Come Alive

Alex hadn’t been this peacefully happy in a long time. A really, really long time. It was New Year’s Day, he was sprawled out across Jack’s sleeping body while watching the second half of Batman Begins. He was just so at ease, no worries, no pressure, no expectations or eyes watching his every move. There was no one judging him or freaking out over his existence. He was just Alex, a guy watching a movie curled up to another guy in a regular apartment on a regular TV with a regular sound system. Truly, simply, happy.

In his sleep, Jack’s arm curled around Alex’s back. He smiled, Alex hadn’t felt this comfortable in years. He’s only known Jack for a few days and somehow this kid’s making him feel more at home and accepted than anyone or anything else has been able to since before he moved to LA. Alex yawned and cuddled his face closer into Jack’s shirt, he couldn’t really believe the circumstances that had led him to where he was right now. How any of this had worked out was beyond him.

Alex didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until the vibrating in his pocket dragged him back to life. He groaned and considered ignoring it, but something made him pull the phone out and answer it.

“Hello?” he said quietly as he tried his best to gracefully get off of Jack.

The voice on the other end sounded angry and as Alex searched for a blanket to cover Jack with, he listened to his management team take turns yelling at him for fucking up their business. “Alex, you need to get back to the public. Half of America thought you died and the other half thinks you’re gay.” “Alex, they still need to know about your announcement.” “Alex, your tour starts in a few weeks you need to remind people to come out.” “Alex, the announcement! That movie starts filming in Fiji as soon as your tour ends, you need to announce your part in it now.” “Yeah, now!”

Too many voices. Was he on a conference call?

Having successfully covered Jack with a quilt he’d found beside the couch, Alex was now sitting on the kitchen counter listening to the six or seven nameless people responsible for every move he made toward the public. PR shit was never his favorite. He never really understood all the bullshit it took to be famous and liked by people. All he ever wanted was to be a rockstar. Childhood dream.

He made it. He may have burned a few too many bridges to get there. He may have allowed himself to be used for a few too many things he didn’t agree with. He may have lost touch with the kid who’s dream he was chasing. But at least he’d made it. He was at the top.

Granted, now that he’d made it, the view wasn’t as beautiful as he’d expected it to be. And he was reminded of this small fact every day when his team would call him to remind him he was once again not living up to expectations and losing them thousands of dollars.

“Alex? Alex are you even listening to us? Your movie role, it wasn’t easy for us to get you that.” “Yeah, Alex, you need to make that announcement. Now, we can schedule for--“

“Guys, for ten seconds will you just shut up?” Alex sighed, “I don’t even know if I want the part anymore.”

He could taste the frustration through the phone.

“What the hell would make you say that?”

He didn’t want to have to explain to them that being around Jack had made him miss the love and comfort and friends he’d had back home. He didn’t want to tell them he didn’t want to be famous anymore. He didn’t want to tell them he wanted to go back to sleeping on Jack’s chest and watching Batman. Alex didn’t want to explain to these strangers he’d known for nearly five years that he hated the life he’d created for himself.

“Alex?” The voice came from the other side of the room. Alex smiled as Jack walked in, the blanket Alex had put on him still draped around his shoulders. “You alright?” Jack rubbed his eyes, still dreary from the sleep.

Alex hun his phone up without another word to his management and nodded his head toward Jack. He didn’t really know what to say. Having a revelation on his life and his choices was leaving Alex a little speechless.

Jack opened his arms, waiting for Alex to accept the hug. It took a few seconds, but Alex fell into the warmth and let Jack hold him in the middle of the kitchen wrapped in an old quilt for a little while. Neither of them said anything, in fact, Alex thought maybe Jack had fallen back asleep on his shoulder, but the slow rocking Jack started to do told Alex otherwise.

Alex pulled away a little so he could look at Jack's face. There was an imprint on his cheek from where he'd fallen asleep weird and his hair was flat against his forehead. There was the smallest amount of dried drool on his chin and his eyes looked like they were trying really hard to keep themselves focused on Alex. Jack was adorable.

The corners of Jack's mouth turned up a little as he watched Alex look at his face, "what're you doing?" he smiled, keeping their eye contact.

Alex laughed and pressed his lips against Jack's. This was something he could get used to. Jack giggled. Not a full-blown teenage girl after a picture giggle, but enough to make Alex's heart swell even more. How had those ridiculous circumstances lead him here, to this man who had already began to shift his life and on top of it was extremely adorable and actually giggled in real life?

"What's so funny?" Alex's voice was softer than he meant it to be, but it fit the atmosphere.

"Nothing's funny, I mean, just, that was our first kiss."

Alex's smile faltered and he ran his hand through the back of Jack's hair, "What? No... dude that was like our fifth. Tenth. Seventeenth. Something a long those lines."

Jack pulled himself away from Alex, "Are you kidding me?" The look of...disappointment(?) in Jack's eyes made Alex want to reach out and hold him again but he was too far out of reach. "My fucking head and this fucking bullshit. I fucking suck my head fucking sucks everything fucking sucks. I just messed up a really nice moment because my bullshit brain sucks. I can't remember anything, nobody knows what's wrong with me, my life's going to shit anyway and now I'm fucking up again. Wow what a shocker there God forbid I'm happy for once."

Alex didn't know how to react to anything. Jack was clearly (and understandably) upset but Alex had never been exceedingly good at cheering people up. He felt completely helpless as he watched Jack sulk back to the TV area. The blanket had fallen off when Jack had pushed away from him so Alex picked it up and decided to bring it back to Jack. Something at least to put them back to how they'd been a few minutes earlier.

"Ya know," Alex started as he sat down beside Jack, handing him the quilt, "you're kind of amazing."