Take One Last Breath

..::Austin’s POV::..

“I’m gonna..I gotta…” I didn’t know exactly what to say. It was a complete loss of words.

“Yeah, I think the car’s going to freeze solid, and we’ll be stuck inside,” he said, and I reached for the books in the back seat.

“We’d be frozen solid next,” I pointed out as I grabbed hold of the books, and was now reaching for the door knob.

“I’m sure we could keep each other warm,” he joked intimately, winking at me. I rolled my eyes playfully as we both got out of the car, “wait,” he stopped me right before we were about to go through the front door of the huge house. I raised an eyebrow at him, looking at him curiously, “I uh, uhm, I really like you,” he said, almost seeming shy. My stomach dropped, and I felt sick. First it was good sick, then it was bad sick. I started shaking my head frantically.

“I don’t do relationships,” I said abruptly, starting back towards the door, only to be stopped again by Novak.

“Listen, I’m not asking for a relationship right now. Just…think about it?” he pleaded, and I softly shook my head.

“I won’t get your hopes up, Brandon,” I frowned at him, not liking having to let him down. I felt heartless, honestly. I turned into the door, leaving Novak behind. I ran into Kori on my way up the stairs. She immediately smoothed out her messed up hair. I was surprised she hadn’t showered yet, and the strong smell of sweat overcame me, “Bam fucking with you again?” I asked.

“Uh, yeah. You can say that,” she looked put off by my question, but quickly gain composure.

“Why don’t you go take a shower,” I used my free hand to turn her back around and up the stairs, “Then I’m going to find you a very nice lady who’s going to ask you a lot about your feelings. Then they’re going to take you to a very nice hotel room where the walls are made out of pillows,” I told her, saying it as if I were talking to a four year old.

“Ha. Ha.” She said, giving me an un-amused look.

“I get it, Kori, it’s an off day for you. Go take a shower, and I’ll go like, cut Bam’s butthole open, or something,” I said, content with the smile that crawled on her lips, “after that, I have some serious girl talk I need to share with you, so we need to find the deepest hole in Earth so nobody can hear your screams, because I’ll have to kill you afterwards,” I told her, and walked away and to my room.

“Why can’t we just take shithead down there and kill him,” she asked before retreating into her own room. I opened the door to mine, and went to place the library books on the empty book shelf. My phone started ringing as I pulled an interesting book out, and hoped to god it wasn’t Novak with more of his begging. I looked at the caller ID, happy to see ‘dad’ written across the screen. I answered the phone, putting it on my ear.

“Hey dad,” I sung into the phone, happy to finally hear his voice. He’s been sick and in the hospital lately, which broke my heart. Besides Bam, April, and Phil, my dad was the only direct family I had. If I lost him, I don’t know what I would do.

“Hey sugar,” he said into the phone, a series of coughs following those two words. I wish I could have just been there with him. He needed me.

“What’s going on,” I said, trying to keep the conversation positive.

“Not much, dear. How are you doing in Pennsylvania?” he asked, changing the subject to what I was doing. That was never a good sign.

“Bam hates Kori. He’s been trying to kill her since we got here, and vice versa,” I told him honestly, hearing him chuckle in the background.

“Listen, princess. I don’t have long,” he said in a sad voice, and my heart nearly dropped. “I’ve got a busy day,” he continued, and my stomach was back in its place. The thought of losing my dad alone nearly gave me a heart attack. “Just wanted to see how you were doing,” he started coughing again. I knew I had to go see him.

“Dad, I’m coming up there,” I told him, my foot already down because I know he’d protest, “I’ve got just enough for a plane ticket.”

“No, don’t. I’ll be fine Austine. You don’t have to worry about me every time you hear my voice,” he instructed, and I already felt defeated.

“I can’t help it,” I admitted.

“Listen, dear, the nurses are here. I love you, Austine. With all my heart,” he said, and I could almost pick out sadness. I only hoped the sadness was that he was only 57 and was in the hospital. I couldn’t let my mind jump to conclusions.

“I love you too, dad,” I told him, biting on my thumb nail, “See you later.”

“What a glorious day that will be,” he said before he hung up. I was left confused, and almost with pants that I peed in when Saleigh came up behind me.

“Who was that,” she asked, and I jumped nearly 9 feet in the air.

“It was my dad,” I said, sitting down on my bed, continuing to bite at my nail. She swatted my hand away from my face, and I hissed at her.

“Don’t do that, you bite them down to the core when you’re nervous and they bleed everywhere,” she said, sitting down next to me, “What happened? What did he talk about? Oh my god, is he okay?” she asked. Kori was fond of my dad. Not like they were fucking behind my back or anything, but he was like a second father to Kori, or so she always said.

“I think,” I lied, looking down at my already messed up thumb nail.

