Any Other Heart

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. My intentions were never to develop feelings for Harry, but he just kind of snuck up on me and then there was no where for me to hide.

It all started well before he got me the job as Lou’s assistant. Harry and I went to Hall Cross Academy together, but we didn’t have much contact there. We had one class together and that was it. I knew of Harry, but I didn’t know him.

Until he got the job at the bakery. The stupid, stupid bakery. My papa had been looking for extra help, because with my older brother off at uni in London, he didn’t have enough hands around to help. I tried when I could, but it wasn’t enough. We had the ‘help wanted’ sign up for two days before Harry walked in, asking for the job. Papa hadn’t even hesitated and within twenty-four hours, Harry and I were spending much more time together than either of us had been used to.

Being around Harry every weekend and most days after school during the week made it incredibly easy for my crush to grow. He was just so... Harry. His stupid jokes and the dimples that appeared whenever I’d embarrass myself, which was a daily occurrence. The little things about him that I felt like only I was seeing. It was a wonder I hadn’t fallen head over heels sooner, honestly.

I tried to make it go away, especially when Harry went off to try out for the X-Factor. He became this whirlwind overnight it felt like, while I was just Mia from Holmes Chapel. I thought that was all I’d ever be, until Harry got me the job working for Lou.

It was only supposed to be helping out on a few shoots here and there, but then I spilled how badly I wanted to go off to uni and do exactly what Lou was doing. She must have seen something in me, or maybe she just pitied me. I didn’t really care because before I knew it, she was “hiring me” as her full-time assistant, or as full-time as I could get while I finished off my coursework at college.

It wasn’t supposed to happen. That was what I told myself over and over, that I wasn’t supposed to fall for him, as if that was supposed to make it any better.

My best mate told me I was mental for doing it. She didn’t understand, if I wasn’t going to make a move, why I would want to subject myself to that kind of torture. “If you’re going to do this,” Loren had told me one night while I complained about the lack of my love life once again over tubs of ice cream, “then you should at least take advantage of the opportunity yeah? Get closer, then tell him how you feel. Can’t hurt right? And it’d be a hell of a lot better than where you’re at now.”

Aside from Loren, nobody knew. I kept it hidden as best I possibly could. I didn’t want anyone to know, so no one did.

Except Louis.

Out of all the boys, Louis and I were the closest. I’m not sure what it was, but we just sort of... clicked. Next to family, he and Loren were my two closest mates. He teased me to no end though, so the night he found out about Harry and I hadn’t exactly been the best day of my life.

The boys had a huge all-day photo shoot for the new album, not long after they had gotten back from America. It was one of the first “big projects” I was helping Lou and Caroline out with, so of course I was determined to be absolutely brilliant.

But it was also my first time spending such an extended period of time around Harry in a long time, so I was off my game.

I had been trying to act professional all day, getting the outfits pressed that Caroline needed or putting outfits on racks, or helping Lou out with hair and make-up when she didn’t have enough hands and the boys were too hopped up on energy to sit still for longer than five minutes at a time.

My professional attitude went well at first, because I was too busy to focus on anything else. But then as the day went on and there was less for me to do, I had more time to focus on the boys and watch what they were doing. Which, of course, meant catching all of the stupid things they did and laughing along with them the rest of the day.

It wasn’t on purpose, but I guess I was laughing just a little harder at Harry and focused a little more on the things Harry was doing. I tried harder than anything for that to not happen, but then it was and there wasn’t anything I could do.

Eventually Louis was pulling me off to the side somewhere while the rest of the boys went and got lunch. “You like Hazza.” He didn’t even question me, he just stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

My cheeks went ablaze and I tried to deny it. “You’re ridiculous! Mental, completely mental. Go get lunch, I have things to do.”

It didn’t work though. “Not a chance. Tell me I’m right. We both know it.”

I remember scowling at him. “What do you want from me, Lou? Honestly.”

He shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Tell me the truth.”

I didn’t answer instead, which was proof enough for both of us.

“Knew it! How long?”

“Keep it down!” I hissed, looking around frantically to make sure no one was around before I sighed and rubbed my face in frustration. “How could you have possibly figured it out?”

