Any Other Heart

let the truth sting

When I woke up the morning of the Manchester matinee show, I was feeling pretty good. My side hurt a considerable amount and was bruising, and I’d had a headache for the past twenty-four hours, but I felt better. I’d gone to dinner with the lads (minus Harry and Loren, of course, who were probably out enjoying a lovely evening snogging each other’s faces off) and managed to forget the weirdness between Louis and I until the memory was distant, and they even made me feel better. No one talked about Harry or Loren or any of the tension I’m sure they had all felt radiating from my body, and it was nice. I could just forget for a few hours.

The first Manchester show went all right, which only increased my good mood, and by the time the morning of the second show rolled around, I was downright giddy. I thought I might even talk to Loren, which was probably ridiculous, but I figured we needed to have the conversation sooner or later, and I might as well have it when I felt good so I wouldn’t feel quite as knocked down when it was all said and done.

My logic was probably off, but whatever helped, right?

So when I woke up that morning and my ribs hurt and I could feel the bruise forming on my side around my healing tattoo, and my head was practically pulsing with it’s own heartbeat, I should have taken that as a warning that the day was going to be bad.

I ignored the warnings the universe was throwing my way though and continued on with my day, hoping to actually get some things accomplished.

The boys had to be at the venue when Lou, Caroline, myself, and everyone else did, due to the early show. So when I got down to the lobby and everyone was there while Paul checked us out, I surveyed the area first. I wondered if I would be able to catch Loren quick before we headed over to the venue and things got crazy.

But she wasn’t there. My former best mate was nowhere in site, and Harry was standing with Lou looking awfully--well, awful actually. I knit my eyebrows together and found Louis first. “Where’s Loren?” I asked immediately, still looking around the lobby.

“Erm,” Louis said, scratching the back of his neck. “She, uh--she left, early this morning.”

My head snapped over and I caught his eyes. “What?” I hissed, my voice low as I grabbed onto his arm.

He sighed, his eyes darting around. “I guess she left this morning. Haz seems a bit broken up about it.”

My eyes bored into Louis. “Broken up?” I said through gritted teeth. “He doesn’t even know the meaning of the fucking word!”

Louis put his hands up in defense. “Don’t shoot the messenger!”

I glared at him but didn’t say anything else. What could I say? I mean, Loren was gone. I should have been happy about that, but I wasn’t. She just left, and before we could even talk. Before she could explain anything to me. Maybe that was my fault, because I had brushed her off the other day, but I had no idea when she was leaving. Now she was gone, and I would have to wait until God only knew when to speak to her about it again.

Then I was furious. She had the nerve to show up unannounced, spring her newfound relationship with the lad I was in love with on me, and then just leave? With no explanation?

I had to focus on something else before my brain exploded, or worse--I started to cry.

“You all right?” Louis asked me, touching my shoulder briefly to bring me back to the present.

I gave him a look that I hoped translated into not at all, but I’m trying to act fine so please just be quiet. He dropped his arm back at his side and sighed before turning back to a conversation with Niall.

I tried not to think about any of it until we got to the venue, which wasn’t incredibly difficult. When we got to the arena, we had to jump right into getting the lads ready for the matinee show. It was a whirlwind of hair, make-up, and wardrobe changes.

Surprisingly, I didn’t deal with Harry much. He stayed close to Lou’s side for the most part, and I couldn’t help but notice the way she mothered him. It bothered me, a lot if I was being honest, because I wanted to know what he was telling her. I wanted to know what was going on that had him so upset.

“Why don’t you just ask him?” Louis said when I was doing his hair. I wasn’t paying as much attention to him as I should have been, and he clearly noticed.

I sighed. “Because what would I say? I mean... what if she broke up with him?” I asked, my voice much lower so no one would hear.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Then you would be getting exactly what you wanted, yeah?”

I didn’t answer. I had a hard time finding my voice to say No, I wouldn’t. I had an even harder time even admitting that just to myself.

When the boys finally went onstage, I pulled Lou aside. “Is Harry all right? He seems a bit off.” I tried to play nonchalance, but Lou knew me pretty well. Still, I wasn’t prepared for the pity that crossed her features.

“He’s fine, love. Why don’t you come on our bus tonight? Feel like I haven’t seen much of you.”

Lou was a mother, and even though she was still fairly young and new at it, she had the mother-tone down pat. If she wanted something, all she had to do was speak with that tone and you couldn’t turn her down. I was no different. Despite the twists in my stomach, I smiled and nodded.

I didn’t have to deal with Harry until after the first costume change.

Lou had to fix Louis’s hair, and Caroline was busy fixing the snap on Niall’s trousers, so when Harry needed help changing in the ten minutes they had, I had to step up and do it. The second outfit wasn’t terribly elaborate--a blazer, a shirt, trousers--but because of the stage lighting, we had to roll the sleeves on the blazer up just so so they wouldn’t fall back down, or else Harry would probably collapse from heat exhaustion. They always joked and said they wore too many layers to perform, but they were actually serious.

So while he slipped off his shoes and put on his trousers, I helped with his shirt and then worked on his blazer. I tried to ignore the way his eyes were boring holes into my head, but it was difficult because we were just about eye-level.

“What?” I muttered, focused on his sleeves while I fixed them.

“Loren’s gone. You can stop acting like I killed your bloody cat.”

