Any Other Heart

Despite my raging hangover, the show went rather smoothly. I had to act as normal as possible so Lou would be none the wiser, and I think I pulled it off. I felt better anyways, having napped on the bus. After some pills and enough water for a small village, I was feeling almost like normal.

As much as I wanted to spend more time with Lux after the show, I could hardly keep my eyes open, so I immediately said goodnight to Lou and told her I’d see her tomorrow before disappearing to my own room.

I called Matt, but he didn’t answer so I left a message telling him to call me when he got a chance, that I wasn’t mad and that I thought things were good or at least getting better with mum. I had a text from Loren, which was a pleasant surprise as well. She had texted me during the show but it had been too crazy so I didn’t get it in time.

Good luck with the show tonight! Miss you babe, all my exams are over so see you soon I hope! xo

It wasn’t much, but it still made me smile. Loren and I had made plans before I left for her to come out on tour for a few days when her coursework slowed down a bit. Hearing that it had and that I may be seeing her sooner rather than later was the best news.

Show went well, I’m knackered. Call you tomorrow? Miss you too! xoxox

I sent the message and then set my phone on my nightstand. The second my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

***

The sound of my phone screeching at me the next morning was what woke me up.

I snatched it off the table and brought it up to my ear before saying in the most menacing voice I could manage, “What the bloody hell do you want?”

Louis just laughed on the other end of the line. “Are you hungry? The lads want to get breakfast downstairs, figured you would want to join.”

I groaned and shoved my head under my pillow. “It’s early. Go away.”

He chuckled. “We’re on the phone, love. You could hang up if you wanted.”

I seriously considered it for a moment before sitting up in bed with a sigh. “I was going to, but now my stomach is grumbling and the idea of breakfast is a much stronger appeal than I was expecting it to be.”

“Perfect! Be ready in a half hour. And bring a phone charger over, yeah? Mine’s acting funny.”

I assured him I would and that I would come knock on the door when I was ready, then I got a quick shower. I threw on a pair of sweats and a v-neck, not caring how I looked, before I threw my hair up in a messy bun. When I was ready, I grabbed my phone and my keycard and headed out.

Louis’s room was across the hall from mine and he was staying with Harry, as usual. Things between Harry and I were fine, albeit a little awkward still on my part. He acted as if nothing happened though so I just tried to do the same. If we acted like I hadn’t tried to kiss him, then maybe it would actually come true.

Niall was the one who answered the door with a grin, Louis right behind him along with Zayn and Liam. “Ready?” I asked them and they all nodded.

Two members of their security team came to breakfast with us, sitting at a table next to the large booth we got shoved into. “Why didn’t Haz come?” I asked Louis once we were seated. I was caught between him and Niall in the booth with Zayn and Liam across from us.

Louis shrugged. “Said he didn’t feel like it, something about not getting much sleep last night.”

I nodded. I could understand that.

We all ordered and then chatted about the show that night and the tour so far. They asked how I was doing and if the “job” was going all right, which it so clearly was, and I asked them how they felt about the tour so far. It was nice to just sit and relax and talk about everything and anything, just like mates would.

Breakfast didn’t last long, because I had to get over to the venue with Lou, so when we finished eating we headed back to our rooms. “Were you charging your phone this whole time?” I asked Louis as we went up in the lift. “I need to bring my charger to the venue. My phone’s about to die.”

He nodded. “Come to my room and I’ll give it to you.”

When Louis slipped his keycard into the lock and then opened the door, gesturing for me to go ahead of him, I can honestly say the absolute last thing I was expecting to see was someone straddling Harry while they snogged as if their lives depended on it.

It all clicked together entirely too slowly for my liking. First, I saw Harry sitting on his bed while someone snogged the life out of him. That hurt enough, to see him kissing someone else, but then when the brunette pulled away--their lips making a horrifying suction noise--and I realized it was Loren, I felt like I’d been punched.

“I don’t... what?” were the words to leave my mouth when I finally found my voice.

Her face turned as white as the comforter Harry was sitting on. “Oh Jesus.”

“What are you doing?” I asked, like a bloody moron. I knew what she was doing. She was snogging Harry, that much was obvious. There were a million better questions I could have asked, like why was she there or why was she kissing Harry, and yet I went with that. Stupid.

