Any Other Heart

I was in hell. That was the only rational explanation for how I was feeling when I woke up. I was in hell, and Satan was standing in front of the windows, blinding me with his hell fire.

“Rise and shine, love,” Satan said. Satan sounded suspiciously like Louis.

I groaned and shoved my head under the pillow, protecting my sensitive eyes from the sunshine coming in through the windows, thanks to Louis’s decision to expose me to the early morning.

“It’s half past eleven, Mia. We have to check out in 30 minutes.”

Well, all right, so maybe it wasn’t early morning. I groaned again but made no further movement. I felt like I couldn’t. I felt like I was tied down to the bed and couldn’t move.

I felt the pillow get pulled away from me, and then the comforter was torn from my body. I flailed around, desperate for my pillow and blanket back, but it was to no avail. “Up, come on. I let you sleep as long as I physically could, Mia. You have to shower, or at the very least, get up.”

I picked my head up from the bed, but not without great effort. I glared at Louis and flipped him off, but he just shrugged and continued picking up things around the room.

I eventually threw my legs over the edge of the bed and planted my feet on the ground. I felt like the whole room was moving, and I hoped with a little leverage the spinning would stop. It did, but then I was hit with the nausea. I sprinted to the bathroom connected to the room and collapsed by the toilet before emptying the contents of my stomach, which wasn’t much in all honesty. I was mainly dry-heaving, but I think that was worse.

After a few minutes, I collapsed on the floor. I pressed my cheek against the cool tile and willed myself to just die right there.

My eyes were closed, so I couldn’t see Louis standing in the doorway, watching me with absolutely no pity in his face, although I heard the sigh he released. I’m sure I looked pathetic. My head was fuzzy and pounding like it had a heartbeat of its own, my mouth tasted absolutely wretched, and I couldn’t remember last night at all.

“What happened?” I groaned when I found my voice again, hoping Louis could help.

He didn’t answer until I opened my eyes and looked at him. “Someone had a few too many vodka cranberries last night.”

I groaned again, but sat up, albeit very slowly. Lou stuck his hand out to help me stand, and once I was steady he let go. “There’s no way this is because of a few vodka cranberries,” I muttered, standing in front of the sink and splashing my face with some cold water before taking the toothbrush Louis was holding out for me.

“Well, I’d say it was a mix between the vodka cranberries, the shots you apparently took like a champ, and the vodka Redbulls. But that’s just a guess.”

I rubbed my face in frustration, groaning again. “I don’t remember any of that.” And it was true. I had no recollection of the night before.

The lads had their final Belfast show, and then we were staying in Belfast one more night before we were set to leave to travel to Dublin for the next show. I did remember that they had wanted to go out to “celebrate” and I had tried to get out of it, but then eventually got dragged along regardless. I remembered making a promise to myself to not drink too much when we got to the bar, but the rest of the night... well, it was very, very fuzzy.

When I looked at Louis, he just shrugged before turning around. I followed him out towards the bed, where I collapsed on it once again. “If you’re going to shower, you need to do that in the next... ten minutes. Because we have to meet down in the lobby in fifteen.”

I wanted nothing more than to shower, but I knew I didn’t have time, so instead I grabbed a pair of clothes from my bag that Louis had apparently retrieved for me, changed quickly in the bathroom, and after running a comb through my hair and deeming myself acceptable, we headed downstairs to meet everyone else.

I couldn’t believe I blacked out. I decided that was the only logical reason I couldn’t remember last night--I had drank too much, gotten entirely too drunk, and blacked out. That was so unlike me, I almost couldn’t believe it had actually happened. But my lack of memory proved it to be the only explanation.

Louis and I were the last ones in the lobby, so Paul just immediately sent us out to the bus. Not before giving me a look that screamed disapproval of course, but I tried to ignore that.

There was a small crowd of girls outside wanting autographs and pictures, so I hurried out ahead of Lou and climbed onto the bus.

I hadn’t really thought about what I was going to do when I saw the boys, who had seen me at my worst the night before and I didn’t have any memory of it. When I stepped into the front lounge, where they were all seated, their eyes were on me within seconds. I felt my entire body heat up with the blush I was sure was spreading across my skin.

“Someone had a good night last night, yeah?” Niall said, grinning like the fucking cat who got the canary. Niall, who had his fair share of drunken nights and I’m sure even blacked out once or twice.

“Piss off,” I muttered before collapsing on the couch. I was going to go to my bunk, but the idea of crawling into the small enclosed space just absolutely did not appeal to me, my throbbing head, or my turning stomach.

Louis got on the bus then, but walked by all of us. He muttered something about wanting to get some sleep, because he hadn’t last night, and then disappeared into his bunk.

I sighed. His anger hadn’t gone unnoticed, but it wasn’t like I exactly had my memory to recall why he was angry. I could have asked, but I felt like that would have made everything worse, so instead I turned to Niall. “What happened last night?”

He chuckled and shook his head in amusement. “Having a hard time remembering, love?”

I glared at him. “Don’t give me that, Nialler. I’m not in the mood. Just... help me fill in the blanks, please? I remember getting harassed into going out last night and I specifically remember saying I wasn’t going to drink much, because I knew we were driving to Dublin today and there’s a show tonight. So tell me how I managed to get from that to... this,” I said, gesturing to my trainwreck state.

