A Better Reality

Today in the field, during free period with Alex, I have no idea what possessed me to make out with him and give him the sign that I was ready to give myself to him. I may have lost my innocence when I was super young to my step father, but that doesn’t mean I’ll just throw myself at anyone.

I was currently hidden away in my bedroom studying for the English test I had tomorrow morning, everyone in my family tried getting me to come out of my room but they weren’t having it. Rian assumed something happened between Alex and me today, but thankfully he kept his distance. I was just going over some of the meanings of colors in The Great Gatsby when I heard a knock on my door.

“Come in,” I said, loud enough so whoever was on the other side could hear me. Rian quietly opened the door and poked his head in.

“Mom made apple pie for dessert. I know it’s your favorite, so I didn’t want you to miss out,” he said with a weary smile on his face as he walked further into my room.

“Thanks,” I told him as I set my schoolwork aside and took the plate from him.

“What are you studying for?” Rian asked as he tried to sneak a peek at my notebook.

“The Great Gatsby test,” I told him through a mouthful of pie.

“Oh yeah, Alex mentioned something about not being able to stay long for band practice because of that test,” Rian noted as he sat down on my bed. I assured him that I heard every word he said but nodding my head. “Speaking of Alex…wanna tell me what happened between you two today?” I put my spoon down midbite and looked at Rian, who had a desperate look on his face.

“Alex is your friend, ask him,” I told him as I went to take a bite again.

“Yeah, but you’re my sister. I wanna hear it from you,” Rian said as he placed a comforting hand over mine.

“I just, things happened that I didn’t want to happen so I left, okay?” I told him, looking down at the ground.

“Fine. I won’t pressure you into talking about something you don’t want to talk about,” Rian said before standing up. “But, if you change your mind you know where I’ll be.”

“Downstairs practicing your magic tricks, I know Rian,” I said to him with a smile on my face. I got back to studying the significance of the green light at the end of the dock when I heard a tapping noise come from my window. I instantly grew scared, because it was nine o’ clock at night and the sound was very constant. I continued to ignore the noise until my phone went off, signaling I had a text message. It was Alex. Great.

Open your window. It’s cold outside.
-Alex

“What?” I muttered to myself before standing up to go look out the window. I pulled the curtain back and sure enough there was Alex, on my roof, smiling at me. I unlocked the window before pulling it open and instantly being hit with a gust of cold wind. “Are you insane? It’s freezing outside and there could be ice on the rood.”

“I’m glad you care for my safety. Are you busy?” He asked as he poked his head in through the window.

“Well, I’m studying for the English test we have tomorrow. So to answer your question, yes, I am busy right now,” I, rudely, said to him

“Okay, I expected that. Can you take 30 minutes away from studying for a test, you know you’re going to ace no matter what, and come talk with me?” He pleaded.

“Why should I? So you can try and have sex with me?” I harshly told him as I stepped away from the window and sat on my bed, pulling my schoolwork into my lap.

“Elle, that’s not what I meant when I said I wanted you to free yourself, okay? And I didn’t mean to take things so far, I’m a teenaged boy with hormones, who is extremely attractive to you,” Alex said as he climbed through my window and crossed my room so he was standing in front of me.

“What is going to benefit from this talk?” I asked him after a few moments of silence.

“Hopefully a step in the right direction into forming a relationship with you,” Alex told me and I couldn’t help but look at him.

“Let me get my coat and shoes on.” As the words left my mouth, Alex smiled at me as he sat on my bed and watched me gather my things. I pulled my brown pea coat on and wrapped my scarf around my neck, I then walked into my closet and pulled on a pair of black combat boots because my UGGS were downstairs and I didn’t want to raise questions.

“You’re going outside, not on a trek across Alaska,” Alex said as he watched me pull my beanie on. I rolled my eyes at him before grabbing my purse and putting my schoolwork in it.

“I’m sorry I don’t want to catch a cold because you’re dragging me out into the middle of a winter, Baltimore night so we can talk,” I told him as I walked over to the window. “Are you ready to go?” I snapped at him.

“We won’t be in the cold, we’ll be in my car that has working A/C now. In plus, I brought blankets,” Alex said as he climbed out of my window. As soon as he has secure footing on the roof, he turned around and held his hands out to me to help me out the window.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this right now. I would never in a million years do this before,” I said, more to myself than Alex.

“I’m glad I can get you to free yourself then,” Alex smugly said as he placed his hands on my waist as soon as I stepped foot on the roof.

“If you’re going to be an ass this entire time, then I don’t want to go,” I told him as I slowly walked across the roof, still latching onto Alex’s hand.

“I’m not the only being an ass, you are too, Eleanor,” Alex said as he brought us to a stop over by the side of the house, where the fence was.

“I am not getting onto that fence. Do you have any idea what kind of injury I could obtain from this, Alex?” I, quietly, hissed at him.

“Would you rather jump then?” He asked as he got his footing on the fence and climbed down. I quickly pondered the idea of jumping, while taking the drop into consideration. We were on the first floor now, so it wasn’t too bad of a jump. “Are you actually considering jumping, Elle?” Alex asked as he looked up at me from his spot on the ground.

