Give Me All Your Hopeless Heart

There were two minutes until show time. I looked around at the guys, all of us moving around, jumping up and down, doing all of our pre show warm ups. We were playing Chicago, and the show was bound to be great.
I could hear the crowd chanting for us, knowing there were only seconds between us and them. I loved hearing all of them because I knew how they felt. I knew that for most of them, this is their get away. This is the one place in the world that they get to come to and forget everything, and that is why we do this.
Frank comes up beside me, “Show time,” he said, smiling a crooked smile, winking and running out onto the stage. I can hear the roar of the crowd as I join my band mates in front of the fans. We open with na na na, and the fans go wild. As I look out, I see kids with homemade masks and ray guns, bright colored hair, and kill joy outfits. I also see kids wearing their black parade uniforms. That’s what I love about our fans, they find a comfortable place and they stick to it.
About half way through the show, I wasn’t paying attention to what the fans were wearing. It was hard for me to pay any attention to anything except for him. The energy he releases on stage, the way he runs back and forth, jerking his head with the music. He is so incredibly talented. Frank always has been.
Toward the end of “I’m Not Okay”, I could barely contain myself, the crowd was amazing, we sounded great, and Frank was catching my eye far more than usual.
“Trust me” I heard Frank say into the microphone and I went over and kissed him, as hard as I could, harder than I really ever had. And I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to keep my mouth in sync with his forever, but I had to finish the set.
I pulled away and he gave me a puzzled look before running to the other side of the stage with Mikey. The kiss was all I could think about for the rest of the show.
Before I knew it, we were finished with our last song.
“Thank you for coming out, Chicago, we love you!” I yelled into the microphone as the guys through picks and set lists out into the audience.
Walking back stage, all the guys were talking about things they had seen in the crowd, things that they had done, times they had almost fallen, just like the end of every other show.
“That kiss looked passionate tonight,” Ray said, shoving my shoulder.
“Fuck off,” I said; smiling and shoving back, but I could feel the heat in my face. Frank turned around and smiled, then he changed the subject and they all started talking excitedly again.

When we got back to the bus, we were all more exhausted than we had initially thought. Mikey laid across the couch on his phone, Ray sat at the table on his laptop with his head phones in, and I watched Frank play x box.
I never realized how much I loved watching him play. He gets so into the game, laughing and jumping up at intense parts. It’s so adorable…
I shook the thought from my head and stood up.
“I’m going to call it a night, guys.” I said, heading towards my bunk.
They all made fun of me since it was still early, but they said goodnight, and I laid down.
Laying in my bunk, I didn’t go to sleep right away. I couldn’t stop thinking about Frank. We had been friends all these years and I was just now discovering these feelings? Did they even mean anything?
I kept thinking of the kiss, I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to be able to do so whenever I pleased. For the first time ever, I wanted Frank and I to be more than best friends. But how could that ever happen?
I knew I couldn’t tell him my feelings, it would tear our friendship apart, and I couldn’t lose that. I could hear him laughing across the bus. I loved that sound.
I drifted to sleep thinking of Frank. I knew that I shouldn’t let my imagination run with the idea because it would only set me up for disappointment, but I couldn’t help it.
The next morning, I woke up to Frank sitting on the couch, still in his pajama pants with messy hair.
He looked up at me and smiled. “Mikey and Ray left like fifteen minutes ago to go out to breakfast. I didn’t feel like doing that so I thought I’d wait for you to get up.”
“Okay,” I said, “Want to go get some gas station donuts?” I asked.
He said yes and we walked there in our pajamas. That’s how it always was, Frank and I didn’t care who saw us.
The walk was normal. We talked about the show, everything but the kiss, and we had our donuts. When we got back, we both took showers and got ready for the day. I went to writing and he went to playing x box. I couldn’t help but to imagine what our lives could be like together. This could be every day. And I would be just fine with that…