“Okay, well if he’s okay, what’s the, god please let me drop dead now, girl talk you were dreading? Oh wait, no, I was the one dreading it,” she said, able to put a smile on my face, then I frowned at what I had temporarily forgot about.

“Oh right. Novak took me to the library and out to eat, etcetera,” I told her, and she nodded, waiting for me to tell her something more interesting.

“Okay?” she asked.

“He kissed me,” I told her, and her eyes went wide.

“Ew. You made lip contact with Novak,” she asked, scooting away from me, “God only knows what disease you have now,” she said, and I found myself rolling my eyes again, “What happened next,” she asked.

“He wants a relationship,” I told her, and she was on the floor laughing, not breathing. “I said no, stop laughing,” I said, sure she was laughing because she thought I might be dating him.

“He…wants….a relationship….with….you,” she asked between breaths, not yet even close to being done laughing.

“Well,” I said, acting overly insulted. She started laughing even harder at this.

“Came…out wrong,” she managed to say, and I just shook my head at her.

“Remember. Nice lady, and hotel with pillows,” I reminded her, and her laughing calmed down, but she seemed to have a smile on her face that wouldn’t go away anytime soon.

“I just think it’s funny that he would want a relationship with someone like you. Let’s face it. You’re my best friend, so that automatically means I think you’re fucking awesome, and pretty, and shit. Novak is one of Bam’s friends. So already we know that there’s something mentally wrong with him.

“I…kind of like him,” I said quietly, and she just stared at me.

“So if you like him, why not just say yes?” She asked softly.

“Because I don’t-“

“I know, I know, but just give him a chance,” she said, all jokes on Novak done.

“I told you about all of my past relationships. I’m not….I always fuck up,” I told her. I hadn’t been in a relationship with anybody since I had met her, or since I had been sober.

“You were an alcoholic, and a druggie then. You weren’t in your right mind. You’re a new person, Austin. You don’t lie to people, you’re always trying to be nice to people. Bam doesn’t count. He’s a fucking Neanderthal,” she said, trying to sway what I already knew about myself.

“I already know I’ll fuck up, Kori. Why break the boy’s heart a second time,” I asked, laying back on my bed. This was one of the other reasons I didn’t do relationships. Because of all of the stress that followed with it.

“A second time,” she asked, dumbfounded.

“I had to let him down. I didn’t do it softly, either. It was one of those times where I walked away, and he just stood there. I felt so horrible,” I told her.

“Yeah, you felt horrible because you now have a conscious, and you care about people. New person, I’m tellin’ ya,” she said, and I nodded.

“I’ll think about it,” I told her, and she ruffled my hair.

“Thatta girl,” she said, “I’m going to go fuck with Bam, now,” she said, getting up.

“Don’t catch his rabies,” I warned as she walked out. I was left in silence until I heard Kori start yelling.

“GUYS. NOVAK AND AUSTIN KISSED. NOVAK, I HEARD YOU TRIED TO PULL OUT YOUR BANANA BONE,” My hand flew to my face as I grabbed my phone, finding Bam’s number. He answered in hysterics.

“Oh fucking god, tell me it’s true,” he begged.

“Make her shut up. Please.” I begged, and hung up. Knoxville was coming through my door the next second, doing his stupid fucking giggle, his face red from laughing.

“I knew he was like in love with you,” he said, clutching onto the side of the dresser, trying to keep himself up, “Kori’s going on about how he tried to get into your pants multiple times,” he said.

“That part’s not true,” I cleared up, even though I was smiling, “Kori just tends to enjoy starting shit storms. Poor Novak is the victim this time,” I said, and he shook his head as he lay down next to me.

“So are there magical and secretive pictures on the ceiling that I can’t see?” he asked, noticing I had been staring at the ceiling the whole time.

“Well if I look at you, Clapp, I’m going to throw up,” I grinned as he scoffed.

“You know, I like you. You’re like….my long lost sister. You and I, we could be good friends,” he said, his giggle escaping.

“I’m sorry, I could not live with that laugh,” I teased, and my phone started going off again. I ignored it. I don’t know why, but I didn’t care to answer it.

“You’re just such the funny one, aren’t you?” He said, and I swatted at his shoulder.

“Totally funny,” I justified.

“My asshole has better jokes than you do,” he teased further, and my phone started ringing again.

“Fuck,” I said before I grabbed my phone, looking at the caller ID. It was a number I didn’t recognized, but definitely a Maine area code. I answered it, and right as the person started talking, I knew what the call was about. I didn’t have words, even as the woman kept asking as if I was there. I could only manage a ‘mhmm’, tears welling up in my eyes. I sat up, listening further, not being able to breathe. When the line went dead, I couldn’t remove my phone from my ear.

“Austin, what’s wrong,” Knoxville seemed to know something was wrong. I just shook my head, not being able to find the words. I didn’t want to say the words.

“My dad…”I got out as the tears started falling, “My dad’s dead.” I could already feel it. I was broken.

©Shannon.