Any Other Heart

The next few days were a blur. It was show after show after show, with a matinee show thrown in for good measure at the end of it all, and I felt like I was going to go completely mental. After three days of going non-stop with hardly a break to breathe even, we finally had a day off that was spent driving to Dublin.

We were staying in a hotel in Cardiff for the three nights we were there and check out was noon, which was a nice change of pace from waking up at the crack of dawn. At various intervals, we all made our ways out of our hotel rooms and out to the buses waiting for us outside.

I was still staying on the boys’ bus, which was nice. It was a little hectic at times, but I enjoyed it for the most part. I was “bonding” with them, as Louis would say, which is exactly what I wanted. I felt like we were falling into a groove and I liked that. Louis seemed to be out of his Kristen-induced funk, claiming things were fine and he was fine and everything was fine, the lads were all accepting me as their mate instead of just Lou’s assistant, and things were good.

Except they weren’t.

I still hadn’t spoken to my mum, I’d only exchanged a few brief texts with my brother, yelling at him for saying anything to my mum in the first place, and Loren was up to her bloody ears in her textbooks studying for exams. We’d only spoken briefly one night when she took a break from studying for a chemistry exam so I could fill her in on everything happening, but it hadn’t been enough. I wanted to tell her how terrible I felt that I wasn’t speaking to my mum, and I wanted to hear her comforting words of advice on the subject that I knew she had. Hell, I even wanted to dissect whatever maybe progress I had made with Harry. Louis could only help so much; I needed someone who knew my situation better than their own, and Loren, as my best mate, was that person.

So when I got on the bus that afternoon, I wasn’t in the greatest mood. I hadn’t slept well, which didn’t bode well for my exhaustion from the long shows, and I wasn’t looking forward to the four and a half hour drive to the ferry that would take us to Dublin.

The boys were outside signing, so I snuck away to my bunk before any of them clamored on. I just didn’t feel like being bothered for a few hours, and I knew if they could see me then they would know something was off and would bug me about it relentlessly until I gave in.

Turned out being alone in my bunk wasn’t much better, because then I was alone in my head and I couldn’t stop thinking.

Eventually I heard the door to the bus open up and the boys file in. “Where’s Mia?” one of them called, so I stuffed my headphones into my ears and turned onto my side so I was facing the wall of my bunk.

I should have known they’d come looking for me. These boys weren’t for privacy really. If they wanted to pull open the curtain to your bunk to see if you were sleeping, they would.

“Miaaaaaa,” Louis practically whined when he pulled the curtain open. “Are you sleeping?”

I rolled my eyes but didn’t turn over. I figured if I ignored him, he’d leave.

“Come on Mia, we’re gonna play a game of Fifa and you have to cheer me on or else I won’t win!”

Again, I stayed quiet.

“Love, what’s wrong?” he asked, his voice quieter and a little more serious. “I know you’re not sleeping, so don’t even try that.”

I turned over and glared at him. “I was trying to sleep, Lou. Jesus Christ.”

He grinned. “Come watch a game, it’ll make the time go quicker. Promise.”

I didn’t say anything, just stared at him with a look that said leave me alone.

He must have gotten the hint, because he sighed. “Fine. Stay in your bunk. Come out if you want.” Then he closed the curtain and finally, left me alone.

I wasn’t expecting to, but I did fall asleep for a little while once the bus started moving. I’d gotten so used to sleeping on something that was moving, it was almost hard to sleep anywhere else.

When I crawled out of my bunk, I found Louis and Niall playing a game of Fifa in the front lounge. They were completely engrossed in the game, Niall sitting on the floor bouncing around like a little kid while Louis was on the edge of his seat, looking about ready to jump out of his skin at a moments notice, so they didn’t even notice me at first.

Apparently it was the end of the game. I wasn’t really paying attention, but with the way Louis jumped out of his seat and bounced around, cheering wildly, while Niall fell to the floor looking like he was in actual physical pain, it was hard not to notice.

“Mia’s my good luck charm!” he cheered before falling onto the couch beside me and planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and wipe my face off in mock-disgust.

“That’s the only way you win, Tommo,” Niall said with a smirk. “You need all the luck you can get to beat me, yeah?”

I watched in amusement as they started to wrestle around, Niall yelping every time his bad knee would hit the ground too hard and Louis being too rough for the small space on the bus, when Harry appeared from the back lounge with a grin on his face.

He sat down beside me and smirked as he nodded his head toward his fellow band mates. “Lou win?”

I laughed and nodded. “How’d you know?”

“Because when he wins he can’t let it go, and Nialler hates losing, so...” he trailed off, shrugging his shoulders. “This is always what happens when Lou wins.”

I nodded my head. That sounded about right.

“Sleep well?” Harry asked, pulling my thoughts from the two boys acting like toddlers in front of us up to him.

I shrugged. “Not really, but I seem to sleep better on the bus than I do anywhere else, which makes absolutely no sense.”

Harry laughed and nodded. “I know. It’s hard to get used to at first, yeah? Sleeping in the bunk?” I nodded. “But then you do, and you’re so used to it that everything else seems off.”

