Any Other Heart

When I woke up the next morning, it was due to Louis knocking over the cart room service had brought in. He was having his morning cup of tea, but he apparently hadn’t wanted to turn any lights on, which has resulted in him running into the corner of the cart and knocking off the tea kettle, spilling hot water all over the place.

It would have been funnier, hearing him yell out because he was too bloody clumsy for his own good, but I was tired, it was early, and I wasn’t exactly in the mood.

“It’s too bloody dark in here, it’s like the fucking end of the world outside, and I can’t see a damn thing, and now I’ve spilled water all over, and I think I may have burned myself because apparently the water for my tea needed to be to lava-like temperatures,” Louis ranted, mostly under his breath. I assumed he thought I was still asleep, although how I could have slept through all of that would be a mystery to anyone.

“Turn a light on then, you tosser,” I muttered, sitting up in bed and turning the lamp on beside my side of the bed. I got off the bed and didn’t say a word except for a quick reassurance that I’d be right back, then I left.

I padded over to Lou’s room and knocked quick before she appeared with a smile. “Love! You got in all right then?”

I rolled my eyes and smiled as I followed her into her room. “I got in fine, but Louis somehow ended up in my room, and he just spilled water all over and burned himself. Do you have--”

I stopped short when I saw Harry sitting on the middle of the bed with Lux, smiling at her and cooing like she was his world. My stomach twisted, my heart constricted, and I tried to keep my breathing even. “Oh. Sorry. I just--”

“Nonsense, love. Let me check my bag, I’m sure I have something. Bloody Louis. Needs to be more careful, that one does!”

I laughed quietly and nodded, suddenly feeling very awkward.

While Lou looked, she said, “Why’s he in your room?”

I felt Harry’s eyes on me, but refused to look at him. “Don’t know. He came in last night, just as I was getting ready to sleep. They must have messed up the rooms or something.”

“Found it!” she exclaimed after a few minutes, coming out of the bag with a tube of cream. “Depends on how bad he burned it, but if it’s bad enough run it under cold water for awhile until it stops hurting, ice if you’re feeling up to it. Then pat it dry and apply the cream. If it’s not too terrible, just skip the cold water.” She grinned. “Knowing Louis, he’ll want to be babied no matter what.”

I laughed and nodded, knowing she was right. “When are we heading over to the venue?”

“Soon. Take care of Lou, then come back over and we’ll head over, yeah?”

I told her I would, gave Harry one last look, and then left. When I got back to my room, I found Louis kneeling on the ground, trying to mop up the mess he’d made. He glared at me when I laughed and I shrugged, shut the door, and walked over to him. “Come on,” I said, tapping his shoulder and nodding towards the bathroom.

He followed and took a seat on the lip of the bathtub. “What’s that?” he asked, nodding to the tube in my hand.

“Lube,” I said without missing a beat. It was worth it when I caught the way his eyebrows shot up in surprise. I laughed and shook my head. “Cream to fix your wounds, babe. Thanks to Lou, of course. Now, where’d you get burned?”

He crossed his leg, resting his ankle on top of his knee, and showed off the side of his foot. Sure enough, there were several various bright red splotches and I sighed. “You’re a mess,” I mumbled. “Does it hurt?” I asked. He nodded, frowning down at his foot. I sighed and stood up before I grabbed a small hand towel and wet it with ice-cold water. I returned to my spot in front of Louis and dabbed at the burn.

We were both quiet while I repeated this process several times until the pain subsided. I was surprised Louis was making comments throughout the whole process, but he stayed quiet, watching me as I tended to his wounds.

“Are you gonna come with us to the states?” he asked finally, his voice quiet while I uncapped the cream and squeezed a small amount into my palm.

I sighed, dropping my hands down to my sides and looking up at Louis. Louis, who’d been there for me through everything. Louis who had been willing to listen to me whenever I needed to talk about my Harry crush, then I who had been there for him when Kristen broke up with him. The two of us had been there for each other through so much just in the past year; I hated that that was about to come to an end.

