Come Alive

“You’re kind of amazing.”

The words stuck in Jack’s head as he closed the door behind Alex later that night. Though Alex had done a fantastic job at keeping him distracted from himself while he was here, it was getting late and he needed to get home. Which meant Jack was now alone in his beat up apartment.

Jack sighed as he sat down on the armchair he kept near the window in his living room area. What was happening to his life? His head was complete shit, he was spending all day cuddled up to some arrogant singer, he could barely remember this morning but he could remember parts of yesterday and none of an hour ago...

He groaned, how many times had he felt so useless in his life? It wasn’t the first time, that was for sure. Jack’s head started to wander towards the feelings he’d had after graduation all those years ago, when his mom died. He thought about where he ended up and how lucky he was to have Marc and the music store there.

The music store. Jack smiled, the music store. His job. His kids. His music. His passion. He reminded himself there was no use in getting upset over the uncontrollable. So, his brain was a little messed up right now... as soon as the doctors know what’s going on, they’ll be able to fix it and his head can go back to normal. As of now, he was lucky enough to not only have Marc and the music store in his life, but he somehow managed to find Alex, too.

Jack got up and wandered to his kitchen to find some food. His thoughts and emotions were all over the place; he vaguely reminded himself of his ex girlfriend as he searched his cabinets for some ramen. He was going to drown himself in the high sodium and then watch an excessive amount of old gameshows on TV before he’d go to sleep in his own bed for the first time in what felt like months. Then he’d wake up early tomorrow to get down to the music store before it opened. He always loved opening the store up. Setting all the sound booths up and polishing the guitars, arranging the drums and collecting lost picks--all of it made him so happy.

That’s when he saw it.

He was kneeling on his countertop trying to find a box of ramen somewhere in the back confines of his old cabinets when the piece of paper caught his eye. Under his left knee, a small, unopened white envelope looked out of place.

“Last Paycheck”

Written clear as day in swirly handwriting Jack recognized as his boss’s. The world felt like it was crashing down as the moment wound itself back to the forefront of Jack’s memory: “Jack, we love you, you know we love you, but it’s just…we don’t need your services anymore at this time.”

So he didn’t have the music store. He didn’t have his kids or his job or his music. He couldn’t go in tomorrow and reorganize the flyers asking for band members on the bulletin board. He couldn’t find out if Jason, the thirteen year old home-schooled boy he’d been working with ever perfected the rest of ‘Adam’s Song.’

Jack slid off the counter and sat down on the floor. He was unemployed. The last stab he needed to remind himself that he wasn’t even 24 years old yet and he was a failure. He had the support of one, maybe two people, in the entire and otherwise he was alone. The one place he’d ever felt accepted and valued didn’t want him anymore.

Time passed, Jack wasn’t quite sure how long but the dark cloud inside his head was clearing itself up. Were mood swings a side-effect of having a fucked up head? The lights were off, keeping the apartment dark Jack went into his room to grab the acoustic guitar he’d had since his fourteenth birthday. He was kidding himself if he really believed not having his job meant he didn’t have his music anymore. It’s pretty much impossible to pull anyone’s passion from them if it’s really what drives them.

Without really thinking, his fingers started playing the opening few chords to Adam’s Song. Disgruntled at the thought of Jason, Jack changed songs. He shocked himself by playing the Taylor Swfit song he’d been working on with a little girl named Claire. The cycle continued until he got so wrapped up in remembering his students that he all but threw his guitar across the room.

Jack curled himself up in his bed and turned the TV on for a distraction. It was pushing on 2 in the morning, all he needed was to make it a few more hours alone before he could call Alex.

Speaking of Alex--Jack almost choked as the light haired singer’s face was flashed across the screen. “...Alex Gaskarth, what’s up with him anyway?” The voice of some broken has-been spoke as various pictures of Alex doing everyday activities piled up in a slideshow on Jack’s TV. “A few weeks ago, he announced an announcement and when the day we’d all been waiting for,” A picture of Alex getting out of an SUV in front of MTV studios came up, “The guy almost gets himself killed.” Pictures of a crime scene kept Jack’s eyes glued to the screen. “Well, except for his valiant hero,” A picture of Jack from just before the bullet hit him came up and Jack was all but attaching himself to the TV, “Who we all of course recognize now as Alex’s lovely boyfriend...” The voice was saturated in some weak tone of sarcasm but Jack didn’t notice, he was too caught up in the shitty quality cell phone video being displayed on air. Someone had recorded the New Years countdown.

Jack remembered that night in full detail now. Alex finding him. Alex holding him. Alex kissing him. Alex leaving him.

The man continued to talk to his audience about Alex. Speculations of what he was doing and where he was drowned out all chances of this being considered a quality late night television show. It didn’t matter to Jack now, though. He wasn’t listening to anything that was being said, he was too wrapped up in trying to find his phone.

/hey i remember that kiss now/ So it was 2:30 in the morning, Jack could text Alex if he wanted to.
/...why’d you leave though?/ So it was 2:30 in the morning, Jack could text Alex twice if he wanted to.

Jack tossed his phone back down beside him on the bed, allowing himself to focus back on the show. That’s when it hit him.

Did that narrator just call Jack Alex’s boyfriend?