Any Other Heart

When we got to Manchester and were all checked into our hotel, Paul stopped all of us to see what everyone’s plans for the day were. The lads had a day off with no press or any plans, so if they were planning on going out Paul needed to let the security team know.

Zayn claimed he had a Skype date with Perrie, Liam wanted to catch some extra sleep, and Niall said there was a footie game on he wanted to watch. Louis gave a non-committed shrug, which apparently meant he wasn’t going anywhere, and I told Paul I had no plans.

But then there was Loren and Harry.

“All right, head to your rooms. If you need anything, you know where I am. Don’t cause too much trouble,” Paul warned and then sent us on our way.

“Actually,” Harry said, and we all stopped. “Loren and I want to go out, maybe get dinner or something.”

I had to turn away before I lost what little was in my stomach.

I didn’t stick around to listen to their couple plans for the afternoon and instead went straight to the lift, Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Niall trailing close behind me.

I didn’t say a word while the lift took us up to our floor, but I was the only one. “Can’t believe Haz is gonna take her out like that,” Niall said, shaking his head briefly before he chuckled. “They’re gonna get ambushed wherever he goes.”

“That’s what security is for,” I snapped. “Think they deserve whatever comes their way, though.”

Everyone was quiet, and when I looked up they were all staring at me. Niall was smirking. “Someone slept on the wrong side of her bunk this morning, aye?”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t answer.

When we got to our floor, we all piled out and headed to our respective rooms. I didn’t say much as I opened my door, just threw a wave over my shoulder and disappeared inside. I tossed my bag to the side and then fell on my bed. It was a giant king sized bed and I planned on not leaving it the entire day-off in Manchester.

That plan didn’t last long.

I had my eyes closed and I thought maybe I would take a nap, but then there was a serious of frantic knocks on my door.

I groaned. “Go away!” I called out.

“No! Open the door!”

I rolled my eyes and threw my legs over the side of my bed before I padded to the door. When it swung open, there was Louis. Surprise, surprise. He smiled. “What are you doing today?”

I shrugged and walked over to my bed, waiting for Louis to follow. “Didn’t have any, actually. Just relax, I guess. Why?”

“We’re going to a tattoo parlor in town, and you’re going to come with.”

“Who is we, Louis? And no I’m not.”

He sighed. “Come on, Mia. Get ready and come over to my room in an hour. Zayn wants to get his touched up, so he and I are going, and you’re coming with us. Please? Can’t just hide away from the world and wallow forever, yeah?”

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “I’m not hiding from anyone, Lou. I’m just... tired, yeah?”

“And you’ll be tired tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. You only live once, Mia. Just come with us okay? You can sleep later.”

So that was how I found myself sitting between Zayn and Louis in the car on our way over to some tattoo shop in the middle of Manchester. I had been irritated when Louis left my room, but the more I thought about it the more I realized he was right. I hated it, but he was right. I couldn’t just stay in my room all day upset because Loren was an awful best mate who never deserved the title in the first place. I couldn’t hide away because I was in love with a boy who might as well not know I even existed.

My life was a bloody joke, but that didn’t mean I had to hide away from the world.

“It’ll be fun, love,” Louis said to me, throwing his arm over my shoulder as we got ushered into the shop.

Zayn went first. He wanted to get the skull near his collar bone touched up, as well as his whole half-sleeve. I thought some of his tattoos were absolutely ridiculous, but he absolutely loved them so who was I to complain? I thought it was amazing that he even had the guts to go through with all of them.

While we sat and waited, I checked out the tattoos on Louis’s arm. His forearm rested on my thigh while I traced my finger over the ones he had. The small quotation marks on his wrist with the few small bird silhouettes, which I loved. His compass, which I thought was kind of ridiculous when he got it, but secretly loved. The stupid stick figure and the “oops!”, which I really did hate. I went further up his arm, to the “Far away.” under his bicep, which was my favorite one out of all of them.

“What’s your favorite one?” I asked him quietly, pulling him from whatever silly conversation he was having with Zayn.

“Hmm,” he hummed, pulling his arm away and pointing to “‘Far away.’ I think.”

I smiled and nodded.

We watched Zayn finish up his tattoos, and then it was Louis’s turn. He was just getting, funny enough, “Far away.” touched up. Because of the placement, it faded easily, so every once in awhile he would go in and get it fixed up.

It was quick and easy, and before I knew it Louis was getting out of the chair and all done. Louis and Zayn thought they were done, ready to head out.

“I want a tattoo,” I said suddenly, stopping both of them in their tracks.

“You sure about that love?” Louis asked, looking awfully skeptical for a boy who had a tattoo that looked like it was written by a five year old.

“Brilliant!” Zayn said at the same time, obviously pleased with my decision to join the tattoo club. “What do you want?”

So for the next hour, I poured over fonts and ideas with the tattoo artist. I blamed his patience with me on the fact that I was standing there with two-fifths of One Direction, but it didn’t matter.

I was going to get a tattoo.

An hour later, I had a font picked out and the left side of my body was exposed while the artist traced the words out right below where my bra rested on my skin.

“Are you sure about this?” Louis asked me, sounding awfully skeptical still. He was sitting on my right side and I wouldn’t let him see the tattoo until it was finished.

I glanced down at my skin and then back up at Louis. I nodded firmly. “Absolutely positive. Time I do something for myself, yeah? And this... it’s important.”

There wasn’t much Louis could say to that, and I was pretty sure he knew that, so he just pursed his lips and nodded.

I was terrified of how much it was going to hurt, especially for my first tattoo. “This spot’s a bit sensitive,” the artist, Ian, told me. “So it’s probably going to hurt. I won’t lie. If you relax though, and maybe think of something else, it’ll go easier. It’s only a few words too, so it shouldn’t take long. Just take some deep breaths, yeah?”