He shrugged. “I’m perceptive. I just know.”

I rolled my eyes.

“How long?” he asked me again.

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, not wanting to talk about it. “Can we drop it? Honestly Lou, you gossip more than a girl.”

He barked out a laugh and slung his arm over my shoulder before we started walking. “You should tell him. Never know, yeah?”

I scoffed at the time, because that was the biggest joke I’d heard in a long time. Tell Harry so he could have a laugh at my expense? No thank you. It was a stupid crush, and I was determined to get over it.

I thought maybe going on tour would help, some how. I thought maybe if I was around Harry constantly for weeks, I would be able to tell myself I didn’t have feelings for him and it was all just in my head. It sounded kind of backwards, which Loren had been the first to point out. She wanted me to get over him, for my own sake, but she didn’t see how spending day after day with him would help that cause. I did. Or at least, I thought I did. I just wanted to be over Harry.

***

Rehearsal went well at first, but after several hours of going non-stop, I eventually thought I was going to lose my bloody mind.

The lads were out of control. I mean, I was well aware that they were completely mental, but being around it constantly for several hours threw me. I almost couldn’t keep up.

Towards the end of rehearsal, I needed a breath of fresh air. I let Lou know I’d be back, grabbed my jacket and headed out to find a door to outside.

It was freezing out, which I was expecting. It was the end of February in England--there really wasn’t any other option other than cold and wet. I wrapped my leather jacket closer to my body and dug my hands into my pockets, searching for one thing and one thing only.

My hand wrapped around my lighter and the brand new pack of cigarettes, so I pulled them out. I played with the lighter and pulled out a new cigarette before putting the pack back in my pocket. I leaned against the wall of the venue and held the cigarette, but didn’t light it.

This was my usual routine.

I didn’t smoke, never had and honestly I probably never would. It was a more of a point I was trying to prove to my mum, which hadn’t really worked either. I wanted to make her mad, I wanted her to yell at me, just do something, before I left. She hadn’t. I had gone as far as to leave my pack of cigarettes on our kitchen table one night and she hadn’t said a word.

So now here I was.

It was more just something to keep my hands busy while I stood out in the cold. I didn’t think I was really going to smoke it.

But then I got company.

Zayn smiled at me as he stepped outside. “Whatcha’ doin’ out here, Mia?”

I shrugged and held up the cigarette to show him.

He nodded, bringing his own up to his lips before nodding towards my lighter, obviously wanting my help. I walked over to him and cupped my hand around the stick between his lips and lit it before stepping back so he could let go of the smoke. “You smoke?” he asked me finally as I shoved the lighter back in my pocket, but continued to finger the still un-lit cigarette.

“Not yet.”

He chuckled and I watched as he took another drag and blew the smoke out towards the sky. “Shouldn’t start. Bad for you, you know?”

I smiled. “So why do you?”

He smirked. “Bad habit. Been smoking since I was... fourteen?”

“Quit,” I said simply, dropping the un-lit stick on the ground and stepping on it, as if it needed extinguished.

“Not always that easy to quit a bad habit, yeah?”

I felt like I could relate. Harry was my bad habit, and I couldn’t quit him, so who was I to judge Zayn?

“Excited for the tour?” I asked him, changing the subject.

He nodded, taking another drag. “I am. Nice to be on the road again. Are you? This is kind of a big deal for you, yeah?”

I nodded. “A bit. Never been on tour before, but Lou and Caroline are brilliant. I’m not worried.”

Zayn nodded. We were quiet as he finished up his cigarette and then put it out on the ground. “Let’s go inside, it’s bloody freezing out here yeah?”

I laughed and nodded, following him back in. “Maybe I’ll become your unofficial smoking mate.”

“How about just my mate, yeah? I’d rather not be the reason you start smoking a pack a day on this tour. It may get stressful, but have a pint with Niall instead or something. Lou would probably kill me if she found out I got you smoking. Don’t need that.”

I laughed and nodded. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

***

The hotel we were staying at was incredibly close to the venue, thankfully. Once rehearsals were done, everyone packed up and we headed over. Rehearsals had been so long that all I wanted was a bed to sleep in and some peace and quiet.

