I'm On a Trip

Chapter 21

John's P.O.V

She just ran from my sight. I sighed feeling defeated. That was a fucking stupid idea, why did I think that making her play the song that brought her memories would clear her head? I could tell that she wasn't feeling great, I could see it in her eyes, she was being swallowed up by her thoughts. Earlier I caught a glimpse of her eyes glazing over but she fought them back, as much as she wanted to release them. I wasn't thinking straight now, I was too concerned. I've never been this concerned about anyone except my family, and the band, this feeling is weird and making me feel dizzy, maybe I was just being too protective of her?

These were thoughts that we rationally running around my mind and I couldn't stop them. I went into panic mode, she was gone and there was nothing I could do to stop her because I was too shocked to stop her.

A few moments later, I rose from my bed, put my other guitar next to the one she was just using, grabbed my shoes and a jacket then grabbed my keys off of the kitchen table and sprinted out of the door so I could lock it behind myself. I stood there and stared out at the road in front of me, thinking of where she would go. Then it clicked in my head.

So I ran as fast I could, just like she did, heading to the only place I can think she would go to. Our place. After 5 minutes of straight sprinting and not stopping my lanky legs began to get tired and I became so short of breath but I couldn't stop the adrenaline spurred me on to find her and hold her tight. Moments later I reached the park and there was a dark figure sitting at the top of the hill, holding their knees tightly to their chest, head rested on their news, shaking. There was no doubt in my mind who it was, so I ran straight over to her without a hesitation.

I sat beside her wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into my chest, allowing her to wrap her strong arms around me and let her tears out. It took a while but eventually she stopped.

"You did you come John?" She crocked out.

"Because this is our place and if you ever need to talk then I'll be here waiting for you, why did you come here?" I replied, trying to make a conversation with her to settle her down.

"I came here to clear my head," she replied, taking the opportunity to look me in the eye.

"Come on then, why did you run? I thought it would help you clear your head playing the song," I replied.

"Well...I guess I don't like how you know what I am thinking, I don't want to leave Arizona, ever. I don't like how I have to leave and leave good friends behind and possibly never see them again. I don't like the fact that I have no caring family to go home to, I'm jealous at how you have such amazing parents. I don't like how I can't not care, how stuff always bothers me. I don't like the fact that I'm surrounded with my thoughts in my head all the time because I'm too afraid to speak my mind. I don't like how you all care about me and that I won't be here forever so you have no reason to like me or even be my friends. I hate myself, I find it so hard to be happy, because even when you guys make me happy, I just think about you not being there forever, which over rides my short burst of happiness. I can't be happy, I guess I am just not destined to be happy," She exploded.

"Stop over thinking everything, don't think about your life back in England for now. Live everyday here and make the best of the time we all have together because if you do go home the memories will stay with you forever, so make them good and happy. You will be happy, everyone has rough patches, but you have happened to have them all at once. As for me caring, I will care for you as much as I want to, don't you worry about breaking my heart when you go because I am only the one to blame for getting so attached to you. I really like you, you are amazing but you need to start believing it," I simply stated back. I can't believe I said that last sentence but I did and it sort of made my heart jump but I will ignore it because she needs to find herself first.

"I guess you're right," she shrugged, her eyes brightening up a little.

"I know I'm right," I smirked at her which cheered her up a bit more.

"See this is exactly what I mean, you shouldn't be here to cheer me up, you should be doing what band members do," she sighed.

"I'm doing what I want to do, I can be a typical band member when I want but I am content at the moment," I replied truthfully.

"Over Christmas, it really made me think about how great people can be and it showed me what a proper family were like at Christmas. Everyone had a smile on their faces, they were genuinely enjoying themselves, it was such a great atmosphere. I'll have to thank your family for that again," she smiled at the memory.

"That's what it should always be like," I smiled.

"It's a shame my family don't have fun, they don't care about much..." she trailed off.

"No I mean, you belong out here, you are always welcome here, whenever. No matter what the circumstances are I along with the guys and my family have open arms, you are always welcome here. And I think you've thanked my family enough," I chuckled back at her, hooking my arm over her shoulder again and pulling her in towards me. She let out a soft giggle, it was so adorable. She was so special and unique yet broken and I was happy to think she was getting better.

She slightly shivered beside me so I took my jacket off and allowed her to slip it on, it was massively over sized but at least she would be warm. She replied a simple but effective "Thank you."

After a few silent moments she spoke again, "I really can't thank you enough for everything, I just find it difficult parting with people, well you saw me with Sophie and well I will be reunited with her back in London but I'll be leaving you and that makes me feel worse in a sense. I really do like you but sometimes I wish you hadn't been so nice to me and taken me under your wing," she sighed.

"You're thinking about London again..." I chuckled at her, "I am glad I met you, I am glad that I can call you one of my best friends, I am glad that I can say I care about you, I am proud of that. Don't you see I am only seeing positive things about you, so what you'll be leaving, but I won't let that bother me, not yet. I'll tackle that obstacle when it comes to it, for now I am content and you should be too. Don't ever say that this friendship, was a waste of time or just hurt us because I can still talk to you and meet you when I am in London or if you come back here. No matter what, you'll always be welcome here," I truthfully told her, which brought a slight blush to her face. I loved the way she would react to the things I say to her she's adorable.