I nodded. “I’m ready. I’ll be fine.”

The second the needle touched my skin, I thought I was going to scream. I closed my eyes tight to fend off the tears I thought I was going to shed from falling and bit my lip so hard I was positive I was going to draw blood. It wasn’t unbearable pain, but Jesus did it hurt. I tried to focus on something else, but I couldn’t think of anything but the buzz of the gun and the needle piercing my skin.

But then someone’s hand wrapped around mine and held it tight, and when I opened my eyes and looked over Louis was holding my hand. He gave me a sympathetic look. “Hurts, yeah?”

I gave him a short nod and then the gun hit a particularly sensitive spot and I cursed. “Mother fucker! Why am I doing this?”

Ian laughed, pulling the gun off my skin for a brief moment. “Almost done love. Fifteen more minutes and it’ll be over.”

I nodded and gritted my teeth, praying it would be over much sooner.

“Hey, remember that photo shoot we had to do last year? With the puppies?” Louis spoke, pulling me from the pain briefly.

I smiled, but it probably looked more like a grimace, and nodded briefly. “Thought Nialler was going to take one of them home. You guys loved those things.”

“Made Zayn and Perrie get one of their own, yeah?”

I laughed. “Zayn, how is the pup anyways?”

He was sitting where Louis and I had been previously, smiling at the thought of his dog I’m sure. “Good, Hatchi’s good. Perrie’s head over heels for him.”

“Sure she’s not the only one, mate,” Louis added with a smirk.

Zayn didn’t deny it.

“All right, you’re done,” Ian said finally.

I wanted to cry tears of happiness. “Can I see?”

He nodded and grabbed a mirror before holding it to my skin so I could get a good look. In a delicate script font, the words “this too shall pass” were scrawled on my skin on my ribs. I loved it. I absolutely adored it.

I looked at Louis with a grin, who was peering over me to get a look. “Happy?” he asked me, and I smiled wider.

“I love it. This was the best decision I’ve had in awhile.”

He squeezed my hand and that was when I realized he hadn’t let go the entire time. “Glad to hear it love. Glad to hear it.”

After getting instructions on after care for my tattoo and what to do before it healed, we all paid and then headed out, piling back into the car to get taken back to the hotel.

Zayn and I chatted the entire ride back about tattoos. He told me I was going to be addicted now and I would want more and more, but I denied it. I loved what I had, but it hurt and I wasn’t entirely sure I would want to go through the process again. He told me he had said the same thing after his first one. “Now look at me,” he chuckled, showing off his half-sleeve once again.

Louis was being awfully quiet, but I waited until we were back in the hotel, Zayn already in his room and Louis following me to my door, before I said anything. “What’s wrong?” I asked, leaning against my door.

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just... why did you decide to get a tattoo?”

I shrugged and opened my door before I nodded my head for him to follow. “Just wanted one, and I figure this part of my life and everything that’s happening... well, this was as good a time as any, yeah?”

“Fine, but why ‘this too shall pass?’ What do you mean by that?”

I sighed and planted my hands on my hips. “You’re the one who said tattoos don’t have to have some hidden special meaning, yeah? Come off it, Lou.”

“I did, but we both know you think that’s bullocks, so why won’t you just tell me?”

I glared at him. “Fine. It just... it just means--it just means exactly what it bloody says!” I burst, throwing my hands up in the air. “What else do you want me to say?”

Louis sighed. “I want you to tell me you didn’t get a bloody tattoo because of him, Mia. That’s what I want.”

That stung. I took a step back, as if Louis had physically hurt me, and my jaw dropped. “What do you--what are you saying?”

He groaned again, obviously frustrated. “I want you to tell me you didn’t get that bloody tattoo because of Harry, Mia! Jesus.”

“I didn’t get it because of him! What kind of--who the hell do you think I am?” I hissed. I was mad now, and Louis was going to know it. “How dare you!”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re acting like it’s the most ridiculous thing, when in reality we both know it’s not. So why did you get it, Mia?”

I didn’t want to answer him, didn’t think he really deserved it to be honest, but I also wanted to prove him wrong. “It’s not for Harry, Lou. My life isn’t exactly perfect right now, but it’s just a reminder that even though everything may be going to shit, it will pass and eventually I’ll come out on the other side.”

He watched me carefully, and I returned his gaze, and neither of us said anything. But then he sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve just--it’s just watching you fall to pieces over all of this... it’s bloody hard, all right? You’re my best mate Mia. I hate seeing the effect all of this shit has on you.”

I shrugged, still a little irritated, and looked at the ground. “It’s not easy for me either, Lou. I’m trying though, yeah? That’s all I can do. I didn’t want to go out with you, but then I did, and it resulted in me getting a tattoo. And yes, maybe a part of me was thinking of Harry when I got it, but it’s not for him. It’s not for anyone but me, all right? And for a moment, I felt fine. I wasn’t thinking of Loren or Harry or my mum, or anyone. Just me. And I was happy. So you can’t--don’t hate me for that, all right?”

I watched as the rest of Louis’s mood faded and he crosse the space between us within seconds. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug, planting a kiss on the top of my head. “I’m sorry,” he muttered into my hair. “Sorry for being a shit friend on some days and a twat on others.”

When we pulled away, I shrugged. “I’m not exactly the easiest person to be around right now either, and I’m sorry for that. Just... know I’m trying, Lou. I really am. It’s just all so new and I don’t know how to handle any of this shit, but I am trying and that has to count for something.

He assured me it did, and then things were fine. “Get some rest,” he told me finally before stepping towards the door. “Maybe we can go get dinner later or something with the rest of the lads, yeah?”

I told him that sounded brilliant and then with one last smile, Louis walked out of my room and left me alone.