Crashed

As I laid down in Matt's bed since my room was trashed with glass and bullet casings and bullet holes riddled the room. There would be a lot of cleaning to get to tomorrow and getting my room back in order. Matt graciously set up an air matress on the floor so I could haev his bed and I was thankful for that but as he laid there asleep, I was wide awake. I know I should be sleeping but I just can't. There's too many things running through my head about Jacoby and feelings of my parents. I really miss them and I don't ever think I'll be able to deal with it. I don't show any hurt except for at night because i don't want anyone thinking I'm weak here. Everyone is tough and I have t be the same way if I'm going to be able to go on living here. I looked over at the clock on the nightstand and seen it was almost 3 in the morning. I sighed to myself quietly and got up from the bed. I walked over to the door and looked at Shadows but he was still sleeping so soundly. I wish I could sleep like that. I hung my head as I exited the room closing the door quietly behind me. I made my way down the dark hallway as quietly as I could before going down the steps where I heard the TV playing softly. I stood in the doorway where Vengeance was watching TV and he never even noticed me there. I walked on by him and went out the front door and leaving it cracked. I seen the guards heavily arms as they paced back and forth over their stationed areas. I walked to the steps and sat down on the first one enjoying the quiet and somewhat chilly night. I could smell the salt from the ocean in the air.

I remembered when both mom and dad would take me to the beach when I was younger. We would have such a great time enjoying the sun and making sand castles. I would always grab my father's hand and pull him into the cold ocean water. Sometimes I would get the salty water in my mouth but it was always enjoyable. I wish those time could have lasted a little while longer than they did but I can't change anything about what happened but I would have willingly given my life for theirs to be spared. Fucking Jacoby...he took the only people I had left. My jaw clenched when remembering what Shads had told me about both my mom and dad. I hung my head and couldn't help but let the tears escape my eyes. I choked on my tears as they silently fell from my eyes. Why did he have to kill them?! I heard the sound of a gun cocking and I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and glanced over at Vengeance as he opened the front door fully and pointed his gun at me. He lowered it as soon as he found out it was me.

"Why are you out here?"

"Does it fucking matter?" I retorted right back with as much anger as he had in his. I turned my head back and glanced out over the large front yard.

"I just asked a simple fucking quiestion. You don't have to bite my goddamn head off." I sighed and hung my head.

"I just want to be alone for a while Vengeance." I said running on hand through my black hair as I looked back over his shoulder. My voice giving the impression that I was upset. I cursed myself inside for letting something like that slip out.

"Is there something wrong?"

"It's nothing. So..please just leave me alone." I said not looking back at him. I seen him out of the corner of my eyes sit down beside me on the steps. I felt his fingers touch my chin and pull me to look at him.

"Why are your eyes red?"

"It's nothing." I said turning my head back and looking down as I fiddled with my hands.

"Hey I know you and I didn't get on the right side of each other when we first met but I know something is wrong and if you think you can hide whatever it is you're feeling from everyone, then you're mistaken."

"I don't want to talk about it Vengeance so please just leave it alone." I said sighing in frustration.

"It's always good to talk to someone."

"I know it is but I just don't want to talk about it at the moment." I said getting to my feet and walking the rest of the way off of the porch and going a little ways into the yard. I looked up into the sky seeing the stars and the moon in its fullest.

"You know if you keep shit bottled up inside you, you won't focus on tomorrow night."

"I will be prepared...Jacoby is mine and I have made it very clear to Shadows that if anyone get's in my way they will die." I said looking over at Vengeance. He shook his head and laughed lightly.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked questioning his actions.

"You aren't fooling anyone here Jay. I know you miss your parents."

"You don't know shit." I said shaking my head.

"I knew your mom and dad both. They were great people and they talked so highly about you. You were their little girl that they would do anything for. Jay they both knew something like this would happen one day and they prepared themselves for this."

"I wasn't prepared for this! How the hell could they have?" I said almost yelling. I seen a few guards look over at us but they went back to their duties when Vengeance looked over at them.

"No one is prepared to die or lose someone they love but it comes as a custom in life." I didn't say anything as I cast my gaze down to the ground.

"Come on. We both need to get to bed and if Shadows wakes up anytime during the night, he'll wonder where you are." I nodded and he led me into the house shutting the door quietly behind him. I followed him up the stairs and he went into a room as I opened the door to Shadows' room. I went back over to the bed and he was still sleeping soundly. I laid down pulling the covers over my shivering body. Maybe Vengeance is right. I ain't fooling anyone with hiding what's wrong but I don't want to look weak. I'm not ever going to be weak. No matter how intense the situtations get. I will always keep the demeanor my father trained me to have. I rolled over onto my side with my back facing Shadows and it didn't take long after that to fall into a deep and relaxing sleep.