go

December 24th 2012

I wandered around Ritas' apartment looking for something, anything to tidy; anything out of place that I could tuck away. I wanted her home to be perfect when she bought Ethan home. It had been four days since she had given birth to her healthy son, as soon as she left the hospital she had decided to go and see her parents in Yorkshire to show them their new grandson. She had promised me that she would be home today and the three of us would spend Christmas together watching all the Christmas movies that were on TV while stuffing our faces with chocolate and being jolly. Looking up at the clock on the mantle and saw that it was eleven thirty, Rita said she would be in at about 1. I still had two and a half hours before she was back and I had done everything I could think of. Her lounge room and hallway was covered with bright Christmas decorations and standing erect in the same room was a large Christmas tree I had bought and decorated it with bright lights and lots of ornaments.

Sighing I plonked down on one of the chairs that were placed around the dinner table burying my face in my hands my eyes drifting closed briefly. I pulled myself out of my stage of fatigue, I wasn't allowed to fall asleep I had to be awake for her, when she walked through that door I had to be standing waiting for her. Quickly I got to my feet grabbed my purse of the bench and decided that I would go window-shopping. One-way to keep me awake. No better way to fight away the feeling of drowsiness then wandering around in the freezing cold.

Grabbing my thick coat I slipped the spare key into my jean pocket and walked out closing the door softly behind me. Walking toward the lift and hitting the bottom arrow I waited for it to ding before stepping in squeezing between the sea of bodies. I stayed silent waiting for the compartment to come to a stop and ding open at the ground floor. Stepping out quickly I avoided the dreaded squeezing and shoving to get out all at once. Grabbing my iPod out of my pocket I slipped the buds into my ears and hit play an instant smile spreading across my face as Ed Sheeran's voice echoed in my ears. Stepping out of the door and onto the sidewalk I turned and began down the street silently the cold wind slapping me across the face waking me up but also causing my cheeks to numb and tears form. Shaking my head I swallowed and continued to walk along praying that I would warm up considering I wasn't wearing enough layers to be warm.



I wandered along aimlessly gazing into pristine windows at outfits placed on mannequins and seeing if I found anything worth buying. That was when I saw it, a white dress, perfect cut for Rita, I smiled and hurried into the store and over to one of the racks searching for the gown in her size. Breathing a sigh of relief when I found one I hurried over to the cashier and handed the garment over.

"Hello," she greeted a smile spreading across her face.

"Hello," I spoke removing my source of music from my ears and digging around for my key card I had slipped into my jean pocket. She read out the price to me, I smiled handing my card over for her to swipe.

Once the cashier had finished with my card I smiled grabbing the plastic bag smiling lightly bidding her goodbye before turning and walking out of the clothing store and continuing down the street gazing into the passing windows. I walked past a shop and caught a glimpse at a gown that was indescribable. I came to a quick stop outside and looked up into the window tears filling my eyes at a memory that flashed through my mind.

"You know I'm going to marry you right?"

"Louis?" I asked taken aback by his sudden outburst, turning I looked at him as he lay on his bed, the blanket pushed back exposing his tanned chest. His feathery hair disheveled from last nights activities a lazy smile was spread across his face as he looked at me. "You're not serious." I giggled shaking my head my hair falling over my shoulders as I bent down to slip my foot into the steletto I had come over in.
The bed moved underneath me before I felt an arm wrap around my waist and I was pulled back into the softness of his bed.

"I'm deadly serious, I love you," he stated as he hovered over me before bending his neck and brushing his nose against mine sweetly. I giggled.

"I love you too Lou." with that I gently pressed my lips against his in a sweet kiss.

I still had the ring he gave me hidden in my jewelry, it wasn't an engagement ring but it was close enough, a simple silver ring encrusted with diamonds and aquamarine stones. He had given it to me as a promise ring, a ring signifying that one day we were going to be together forever and I was going to take his last name.
Well that went down the drain when Management heard about it.
Swallowing hard to remove the lump in my throat I looked at the elegant gown that stood in the window, taking a deep breath I looked over my shoulder before entering.

I was hit with a vision of white and light pink silk. I felt out of place dressed in my ripped skinnies and a thin hoodie. I began to slowly wander around the store taking in all the gowns that filled the store. I was happily gazing when an older woman walked toward me.

"Can I help you?" lifting my gaze I looked at her she had a warm smile spread across her face. I was about to answer when I closed my mouth and shook my head uttering a no thank you.
"Well if you need anything just let me know," nodding my head I watched as she wandered away, I turned my attention back to skimming through the gowns. Slowly I progressed around the store coming to a stop next to the gown in the window. I took in the bodice that had been encrusted with glass beading, the corset that joins to a flowing white skirt, enough volume to look nice but not overly puffy and too princess-y.

"Would you like to try it on?" a voice came from behind me, turning my head I saw the elder woman from earlier. Biting my lip I looked back at the gown before slowly nodding my head.
"Yes please," the womans' smiled widened and she walked over to one of the hangers taking the gown down and handing it over to me. "The change rooms are just over there," I gently nodded my head offering her a warm smile taking the hanger I walked toward the white cotton curtains.



Once I had slipped myself into the gown I poked my head out the window catching the attention of the attendant who hurried over to me and stepped inside grabbing the strings and tightening the corset around my chest causing me to gasp for air at the sudden tightness.

"It looks amazing on you love," she complemented patting my bare shoulder, "come have a look." she drew back the curtain and I walked over to the podium slowly stepping onto the platform looking down at the way the silk swirled with every movement I made. Lifting my head I looked into the mirrors a gasp escaping my lips at the reflection in front of me.

The woman was right, this dress was beautiful and it looked amazing on me, hugging the right areas perfectly and flowing out the way I wanted it to. A pang of pain hit me and a painful tingling began in the tip of my nose causing tears to form in my eyes. The elder woman who’s name I still didn’t know wandered over to me her lips curled into a wide smile causing crinkles to appear in the corners of her eyes. My eyes flicked to her name badge, Iris, before flicking back to her grassy green eyes.

“What do you think?” afraid that my voice would give way on my I simply nodded my head and wiped the moisture away from underneath my eyes. This was the dress I wanted, the dress I want. Raking my fingers through my hair I grasped the strands and pulled it so it was sitting on top of my head. “Perfect, perhaps a simple necklace with diamond studs or drooping pearls.” Iris smiled as her eyes began to rake around the store. I was so lost in my own world that I didn’t notice the seven friends wander into the wedding dress shop until it was too late.

“Avery?”