“No,” I said, looking down at my hands. “I’m not. I’m going to talk to Lou today or tomorrow. I just don’t think I can do it, Louis. I want to, and I wish I was stronger so I could, but I’m--I’m just not, I guess.”

“Aye, don’t do that Mia,” he said. “Don’t do that to yourself. You’re only human. I’m certainly not going to judge you if you don’t come with us. It’ll be awful not having my best mate around, but I understand.”

I smiled at him, even though my eyes were burning. “I just can’t do it, Louis. I hate that I can’t, but...” I trailed off and shrugged. “I’m going to see if Lou or Caroline knows of any other jobs I could do, maybe be someone else’s assistant or something with a little more responsibility if I’m really bloody lucky.”

We were quiet as I applied the cream to Louis’s foot. He didn’t say anymore until I finished. I stood to wash my hands off and when I turned around to face him, he said, “You’re gonna be all right, Mia. No matter what happens, you’ll be all right.”

It wasn’t a question, more a statement, so I just smiled and opened my arms. Louis took the hint, stepping forward and pulling me close. I pressed my cheek against his shoulder and screwed my eyes shut, trying to push away the feeling burning the back of my throat.

***

When Lou and I got over to the venue, Caroline was already there with her assistant. The girl was new, but she was doing well. Lou had quickly monopolized my time on tour enough that I couldn’t be doing things for Lou and Caroline and do them well, so Caroline brought out her assistant from home. It was better, maybe a little more crowded but definitely better. I still helped when I could or where I could, but I mostly stuck to hair and make-up.

Once we unpacked and got everything set out, Lou and I went to get some coffee. She had left Harry with Lux, so we had the free time, which meant one thing for me.

I had to talk to her.

We found catering and got ourselves a bit to eat and some coffee and sat down. “What’s on your mind love?” Lou asked, not beating around the bush at all. She knew me too well.

I felt the heat in my cheeks as I ducked my gaze and concentrated on my coffee. “Who says something’s up?”

She chuckled. “Oh babe, I know you better than that, yeah? What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

I sighed and looked up at her. Lou: the one who had taken me under her wing just because Harry had asked; the one who had acted as a second mum to me whenever she could manage it; the one who had my best interests at heart at all times and who had a heart of gold. I hated what I was about to tell her, when she had been nothing but good to me. I chewed on my bottom lip and looked down at my coffee again before I spoke. “I can’t do the North American tour.”

I said the words too fast, so they all jumbled together, which made Lou laugh. “Speak up, love. Can’t be that bad, yeah?”

I sighed again and looked up at her. “I can’t do the North American tour, Lou.”

“Why? What happened? Is everything all right?”

I waved her off so she’d stop worrying, because she’d taken on her motherly tone and I didn’t want her to worry. “I’m fine. I just...” I trailed off and shrugged my shoulders. “It’s going to be summer, yeah? And--God, this is going to sound bloody ridiculous, but I feel like Loren’s going to be joining a lot of the tour and honestly I just feel like I’d be causing more trouble than actually being any help, and I don’t want to--”

“Mia,” Lou said, stopping me in my verbal tracks. “I understand. But I do not, do not, want you to give this up just ‘cause of a shit friend, yeah? You deserve better, love, but you definitely don’t deserve to give up on your dreams just ‘cause of her. That’d be letting her win, yeah? Not fair to anyone.”

I slumped my shoulders. “I just don’t think I can do it, Lou. I thought I’d be okay, but it feels like it’s getting worse. I just don’t want to be a bother, and right now that’s exactly how I feel.”

“Bullocks!” Lou huffed. “That’s nonsense, Mia. You’re one of the most helpful lasses around, yeah? So don’t say that.”

I shrugged. I didn’t know what else to say.