Harry got off the bed then, and I watched as his hand fell to Loren’s lower back. The punches just kept rolling in.

“Lou, this is Loren,” he said finally. “She’s... she’s my girlfriend.”

I felt like I’d been slapped. I honestly felt like Loren herself had reached over and slapped me across the face. Then I felt my heart plummet into my stomach. I thought I was going to be sick.

“Oh fucking hell,” Louis muttered from next to me, although it was fuzzy. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Loren and Harry, and yet I couldn’t make sense of it either. “Liam!” Louis yelled, and then he was walking out of the hotel room.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “Loren, what are you doing here?”

She shook her head. “Mia, I’m sorry,” was all she said, as if that answered any of my questions.

Louis returned then with Liam, Zayn, and Niall, as if we needed the entire fucking band to figure this all out. “Oh hell,” Liam said when he walked in and spotted Harry with Loren. “Haz, who’s this?”

He scratched the back of his neck and for the first time he had the balls to look embarrassed. “Mates, this is Loren. My girlfriend.”

There was chaos then, confusion and questions and no one understanding what was going on. Harry had a girlfriend? She was visiting? Why hadn’t anyone known? How long?

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t stop looking at my best mate standing in front of me, next to her supposed boyfriend who just so happened to be the same lad I was in love with. I felt a hand on my back but didn’t--couldn't--look away.

“Are you okay?” someone, Lou I think, said in my ear.

Was I okay? What a laugh. What a bloody laugh.

Suddenly, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “I need... I need out of here,” I said, turning around and pawing my way through the boys until I was in the hall. I was taking these deep, gasping breaths until I was in front of my door, struggling to get my key out and open it. It was like I couldn’t keep my hand still long enough to slide the key into the lock.

A hand closed over mine and took my key. I didn’t even have to look to see who it was. “Come on, love,” he said quietly before he opened the door and guided me inside.

He guided me towards the bed and I sat down. I could feel his eyes on me, questioning, wondering, but I looked right through him. I was breathing heavily but I still felt like I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Why is she here?” I asked finally, my voice quiet and strained. “I don’t understand...”

“I think you need to talk to--”

“Do not say what I think you’re about to say, Louis. Just... don’t.”

I looked up when he stayed quiet and he nodded. “I’m going to go back over and see what’s going on. Will you... are you all right?”

I wanted to laugh, but instead I just nodded.

When he left, I felt myself crumbling. I was alone, and that was when I was allowed to fall apart. I fell into the bed and curled up under the heavy duvet, pulling it up over my head so none of me was exposed. I thought I was going to cry, but I couldn’t. I was still confused. I didn’t understand what was going on.

I tried to fall asleep, but I couldn’t get the image of Loren kissing Harry out of my mind. Loren looking at me like she saw a ghost. Harry’s hand on Loren’s back. Then, “This is Loren, my girlfriend.”

I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach repeatedly. I couldn’t breathe. Loren was shagging Harry. Loren, my best mate for as long as I could remember, was shagging Harry, the boy I was in love with. It was cruel and unfair and nothing made sense.

When Louis came back, I was sitting up in bed, clutching my middle and hunched over, trying to catch my breath. I was pathetic, and I knew that, but I couldn’t stop. I wanted to go to sleep, or turn back time, or anything that would make it stop hurting.

Louis sat down beside me and pulled me into his side. I wouldn’t look at him, just kept my gaze focused on the stark white duvet. “I ran into Lou out in the hall. She was getting ready to head over to the venue. Told her you had cramps, but you would meet her there soon because if I know you, the idea of leaving Lou alone isn’t something you would ever do.”

I closed my eyes and burrowed my body closer to Louis. “I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like I got tossed out to sea without a lifejacket and I’m drowning and there’s no one there to save me. God! How pathetic am I?”

“Hey, don’t say that. You’re not pathetic, love. Not by a long shot.”

I stayed quiet. Louis sighed. “You’re gonna head over to the venue aren’t you?”

I nodded.

“Want me to come with?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m just going to wash up and grab my things and take a cab over. I’m... I’ll be fine.”

“You’re lying, but I can’t even do anything about it. Just make it through the show, then we have a day off tomorrow. It’ll be all right, Mia. I promise.”

I scoffed and pulled away. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”