Any Other Heart

An entire rack of clothes were gone, and coincidentally they were Harry’s. Even worse, I was the one in charge of making sure Harry and Louis’s racks were in their rightful spots in the dressing room that day, so it was my fault that somehow an entire rack of clothes just... weren’t there anymore.

On any normal day, it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. The lads could switch outfits like they sometimes did, someone could find something else to wear, and it would be fine. But because of my meltdown in Manchester, I was trying to make everything perfect. I wanted Lou to be proud of me, and she could only do that if I was actually doing a good job.

A good job did not include losing a rack of clothes the day of a show.

After some frantic searching and running around like I was bloody losing it, I found Harry’s rack roughly an hour before doors. Lou and Caroline were none the wiser, and Harry didn’t have anything to hold against me to accuse me of sabotaging his wardrobe on purpose.

As if he would, but honestly nothing would surprise me at that point.

So while everything was fine and I should have been happy, I wasn’t. I was upset, but I didn’t let myself think about it until we were on the bus heading to Sheffield. The drive was a little less than two hours, and then we would check into a hotel and the boys would have a day off the following day. They had a few early radio interviews to do, but other than that they had the day free.

I was planning on catching up on sleep.

I rode with Lou and Caroline to Sheffield because I was, quite simply, avoiding Harry whenever possible. I helped him get ready when I needed to, but Lou took over that job for the most part and left me with Zayn or Niall or even Louis, which was fine. I tried to do my job to the best of my ability, because that was what I was there for. I had a job to do and I wanted to make up for all of the shit that had been happening.

That was why the whole screw-up in Liverpool bothered me so much. I had a job to do that I wasn’t focusing on like I should have been, and that was the worst part.

When we got to the hotel in Sheffield, I made a vow to myself that I would focus on the job and not let things get to me any longer, and that was that.

So when Louis knocked on my door the next day with a grin on his face and the promise of a “brilliant night”, I wanted to say no. We had a show the next day and I wanted to be well-rested so no other mishaps would occur.

But then I remembered I wanted to be happier and the first step to happiness was letting go and having some fun.

“Will we get drunk?” I asked him, a skeptical look on my face.

He shrugged, his hands in his pockets. “Probably.”

“Give me a time and I’ll go.”

That was how I found myself spending the rest of the afternoon getting ready. I went through an entire pampering routine, which involved a lovely bubble bath, a face mask, and a deep conditioning treatment Lou had shoved in her bag and was willing to share with me. I felt like a whole new person. Lou helped with my hair, turning it sleek and shiny and perfect, and then helped me pick out an outfit; I ended up in a pair of my tightest black skinny jeans, a sparkly gold, strapless peplum top with black studded ankle boots and my leather jacket.

Lou was working on my make-up when I decided to tell her what I was thinking.

“I figure I should have some fun, yeah? I mean... what’s the point in sitting around feeling sorry for myself?”

She grinned before telling me to close my eyes so she could apply the eye makeup. “That’s the spirit love! Have some fun tonight. There’s only a few more shows before you’ll be heading home for a week, so enjoy it yeah? Don’t let the bad stuff get you down.” She pursed her lips while she did my eyeliner and then stepped back, allowing me to open my eyes. “Is Harry going?”

I shrugged. “Louis just said ‘We’re going out.’ I didn’t ask.”

“Be careful, yeah? Maybe just... keep your distance if he is there? Have fun, though, of course, but you know what I mean.”

I nodded. I knew exactly what she meant. She didn’t want me causing any more problems. I think that was my reality check, as unwanted as it may have been. I was causing a lot of problems being on tour, and that hurt.

“Lou,” I asked when she finished my make-up. I fiddled with the hem of my shirt and avoided her eyes. “Am I doing all right?”

Her laughter made me look up. “Love, you’re doing brilliant. I know it’s hard. The fact of the matter is, you’re nineteen and you’re being trusted with entirely too much. But you’re still handling it better than most people I’ve seen.” She kneeled down in front of me so we were eye level and rested her hand on my arm. “Mia, you’re doing great. I promise. If you weren’t, you would know. I know this is all a lot, but you’re handling it well. Just... keep doing what you’re doing, yeah?”

I gave her a hug and then she ushered me out of her room so I could finish getting ready.

Back in my room, I slipped my earrings on and grabbed my jacket before shoving a few of my essentials in a small clutch. I heard a knock just as I was getting ready to spritz myself with my perfume.

I had the perfume bottle held up to my neck, ready to spray, when I remembered who gave me the perfume. It was Loren’s. She swore it was lucky and had given it to me before I left for tour. I’d worn it once before, and Harry had told me I smelled nice. That was before I knew about he and Loren or course, but now, thinking back to the memory, I felt like a bloody idiot.