Lou sighed. “Love, I would never make you do something you didn’t want to do. So if you really don’t want to come to the states with the lads, I understand. I’ve talked you up to enough of my mates that I’m sure I could find you another job somewhere, because you may not want to keep touring but you’re good at what you’re doing. I think you could intern with someone and in a year or two go on to uni, have a real career out of all this. If that’s what you wanted, of course.”

I didn’t contain my excitement. I immediately leaped up and hurried around the table to wrap my arms around Lou. We were both laughing while I thanked her over and over again.

“I take that as a yes then, yeah?” she said when I finally pulled away, a smile on her face that I’m sure mirrored my own.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes, a bloody thousand times yes!” I exclaimed, jumping up and down. “Oh Lou, are you sure though? I mean, you’ll need to find another assistant, and--”

She waved me off. “Don’t even think about that right now. I know enough people, I’ll find someone, yeah? No one as good as you I’m sure, but...” she trailed off, throwing a wink my way.

I was so happy and focused on the fact that Lou wasn’t mad and was willing to help me out that I wasn’t thinking about anything else. So when Lou and I made our way back to the boys’ dressing room, I didn’t even see Harry approaching us with Lux in his arms until Lou was cooing and hurrying towards two of her favorite people.

She took Lux and headed into the dressing room with one final glance my way as Harry stepped in front of the door, stopping me from getting anywhere. “Excuse you,” I mumbled, not meeting his eye.

“Can we talk for a minute? Please?”

I sighed and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “What do you want Harry?”

“I just--you’ve been avoiding me and I--just, there’s so much I feel like I have to say, but I can’t.”

I shook my head and looked down at my feet. “I’m not about to do this.” I looked back up and pasted a smile on my face. “I’m fine, Harry. So you can stop looking at me like I’m a mental patient standing on the edge of a very tall building, yeah?”

He released a frustrated noise and shoved his curls off of his forehead--a pointless move, because they immediately fell back in place, like always. “I don’t know what to do.”

I sighed and looked up towards the ceiling, counting to five quick before I looked at Harry again. “There’s nothing for you to do, Harry. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

He shook his head. "Will you be all right tomorrow? Loren's coming to the show."

I sighed. "I don't know Harry. I'll be fine. I have a job to do, which I should--"

I tried to side-step him, but he was one ahead of me. He put his hand on my shoulder to stop me. "Don't take it out on her, Mia. I know this is all a mess, but don't take it out on her. Even if she wasn't in the picture, I couldn't..." He trailed off, his phone going off in the hand that wasn't holding me in place. He glanced down at the screen and groaned. "One minute," he said. "Please?"

I shrugged.

"Hello?" He answered, holding a finger up to indicate he'd just be a minute. "Hi babe. Still good for--yeah, course. Right. No, that's fine." He paused, looking at me with worry in his eyes before saying, "No. No, I haven't. No. I know. Babe, I'm going to--" he stopped and sighed. "All right. I've gotta go. Tomorrow?" He chuckled, looking down at his feet with a smirk, caught up in his conversation. I didn't need to see the caller ID to know who put that smile on his face. "Love you too, babe. Tomorrow." He laughed and hung up, momentarily forgetting I was still there.

Maybe it was ridiculous, but my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach hearing him say that simple phrase. I love you too. They were in love. Loren loved Harry, Harry loved Loren. I think I knew they were on the fast track to love, but hearing him say it to her first hand was enough to throw me off balance completely.

When he caught my eye, I could almost see his brain working to try and remember his name, who I was, or any simple facts he may have forgotten in the past five minutes. His love-sick attitude made me sick. "Loren?" I asked, my friendly tone out the window.

He sighed and stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes. "I have work to do Harry. So if you're done..." I tried once again to step by him, this time succeeding.

When he realized I was leaving, it was like his brain turned back on. "Mia, wait," he said, trying to stop me.

I put my hand up. "Not now, Harry. Work to do, remember?" I went back into the dressing room, prepared to immerse myself in whatever I could to try and forget the twisting in my stomach.