Take One Last Breath

..::Bam’s POV::..

I can’t believe I fell asleep in Kori’s bed. If somebody had walked in while I was in there, and maybe someone even did, I’d be fucked. Missy would leave me. Perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing though….

“Dude, why are you on the couch?” I heard Novak come in, and I jumped slightly. I need an excuse, quick.

“Um…I kept farting, so Missy kicked me out of bed,” I lied to him, and he nodded before sitting next to me.

“So have you guys gotten a hold of Austin yet? I’ve been calling and calling and calling, and I just can’t seem to get a hold of her,” he told me, and I shook my head slightly. I had momentarily forgotten that Austin was gone. What I had going on with Kori has kind of shaken me up, lately.

“I haven’t,” I told him, and he frowned at this. I rubbed his back with comfort, “I’m sorry man. She’ll be back, I just know it,” I told him, hoping he’d believe it. A lot of her stuff was still here, so she just had to be back eventually, right? With what Kori had told us, though, I wasn’t completely sure.

“Man, I hope you’re right,” he said.

“I hope I’m right, too,” I said, but more to myself.

“I’m always hoping you’re wrong about whatever you’re hoping you’re right about,” Kori said as she came downstairs, “So what are you hoping you’re right about, so I can hope you’re wrong?”

“I was saying I was hoping I’m right about Austin coming back,” I dignified, and she shook her head.

“Yeah right, Novak, Ape, and I are the only ones who give a shit,” she said, plopping down on one of the loveseats, and turning on the TV.

“I care, too,” Missy came out behind her, and my heart stopped. Why did she always have to be around? She sat next to me, and started caressing my hand, “I really do, baby. I just think she still needs some space.”

“Just shut the fuck up,” Kori said before getting up and walking out. Before she left, she turned around, staring at Missy, “You’re just some dumb slut who thinks she’s always right. Well you’re not. You don’t know shit,” she spat, then turned around to leave. Missy’s mouth hung open in disbelief, and I almost started laughing. Then she turned to me. Uh oh.

“Why didn’t you stand up for me,” she hissed, and my head fell into my hands.

“Sorry Missy,” I said, ready to find that taser so I could shock myself to death or something.

“You need to talk to her next time you see her or I will,” she threatened, and I snorted.

“She’d fuck you up,” I laughed, instantly regretting it. I looked up at her, “I mean, she doesn’t take crap. She was probably raised in the ghetto or something, who knows? I just don’t want my baby getting hurt,” I told her. I wasn’t truthful though. I could care less if she got her ass handed to her, and it would be so much better if Kori did it.

“I guess. Just talk to her. I’m tired of the disrespect,” she said before she left.

“Thank god she’s gone,” I muttered, thinking that I was alone.

“Why’s that,” Novak said, and I looked up at him with wide eyes.

“Uh…Novak,” I found myself trying to make now a second excuse to him. One of my best friends I found myself lying to, but what was going on…nobody could know, “I was actually about to shit myself. I got to crap really badly. All that farting, wouldn’t want one to end up as me shitting my pants, would we?” I quickly got up, and walked out. First, I almost got caught by Missy, then I almost got caught by Novak. I had to get out of here, before I would fall apart today rather than later. I quickly got in my car, and left. I didn’t know where I would go, and that I probably smelled strongly of sex. I couldn’t go to a bar, since if today was a day I’d like to get away from everybody, their first guess would be a bar. No, I know where I’d go. I’d go to some stupid art class or something. Nobody would ever guess I’d go there.

..::Austin’s POV::..

I lay in bed next to Ville. It was afternoon now, and I was still kind of high. Not as much as I was earlier, but I still was. I had myself covered up, since my clothes were in various places on the floor. So yes, I relapsed, and I’ve never felt so good in my life. Now I know why I was so unhappy these last two years, because I’d been taken from the one true thing that kept me going. Not to mention, I can’t lie about not being happy to be hitched to Ville Valo, living in his house in Finland. I couldn’t understand the language, true, but I was learning…sort of. By learning, I mean when Ville screams out Finnish things when we’re in bed. We don’t love each other, no, but the sex is great, and I’m happy regardless. I don’t care about the relationship part, either, because we’ve came to an agreement that we can sleep with whoever we want. I wasn’t currently planning on going back. I had too many problems back in the states, and I don’t think anybody would miss me too much.

Then I knew Kori was probably freaking out, or doing something stupid because I just up and left. I would have to call her sooner or later. I would tell her as little as possible, and keep out details such as where I was and who I was with, and I’d especially keep out the fact that I was back to drug and alcohol use. I’d just need to call her and tell her I was okay, and not to expect me to come back. She was my best friend, so she’d understand. She’d want me to be happy, right?

