I'm On a Trip

Chapter 30

John's P.O.V

The last three days have been a haze. I mean all that I have done, which isn't a lot, has mashed into one. I barely remember what I have even been doing other than thinking. When she walked away from me on our hill the other day all I could think about was whether I made the right decision. I mean the way I see it is, it's just a faze, she was a fan of the band before maybe she's just being a fangirl, then I'll be the one left hurt. I know she isn't like that though, so I can't use that as an excuse.

Her simplicity is beautiful. Natural curly brown hair that flowed down her back softly. Her brown eyes that could spark any type of emotion however yesterday they only held hurt. Hurt, that I had caused. It was so selfish of me to treat her the way I did but I had to think about myself for once.

I wasn't prepared to risk my own heart again for it to be broken. Charlotte helped me forget about the ache and pain of the cheating girl who was previously in my life. For that I was eternally grateful but I was in no frame of mind to put out my heart again.

I'd spent the last three days, drinking heavily at the bar because my house held too many memories of her when I was sober, despite her stuff being cleared. I need a substantial amount of alcohol in my system to be able to sleep at night, survive alone because other than that I just felt empty. When I came home from the bar the day of the reveal and argument I was too wasted to even realise she wasn't there. It wasn't until I awoke the next morning with a raging headache and no-one to take care of me. I frantically looked around the house for her until I understood that all her belongs had vanished. That's when it all hit home, everything that had happened wasn't some dream, I had really treated her like that, I had really just ruined my future and gone against everything that I have ever said.

The following two days I didn't talk to anyone. I drank, played the guitar and thought about my actions. I went out to the shops and bought a tonne of alcohol so I could drown my sorrows even more in the comfort of my home. Later both nights I passed out in the bed she had slept in, making the hurt 10 times worse when the morning hit. I cried myself to sleep some nights, yes me. I cried, whether it was because the alcohol made me emotional or because my true feelings had escaped from my cold front.

I am empty. There is nothing of me left, she may not know it but she has extracted every positive emotion left in me. I am lonely, bitter, distraught, stupid, insane, sick and a mess. I was never brought up to be like this. I was supposed to be happy, surely.

I'm making one of the biggest mistakes in my life. I need to do something about this. I can't let something so precious walk out of my life. "Fuck," I muttered to my drunk self over and over again as realisation hit me. I needed help. I needed it from one of the most important person in my life. Char.

I lied. Everything she said about the electricity jolt she got when she touched and looked at me, I felt it too. When she got nervous around me, I did too. She changed me into a better man, I wish I could say I changed her into a better woman but I only broke her, smashing her into a million pieces. Possibly more. She was perfect to me but now all I can see is the pain-stricken eyes and emotionless face in my head.

I fumbled around for my phone, getting the sense that she is still in the country somewhere and that I can only think of one place. I dialed the number...

Joel's P.O.V

I was woken up by my phone ringing at 3am. Shit. Who wants me at this hour, seriously. I reached over and grabbed my mobile off of the bed side table and glanced at the caller I.D. John. Just who I wanted to speak to right now, my blood was boiling.

"What do you want?" I asked sharply as soon as I pressed the green button.

"I need her, I'm so stupid, is she there, can I speak to her, can I see her, I can't cope without her, I ache too much, she's all I need, I'm helpess, I love her," he blurted drunkenly down the phone at me, which sent me of the rails.

"You don't deserve her at the moment, you need to have the guts to call back at a suitable hour, when you are sober. You are incredibly stupid to think you could treat supposedly one of your best friends the way you did. You broke her and I will never get the image of her turning up at my door a broken mess ever. You inflicted that pain, you deserve go through her pain too," I felt sorry for him to a certain extent but the only image that flashed through my mind was a crying Char at my door step.

"So she's still here!?!" John gasped down the phone seeming slightly happy for a moment.

"Not for long," I sternly answered back.

"What do you mean? She can't go back to the UK. I need her, she doesn't want to go back there, Arizona is her home!" and he quickly became his aggressive drunk-self again.

"She can make her own choices,"

"Oh I know what this is all about! You want her all to yourself, you want to hold her hostage away from me, just so that you can have her all to yourself because you love her. That's why you've been saying how amazing she is, huh, is that it?! Well I've got news for you, I will knock you out if you try to keep me from her cause I will find her! Selfish son of a bitch!" John shouted viciously down the phone.

"Calm down, get sober and clear your head. You know none of that it true you are just riding your anger but it isn't going to work. Being like this isn't going to help. Char can talk to you if she wants and chooses to until then, you'll just have to hang on..." he cut off, probably passing out straight after, not that it bothered me. I could go back to sleep now.