I slammed the bottle of perfume down and stalked over to the door, ripping it open and revealing Louis. He grinned at me at first, but then his expression faltered. Probably when he saw the fire in my eyes. “You... all right?”

“The fucking perfume,” I muttered, turning back around and going into my room.

Louis followed, and I heard the door click shut before he sighed. “What are you on--”

“Loren gave me her fucking perfume and Harry said I smelled nice because of course he would think so because it was Loren’s fucking scent! Dammit!” I finished, my voice a few octaves too high as I stomped my foot in frustration, my heel muted against the carpet.

“So throw it out,” Louis suggested with a shrug. He stuck his hand out and I passed over the bottle. He opened it and sniffed before making a face and shaking his head. Before I could say anything, he turned around and headed to my bathroom. I heard the sound of liquid hitting liquid, and then the toilet flushed. I heard a thud and then Louis came back out with a grin on his face. “There. All gone.”

I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him he shouldn’t have done that, but the only thing that came out was laughter. Before I knew it was I doubled over on my bed, gasping for breaths while Louis laughed right along with me.

“You just flushed a perfume that costed 100 pounds right down the toilet!” I gasped, wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Well she deserved it!”

We laughed harder, and we didn’t stop until I was holding onto Louis while we met the other lads out in the hallway. They gave us questioning looks, but Louis and I just shrugged and then we headed out.

***

There wasn’t much more I cared about other than the amount of vodka in my vodka cranberry, the dub-step remix of the Katy Perry song playing, and dancing until my feet screamed at me to stop. The music in the club was absolutely horrendous (the Katy Perry dub-step remix being a prime example) but it didn’t matter because I was finally letting loose and having fun.

I knew I was drunk, especially because I was on my fourth vodka cranberry and apparently the bartender didn’t know how to water things down, but it didn’t matter because so was everyone else. Literally all of the boys were pissed. Even Harry, who showed up after we all arrived, was now drunk. Even Liam had glazed eyes while he held a beer and chatted with Niall, both of their hands going wildly.

No one was out of hand, except maybe Niall but that was to be expected at that point. We were all just happy, save for Harry who seemed to be pouting, but I didn’t focus on that at all. I focused on the shots I decided to take with Louis and Zayn, and the song I was dancing to, and the fun I was having.

It was lovely. For once I was focused on myself, and it was nice.

We had to leave eventually, even though I would have loved nothing more than to stay and continue dancing. But Paul rounded us up and with Louis’s arm around me and Zayn guiding me, the two I had spent most of the night with, we made our way out to the car waiting for us.

Niall and Harry climbed in the back, Niall too sloppy for his own good, while I sat in the middle with Louis and Zayn flanking my either side, and then Liam sat in the front. I couldn’t stop giggling when the car pulled away from the curb, taking us back to the hotel.

“Why are you laughing?” Zayn asked, leaning against the window while he watched me carefully, digging through his pockets for a cigarette.

“Tonight was just fun is all! I actually enjoyed being out with you lot.”

“‘Cause you love us,” Louis mumbled, his head falling onto my shoulder while he grasped my hand. “You love us!” he repeated, dragging out the “o” for longer than necessary. But he was drunk and so was I so it didn’t matter.

When we got back to the hotel, Louis and I supported each other as we made our way up to our floor. We said goodnight to everyone, even Harry, before I drug us towards my door. “You should go back to your room, but I have no idea where that is,” I giggled, my hands fumbling with my doorknob.

He laughed. “Can’t I stay in your room?”

I was drunk. So was Louis. So I nodded. “Sure.” Eventually I got my door opened and we stumbled inside, falling into the darkness before I found the lightswitch.

We collapsed side by side in my bed, and finally we were quiet.

My eyes were just barely closed while my body hummed, vibrating from the alcohol and the happiness flowing through my veins. I couldn’t hide the smile that fell on my lips and I didn’t want to.

“You know,” Louis said, breaking the silence. “Happy looks good on you, Mia.”

I opened my eyes then and turned my head to look at him. My smile grew. “Thanks, Lou. Feels it, too.”

“You’re gonna be all right, yeah?” He asked me when he turned his head away, looking back up at the ceiling. I could tell his eyes were closing too, exhaustion setting in.

I nodded. “I am. Gonna be just fine.”

“Good.”

We eventually made our way up the bed and under the covers, getting comfortable before Louis’s arm made it’s way around my waist and he whispered into my hair, “Goodnight, Mia.”