Lou was already at the hotel checked in with Lux and Tom, so once I was checked in to a room right next to hers, I headed over to the lift.

“Mia!” I was waiting for the lift when he called my name. “Wait for me,” he said, jogging over to me with a smile. I saw Louis over his shoulder with a smirk, watching the entire exchange.

“Are you with Lou?” he asked as we waited for the lift.

I shook my head. “The room next to hers. Tom and Lux are up there with her.”

Harry nodded. “I wanted to see Lux. I’ll walk with you?”

I smiled and nodded, unsure of what else to do.

“So how are things at home?” he asked as we stepped inside of the lift and the doors slid shut.

I pushed the number 13 and watched as it lit up. “Things are good, I suppose.”

“Still at the bakery?”

I couldn’t stop the scoff that fell from my lips, and then my cheeks heated up. “Unfortunately. Although, I suppose not now, with tour.”

“Is your mum still mad?”

I nodded sadly. “Yeah. Yeah, she is.”

“I’m sorry, Mia. I feel like I could have--”

“It’s not your fault, Haz,” I cut him off, shaking my head. “She’ll get over it eventually. Or she won’t.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I was going to come on tour no matter what. This is what I want. She can either support that, or she can keep quiet.”

He nodded as the lift doors slid open and we stepped out. “The bakery never was your final destination, yeah?” He was smirking at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh a little as we walked down the hall.

“No, it absolutely wasn’t. Taking a page from your book, yeah?” I joked, nudging him gently.

“Hey, I loved the bakery! It was a great job, and I got closer to you because of it.”

I couldn’t say anything to that. When we finally got to my room, I gestured to the door beside mine. “That’s Lou’s. I want to see Lux too, so I’ll be right over.”

I was shocked when Harry shrugged and said, “I can wait.”

I almost dropped my key as I tried to keep my hand steady to open the door. Finally, I was pushing it open and pulling my bags inside. I wasn’t expecting Harry to follow, but follow he did. “Not bad,” he commented as I dropped one of my begs on the bed and rolled the other one in front of it.

I laughed. “Only the best for One Direction, yeah?”

I caught his smirk as I slipped off my leather jacket and set it on the bed. I kept my shoes on and grabbed my keycard, slipping it in my pocket with my phone before turning to Harry. “Let’s go before Lux falls asleep.”

Lou opened the door almost immediately after we knocked, smiling brightly at us. “Come in, Lux is fussy and would probably love the company.”

Harry stuck his hands out and Tom, who was sitting on the bed with his daughter, transferred Lux to his arms automatically. I was used to this by now, because Harry was amazing with Lux, but every time it happened I still couldn’t help by watch in awe for a few moments before looking to Lou. “Ready for tomorrow love?” she asked me and I shrugged.

“I suppose. I can’t believe it’s here already.”

I looked at Harry again, who was smiling at Lux. “It’s going to be great,” he said happily. “Isn’t it Luxy?”

She cooed, which satisfied Harry to no end.

“I swear she bloody loves you more than her own mum,” Lou said, playfully frowning.

We knew she was joking but none of us could deny it, because Lux was completely infatuated with Harry.

I hated how I could relate so well to a bloody toddler.

Tom and Harry were busy talking and entertaining Lux, so Lou took the moment to usher me out in the hallway. “We’ll be back!” she said quickly, not waiting for the boys’ confirmation before clicking the door shut behind her. “What’s happening at home?” she asked me immediately.

I sighed and crossed my arms tightly in front of my chest. “Nothing.”

She rolled her eyes, which reminded me of Loren. She would have done the same thing if I was lying to her. “Is it your mum? Is she still upset? I can phone her if you want--”

“It’s fine, Lou,” I said, cutting her off. “She’ll get over it. In the meantime, don’t worry about it, yeah? I’m fine, everything’s fine.”

She gave me a skeptical look, but nodded. “I’m keeping a close eye on you. I’m like your adopted mum for this tour, so if anything’s wrong you come to me, all right?”

I assured her I would, even if it was a bit of a lie, and then we headed back into her room.