Then I thought about my dad. I knew he loved me, so he’d want me to be happy, too. I know he’d be disappointed, but I wasn’t in my right mind to really give a damn. This was the life I was destined for, this was what always made me happy. I’m happy, so why do I feel so guilty?

“You okay?” Ville asked, interrupting me from my fight with myself.

“Yeah…just….thinking,” I told him truthfully, and he nodded.

“Second thoughts?” He suggested, and I slightly shook my head.

“Not at all. It just amazes me. I thought I’d be stuck in a halfway house for the rest of my life,” I answered.

“Well, I’ll take care of you, so you don’t have to worry about that,” he said, turning over and wrapping his arm around me.

“Thanks,” I smiled greatly at him, “Um, do you mind if I make a call to Kori? I need to assure her that I’m alright,” I asked, and he smiled this time.

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m sure your cousin would also like to know you’re okay,” he suggested. I was very vague about what my situation had been, and he didn’t pry, which I was thankful for. The sooner I forgot about everybody back in the states, the better. I told him about my father, and how hard his death was for me, and about my mother’s suicide from when she had a miscarriage with what would have been my younger brother. He was everything I had always wanted in a husband.

“Thanks,” I said before kissing him on the cheek and getting out of bed. I found my underwear on the ground, and smiled at Ville who had been watching me. After I had them on, I grabbed his shirt, since it was closer, and pulled it over my body. I knew Kori’s number from memorization, so I dialed in the United States area code before I dialed in her phone number. The ringing was super weird. I was happy when she picked up.

“Who is this? I’ll find you and kill you,” she threatened. Tears were instantly piling up.

“Kori,” I croaked, not being able to say much else.

“Oh god, Austin. Where are you? Are you okay? Are you crying? WHY ARE YOU CRYING?” Her words came out rushed, “Who hurt you, I’ll kill them.”

“Nobody hurt me, Kori. I called to tell you I’m fine,” I got out.

“Then why are you crying?” she asked further.

“Because I miss you, and what I’m about to tell you hurts me to say,” I admitted, and she was quiet.

“What,” she said.

“Well, I – I’m not coming back,” I said.

“Why not,” she asked, her voice was faint.

“Because I’m happy where I am. I don’t want to come back, I want to stay where I am,” I told her, the tears spilling out. I could only hope the sound of me crying wasn’t registering on the other end of the call.

“Well, where are you?” She asked, and I shook my head, then remembering that she couldn’t see me.

“I can’t say. I don’t want you to look for me, I don’t want to be found. You’d be…disappointed,” I admitted sheepishly.

“That’s not really telling me much, Austin,” she sounded angry now.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” I said.

“Well if you don’t want to come back, don’t,” her words were harsh, yes, but when she hung up, I nearly broke into a thousand pieces.

..::Bam’s POV::..

“That’s not really telling me much, Austin,” I could hear Kori say in her room. She got a hold of Austin? I wanted to talk to her, and give her a little piece of my mind. The door was open, but I stood behind the wall, listening in, “Well if you don’t want to come back, don’t,” she said harshly, then I heard something hit the wall. I walked in, looking at her hunched over with her head in her hands.

“Where is she,” I asked, and she looked up at me. She wasn’t crying, but she did look pissed.

“She wouldn’t say,” by her voice, I could tell she was obviously pissed.

“Alright, what was the area code,” I pried. I could only hope she remembered.

“Zero nine in front of a ten digit number. That’s why I threatened whoever was on the other end. Thought they were terrorists trying to kill me,” she told me, and a light bulb appeared over my head. Well, at least in my mind it did.

“Zero nine? Are you sure?” I asked, and she nodded, “That’s Helsinki, Finland. I know because I have some friends there,” I told her, and she looked up at me with a questioning look.

“Like who?” She asked, and I laughed. I thought everybody knew from my show.

“I’m good friends with the members from HIM, for one,” I said, and she shook her head before it retreated back to her hands.

“She doesn’t want to come back,” she informed me, and I shrugged.

“So? We’ll find her, and we’ll force her back. We’ll go in a week or two. You can go so you can punch her first. Novak doesn’t get to punch her, because he’s weak.

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Everything will be okay,” I told her. I kissed her forehead before I walked out, then stopped in my tracks. Did I just kiss her on the forehead? No, because people only kiss the foreheads of the ones they care about. I did not care about Kori. I couldn’t. I had a bitchy wife to care about, as much as I didn’t want to. I could use this trip to Finland as an excuse to get away from her, though, and we could take all the time in the world to search for Austin.

©Shannon