I nodded. “Exactly! Maybe I’ll forgo the hotel rooms from now on,” I joked, earning a laugh from Harry.

“Don’t know if I’d go that far. Showers are nice every once in awhile, yeah?” He nudged my shoulder playfully and I laughed, but on the inside I was losing it.

It was ridiculous, because he hadn’t made any further suggestion or said anything that would make me think otherwise. But the mention of a shower, along with the physical contact, was a little more than my brain could handle. I chalked it up to my ridiculous crush and tried to push it aside, which was proving to be easier with each passing day. It wasn’t like Harry was making inappropriate comments every time I turned around, but sometimes he’d say something or put his hand on my arm or even kiss my cheek in thanks, and I couldn’t help but let my brain fall into overdrive for a few moments, dissecting the moment we shared like it was a frog and I was back in biology in sixth form. So then I’d push it aside, act as if I wasn’t phased, and everything would, theoretically be fine.

I was getting better at it anyways. Or I was trying, which was all I could hope for.

***

After a few more hours on the bus, we got to the ferry, which in itself was hectic enough. They had to get the buses onboard, which we all stayed inside of. Paul said we could get off and stretch our legs once the boat wasn’t docked any longer, and that moment couldn’t come soon enough. I had to pee, my stomach was grumbling, and I wanted some fresh air.

I headed out the second I was allowed and immediately found a bathroom in the upper deck and then the concession area where they were selling overpriced sandwiches with rubbery lunch meat, cold pizza, and bags of crisps. I picked up a bottle of water, a bag of crisps, and a candy bar before paying and once I had my things, I headed to the upper observation deck.

It was empty for the most part, which I blamed on the cold, but I didn’t mind it. I wrapped my jacket tighter around my body, pulled my beanie further down my head, and took a seat, watching the ocean while I enjoyed my snack.

The problem with sitting out on the deck by myself was I, once again, had nothing but my thoughts. I’d left my phone and my headphones in my bunk on accident so I didn’t even have any music to accompany me.

“Just me, myself, and I,” I muttered, shoving my hands further into my coat pockets.

“And me.” I practically jumped out of my skin when I turned and saw Harry looking at me with a grin.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked, putting a hand to my heart. “You practically gave me a heart attack.”

He laughed. “I was getting something to eat with Nialler when I saw you sitting out here all alone, so I figured I’d join you.” He visibly shook and I noticed he wasn’t wearing his jacket. “It’s bloody freezing out here, Mia. What are you doing?”

I shrugged, looking down at my lap. “Just thinking.”

“‘bout what? You seemed a bit off these past few days. Everything all right?”

I sighed. “Just my mum. Again. When isn’t it, though?” I said, the frustration in my voice apparent.

“Haven’t talked to her yet, have you?”

I shook my head and brought my eyes up, looking at the ocean. “No. She hasn’t called again either. I know I need to call her, but...” I trailed off. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Why don’t you tell her everything’s okay, maybe give her an update on the tour?”

I rolled my eyes and looked over at Harry. “The tour is the whole reason she’s not speaking to me right now, Haz. I hardly think she cares.”

He laughed. “She’s your mum, Mia. Of course she cares.”

I sighed and looked away again. “It’s just difficult. I know exactly why she’s mad, but it’s not like I can fix that.”

“Why’s she mad?”

“My dad,” I said, sighing again. “It’s like... she thinks I’m leaving, just like he did, or some bullocks like that.”

“That’s ridiculous, Mia,” Harry said, shaking his head. “Your parents got a divorce. You’re trying to fulfill your dreams. Those are--”

“I know that,” I cut in. “I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t change her mind. It’s like she doesn’t understand that I’m her daughter and I couldn’t leave her if I tried.”

Harry was quiet for awhile before speaking again. “You know, I always thought my mum felt the same way.”

Confusion covered my face. “About what? About you?”

He shrugged and stuffed his hands into his trouser pockets before he looked down at his feet. “I guess. I thought she’d hate me for leaving, even though she never said that. It was hard at first, for me too, because I knew it was just her at home and I hated to leave.”

“Divorced parents suck,” I mumbled.

Harry laughed lightly. “Divorce sucks, but my mum’s pretty great. I think yours is too. You just need to talk to her, yeah? Tell her how you feel, and see how she feels too.”

I knew he was right, and I would. Eventually.

“Sooner rather than later, love, yeah?” he said, bumping my shoulder again and grinning at me.

I laughed despite how heavy my heart felt and nodded. “I will. I’ll call her... tomorrow, maybe.”

“Is that a promise?” he asked, feigning serious.

I rolled my eyes but nodded. “That’s a promise, Hazza.”

“Perfect!” he exclaimed. He stood up then and pulled me with him before wrapping his arm around my shoulder and steering me back inside. “Now let’s head back to the bus, because I think I can’t feel my feet anymore.”

I laughed and nodded and tried not to focus on the way his body heat was transferring to mine, making me a million times warmer in a nanosecond. Just like before, I pushed the thought aside and followed Harry, ignoring the butterflies taking flight in my stomach.