I'm On a Trip

Charlotte's P.O.V

Right here it goes. I'm about to let John into a bit of me, that no-one knows. I haven't even told Sophie the reason behind my tattoo but she knows pretty much everything else about me, well not all of it but yeah.

"I don't like people knowing a lot about me so be priviledged," I smiled at him, "not even Sophie knows about the meaning behind my tattoo so um... yeah" I continued.

"Take your time," he reassured me. It was like he knew I was getting a little upset already.

"Well, as you can see it says 'We'll find it, eachother, or more' well I chose those wise words because I had something special before it was snatched away from me. I believed I found it, yeah I was only 17 but I honestly believed in it. But it got snatched away and I couldn't cope, I went off the rails. I was a hopeless wreck and I still am. I don't show anyone, because I don't want to be pitied but I get the feeling you can see through that." I could feel myself going faint thinking about it again. I took a deep breath not wanting to say anymore, I began repeatedly shaking my head, to clear out the emotions that I'd been holding back too long. I got a rush of cold come over me causing me to shiver. John instantly sensed my discomfort and pulled me straight into a hug, allowing me to let out the tears that were never released.

After 10 minutes my breathing slowly regained a normal rate when John asked almost silently, "What did you find?"

It took me a few moments to get the word out of my mouth and when it finally came out, I stuttered, muttered and cried out in pain, "love!" Allowing another group of tears fall from my eyes.

"I can't began to describe the pain I feel everyday, I can relate to a lot of your music and it helps me get through particuarly rough times. I know he'd want me to move on but I can't he was my first love." I paused as I a feeling of nausea rushed over me, quickly bypassing so that I could carry on with what I was about to say next.

"There was a troublesome group of teenagers, accusing- accusing Da- accusing Daniel of something he didn't do, he wouldn't, he didn't have a bad bone in his body. They said they'd get him outside of sixth form, but we didn't believe that they would. Later that day, Monday 17th May 2010 we were walking out of sixth form, and walked around 2 miles, halfway back to my house, at 5:30pm. They came out of no where, and dragged us down this dark alley way..." my voice broke making me stutter for a few moments. I looked John in the eye, a sense of pain, worry and understanding in his eyes as he held onto my knee.

I closed my eyes before continuing, remembering the day so clearly, "They grabbed me and held onto my painfully tight, Daniel hated that they took me away from him so he fought back. The tall figure punched him with so much anger, he fell to the ground, meanwhile I was screeching, kicking, biting, for any help but they were too strong." I took a moment to swallow before continuing on. "He soon regained concious, he stood up and punched the tall guy in the face serveral times but he managed to stay standing. That's when I saw the real madness in his eyes, he pulled out a shiny object swiftly at first I didn't comprehend what it was but then I realised the sharp shiny item was a knife. He- he quickly turned around to stab me in the gut but I was spared as Daniel jumed in front me and took the pain for me." I sobbed even more, not even bothering to hold back the tears I had been fighting for so long now.

"They ran off leaving us there, Daniel in my arms on the floor dying. I screamed for help and finally some came round to call the ambulance, as I was in no fit state to do it. I watched the life being sucked out of him, he didn't deserve it, I did." I cried, thinking about how different it could have been.

"Shh, neither of you deserved that, the gang does!" he tensed pulling me into yet another hug.

"But I will always remember the last words he said to me," I paused before resiting the words, "You'll find someone else. We had it but we lost it. Don't ruin your life over me, go find it, with someone else, not me. I love you so much but it can't be, don't you ever forget these words cause I want to see you happy." I finished saying it and smiled at how good he could be with words.

"He sounded like a great guy," John replied.

"So I used his wise words to get 'We'll find it, eachother, or more' I don't like thinking about it because it clearly makes me sad. I guess that's why I get upset over 'Into Your Arms' because I want to go back in time to be back in his arms or forward in time to be in someone else's arms. But at this rate I won't find anyone else will I?" I responded and John nodded.

"I know you'll find someone else, you just have to give it time, it's only been two years," he smiled, offering some tissues to me.

I accepted a tissue before replying. "Two years of loneliness, except Sophie," I smiled back at him to say thank you for the tissue. "You had better get back out to your guests," I said remembering his party was still going on.

"I'll stay here until you're feeling alright. I don't want to leave you alone, If I give you my number, you can text or ring me whenever you want to talk or meet up," he sighed pulling out his phone to hand over with his number on. I pulled out my phone and added his number into my contacts.

A couple of minutes later, when my face had resumed to its normal colour and I had recovered I decided I was ready to have a little fun and forget about it. "Thanks, I'm ready now, I fancy a swim in that pool or yours," I smiled at John.

"Well let's go then, over cover will be that you didn't feel very well okay? Our little secret," he smiled pulling one finger to cover his lips. I copied his action before following him out of the room to the rest of the party in the back yard.

Now I had to carry on like I was before, as though I was perfectly fine. I was very familiar with covering up my emotions so this wasn't going to be too hard. A huge weight was now lifted off of my shoulders, but there was still a lot else no-one knew...however John had an advantage, he was one step ahead everyone else. That was easy for him to find out but I can't risk someone knowing everything about me, not yet anyway.