I absolutely could not believe he said that to me. I felt like all of the breath had been kicked out of me. He hadn’t said it in a particularly nasty way, but it was just... so not Harry. “Excuse me?” I asked, taking a small step back and dropping my hands to my sides.

He looked down at his sleeves, fidgeting with them himself while he spoke. “You’ve been avoiding me like the plague for the past few days, and I know it’s because of Loren, but she’s gone now so you can stop looking at me like I’m the scum of the Earth.”

“I’m not--”

“Come off it, Mia. I know you’re upset, but can’t you just talk to me about it instead of glaring at me from across the room? Or better yet, couldn’t you have talked to Loren before she left?”

Instantly I snapped my jaw shut and stepped forward. I finished Harry’s sleeves and then said, “There, you’re good,” before turning to walk away.

I wasn’t expecting him to follow me.

“Come on Mia! At least talk to me! I’m finally stepping up and you’re just going to walk away?”

“Fuck you! Fuck you for thinking you’re the better person right now just because you finally talked to me, fuck you for thinking I should ever speak to Loren again, and fuck you for being a prissy arse who thinks they’re entitled to speak to me that way just because you’re shagging my ex-best mate!”

I wanted to scream all of that at Harry until my voice was hoarse and I couldn’t speak any longer, but I didn’t. I stayed quiet.

“Why didn’t you ever just come talk to me?” he asked finally, shoving his hands into the pockets of his trousers. He looked... well, he actually looked embarrassed as he cast his eyes down and avoided my gaze. “Jesus Mia, all of this could have been avoided if you’d just come and talked to me.”

Well I certainly wasn’t expecting that. A scoff fell from my lips before I crossed my arms tight in front of my chest and tried to blink away the tears burning my eyes. “Actually Harry, all of this could have been avoided if my former best mate wasn’t a slag and you weren’t so bloody dense.”

I didn’t stick around to hear his response, just hurried out of the venue and made my way to the buses parked outside, climbing onto Lou’s bus and crawling into my old bunk before I shut the curtain and started to cry.

I was throwing my own pity party and I really didn’t care if anyone knew or not.

I knew I should have gone back into the venue to fulfill my job, but I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was getting better, but then Harry went and acted like everything was my fault and could have been avoided if I were just a better person, and that was the last straw honestly.

So then I was back at square one, and it was not a happy square to be in.

I knew there were a few hours between the matinee show ending and the night show beginning, and even then the opener would have to go on. So I knew there was time for me to have my breakdown, compose myself, and then go back into the venue before I would be needed again.

What I didn’t know, however, was that someone would join me on the bus in the midst of me bawling my eyes out.

“Mia?”

I stopped crying almost instantly when I heard Lou’s voice. “Love, where are you?” she asked, her voice getting closer. I was looking right at her when she pulled the curtain open on my bunk. “Oh love, come here,” she said softly, sticking her arms out.

I didn’t want to, but I crawled out of the bunk and then stood in the aisle and let Lou hold me while I cried on her shoulder.

We ended up in the back lounge while I leaned on her shoulder, still sniffling and trying to get myself to stop crying. Lou gave me a little while to at least partially compose myself before she spoke. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on then?”

So I did. I told her everything.

I told her how I’d been in love with Harry for entirely too long, and I told her about the bakery. I told her how Loren knew how I felt from almost day one and how she encouraged me to tell Harry my feelings. I told her how I had absolutely no idea they were dating until Louis and I walked into their room and found Loren and Harry snogging on the bed, and I told her how I still didn’t have any of the details because Loren hadn’t told me and she was gone now.

“And then Harry was acting like an arse and said this whole thing could have been avoided if I’d just come to one of them, which is bullocks because none of this is my fault, except maybe, maybe not telling Harry how I felt sooner.”

“Oh love, why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?”

I shrugged, looking down at my lap. “Because Harry and you are so close... I don’t know, Lou. I didn’t want to tell anyone. Louis knows, but that’s because he’s too perceptive for his own good, and Loren obviously knows.” I shrugged again before I looked up at her. “It wasn’t something I really wanted to talk about much, y’know? Especially all of this Loren nonsense. It just--it hurts. A lot. And I thought I was getting over it, but I’m not and I don’t know how to handle all of this.”

Lou hugged me tight again before pulling away and holding me by my shoulders. “You come to me from now on, all right?”

I nodded.

“As for Harry... I’ll talk to him, yeah? Maybe he’ll listen to me, realize he’s being a twat.”

“Absolutely not!” I almost shrieked. “You can’t--Lou, promise me you will not talk to Harry about any of this. I’m going to--I’ll figure it out, but please don’t talk to Harry. Promise me?”

She hesitated, but agreed, even though she looked skeptical. “Are you sure, love? It wouldn’t be a problem, honestly.”

“No. I’ll figure it out. I’m going to figure everything out on my own.”

Still, Lou looked skeptical, but she nodded. After a little while longer, and once I felt composed enough, Lou headed back to the arena. She insisted I stay on the bus and that she could handle everything. Even though that wasn’t what I wanted to do, I crawled back into my bunk, curled up, and fell asleep, feeling too drained to argue.
♠ ♠ ♠
Merry (belated) Christmas to those of you who celebrate! I hope you all had lovely days with your families. :)
I wanted to post this yesterday, but I got lazy. Tell me what you think though? Next chapter will be up sometime this weekend!
xoxox