He laughed again, but apparently decided to take pity on me because he started talking. “You were fine at first. You said you weren’t going to drink much. You had a couple vodka cranberries and then said you were done, but then someone ordered a round of shots and I think it was all downhill from there.”

I nodded, vaguely remembering the shots. “I had a shot, thanks to you,” I said, glaring at Niall.

He grinned. “You had more than one, love. I think you had... five? I don’t know, I lost count.”

My jaw dropped. “Niall! Jesus! What happened after that?”

He shrugged. “I lost you after the shots. When I found you later, right before we were leaving, you were leaning on Louis. He brought you back to his room I think. You seemed out of it then, but kind of upset.”

At the mention of that, I immediately remembered Louis helping me back to the hotel. We took a car back to the hotel before everyone else left. Louis had a few drinks but he wasn’t nearly as pissed as I was, thankfully. I remembered being upset, but I couldn’t--

I gasped and caught Harry’s eye from his spot sitting at the make-shift kitchen table across the bus from me. I immediately looked away as I was hit with the memory from last night.

“Oh my god,” I muttered, rubbing my face in frustration. “I’ll... be right back, Nialler.”

He nodded and let me leave. I headed back to Louis’s bunk and pulled the curtain open just a little. He was laying on his side, his back to me. “Lou...” I said softly. “Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t answer.

I sighed. “I made a move on him, didn’t I?”

I waited for a response. Finally, he sighed and turned over to face me, looking miserable. “Last night was singlehandedly the longest night of my life, Mia.”

I groaned and burrowed my head in my hands. “What happened?” I asked, my voice muffled by my skin.

“I didn’t catch the moment between you and Haz,” he said quietly. “He came and found me after, told me you were really gone and someone should get you back to the hotel. I was the only one who wasn’t completely pissed off my arse, so I volunteered. Paul called us a car, and then I brought you back to my room because I was afraid you would die from alcohol poisoning or something.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly, avoiding his gaze. I felt ridiculous, embarrassed, and absolutely, positively humiliated, and I couldn’t look at Louis.

“Well you did it for me, yeah?” he said, trying to ease the tension. “So I brought you to my room and then got you in bed. I thought everything was going to be fine, but then...” he trailed off, looking at me with a look of pity.

“What?” I demanded, stepping back a little and crossing my arms in front of my chest. “What happened?”

He sighed and rubbed his face, frustrated. “You had a bit of a breakdown.”

I didn’t even have to ask about what. I stayed quiet so Lou would keep going.

“You kept saying something about rejection and not being good enough, but I had no idea what you were going on about, and everything you said was slurring together. I calmed you down as best I could and before I knew it you were out like a light. I went to your room to get your things, and when I was in the hall I ran into Haz. He was a bit pissed, so he was babbling, but he kept asking if you were okay and whatnot. I told him you were sleeping, and then I asked him what happened. He said...” Lou trailed off, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there talking about anything but Harry and I. “I guess you tried to kiss him, but he pushed you away because you were obviously too drunk and he wasn’t about to take advantage, or something like that.”

“Oh my God!” I hissed, burrowing my head into Louis’s bunk. I hoped maybe I’d suffocate so I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my stupid actions.

“So, that was your night. I, on the other hand, had to stay up and make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit.”

“I am so sorry,” I said when I finally looked up. Louis still looked irritated, but he shrugged me off. “No, really Lou, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t... that was completely irresponsible of me. I never should have drank so much, and you shouldn’t have been left to take care of me.”

He sighed before falling onto his back. “It’s fine, Mia. Just... don’t do it again all right? I was worried about you for awhile there.”

I assured him I wouldn’t, and then I left Louis alone, figuring he needed to get some sleep before we got to Dublin.

When I walked back out to the front lounge, I took a seat across from Harry. He had his laptop out but he was concentrated on his phone. He glanced at me briefly before he finished typing whatever he was typing, locked his phone, and set it down. “Hi,” he drawled, a small smile on his face.

“I am so sorry,” I said immediately. I didn’t want to draw it out--I just wanted to apologize and get it over with. “Last night was... a mess.”

He nodded. “It’s fine, love. Really. You were drunk, and we weren’t helping the matter, yeah?” he smirked, obviously realizing the lads had played a major part in my hot mess of a night.

“Still. I’m sorry I was such a mess, I’m sorry I blacked out, and I’m just...” I trailed off, shrugging. “Sorry.”

He nodded. “It’s okay. Did Lou--”

I nodded. “He told me what happened, and he also said you were...” I trailed off again, trying to find the word. “A gentleman? Jesus, this is ridiculous...” I muttered. I felt ridiculous, the entire situation was ridiculous... just, everything about the past 24 hours was making me blush and feel like a complete wanker.

He grinned. “I’d never take advantage of you, Mia. I think much higher of you than that, you should know that.”

I felt the blush rise of my cheeks as I looked down. “Well thank you, anyways. And I’m sorry, again.”

He brushed it off. “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re okay. Maybe just know your limit next time? I was worried about you.”

I smiled and nodded. “Absolutely. I’m going to go take a nap I think. Didn’t exactly get much sleep last night, yeah?”

He nodded and smiled, so then I stood up and headed back to my bunk, feeling better.