“Yes, actually, I am. Do you have a problem with that?” I asked him as I dropped my bag down to him and put the shoulder strap over his shoulder. “Cute purse, Alex.”

“Why are you so sassy all of a sudden? I liked you better when you were shy,” Alex said as he placed my purse on the ground.

“Some people just know how to bring out my inner bitch. Those people being you,” I told him as I crouched down, preparing to jump.

“Please don’t jump, you’ll get hurt. And I won’t be able to catch you because I’m a weakling,” Alex said as he held his hands above him, as if he were to soften my fall. Maybe then I’d accidently knee him in the balls.

“Well then help me down,” I, hissed, at him as I made my first step onto the fence. I felt Alex place his hands on my lower hips and guide me down the fence.

“And you thought you’d get an injury from that?” Alex, sarcastically, said as I quietly followed him until we were safe inside his car. As soon as he brought his car to life, I immediately started fussing with the air vents so the heat was hitting me directly in the face. Before Alex pulled away from the curb he grabbed a blanket from his backseat and handed it to me. “Here, this’ll help keep you warm.”

“Thanks,” I muttered as I watched the houses pass by. A few minutes later and we were pulling into the parking lot of the school and Alex was putting his car in park by the field. “You said we weren’t going to be outside, you said we were going to sit in your car,” I told him as I refused to get out.

“I lied. Now come on, I have like six blankets, you’ll be fine. In plus, if you get cold I can always warm you up,” Alex smugly said as he climbed out of his car. I got out of his car and softly shut the door before jogging the short distance to catch up with Alex. As we got to the entrance of the field, Alex whipped out a flashlight and shined it on the ground so we wouldn’t trip over anything. Once we reached our spot Alex took one of the blankets and laid it down before gesturing for me to sit, once I sat down Alex took a seat next to me and scooted over until we were a few inches apart, but just enough that I could feel his body heat radiating off of him.

“So, when are we going to start this talk?” I asked him, suddenly feeling calmer just by sitting in the field.

“Right now?” He asked, glancing at me and I gave him a nod that meant he could start. “When I told you I wanted to free yourself, I didn’t mean it in any sexual manner at all. I just want you to know that, I’d never in a million years want you to feel uncomfortable. When I was kissing you this morning, it was just hard for me to control myself, and I know you aren’t like most girls. You have self-respect, but something just wouldn’t let me stop.”

“Then what did you mean by you wanted me to free myself?” I asked him, as I looked up at the starlit sky.

“I wanted you to unwind and have fun. Like that night I took you to that party, your first party here, before I left you, I could already tell you were having fun and even as I watched you dance, I could tell you were definitely having fun. I liked that Eleanor, and I wanted to see more of her. You left your old home because of your dark past and you wanted to get away, and I wanted to help you find yourself in a new beginning,” Alex confessed and I could feel his gaze burning a hole in the side of my face.

“Why’d you pick me over Lisa? When Lisa is already a fun-loving girl, she’s your type,” I told him as I turned my body so I was slightly facing him.

“You think Lisa is my type,” Alex said with a small chuckle at the end.

“She isn’t?” I asked him, bunching my eyebrows together.

“Nope. She was easy, and she’s always had a crush on me. She’s the girl I go to when other girls I’m interested in turn me down,” Alex explained as he fiddled with a loose string on one of the blankets.

“I didn’t turn you down though, Alex,” I informed him, and he turned his head so he was looking at me. A smile was ghosting on his lips as he stared at me.

“I know, I was just scared to get into a relationship with you. Just because I do know what your step dad did to you and normally when you hear things like that, you hear the girl is a train wreck who could never love someone or they could but they’d be really sensitive to heartbreak, and I don’t want to do that, break your heart.”

“I’m not going to let what my step-dad did to me, define me. Because if I did, then he wins and that’s the last thing I want,” I told him while an involuntarily shiver went down my spine.

“Are you cold?” Alex asked, noticing my spasm from the weather. I nodded my head and he slid closer to me and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him. “I know that now. It’s just, I’ve been through things too, and you know that, and sadly those things do define me. I’m just scared that we’re two trains, on course for our futures, that eventually will collide and crash.”

“So you’re saying us being together is dangerous in a sense?” I asked him.

“I thought that was the case. But then I really thought about things, my whole life is a train wreck, so maybe I just need another train to hit me and put me back on course.”

“I’m not following,” I told him with a hint of amusement in my voice at the use of his simile.

“I’m a guy who likes to take risks and rebel, right?” He asked and I nodded my head. “Maybe you’re the type of risk I need to take to set my life back on track.”

“But I’m not your type?” I asked him and he quickly gave me a look of disbelief.

“I don’t have a type, girl is my type. I like you, Eleanor, I do. I’ve never met a girl like you, and for some reason I’m incredibly attracted to you. You walk around with the sense of confidence, where you don’t and won’t let people tear you down, and that’s because people don’t know what you’ve been through. Nothing someone says will ever amount to the shit you’ve experienced,” Alex told him as he pulled me a little closer, if that was even possible.

“I’m sorry I ran off today,” I, quietly, told him and I heard him scoff.

“Please, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that’s sorry for pushing you to a limit that you aren’t ready for yet. I’m sorry for the mistakes I’ve already made and I don’t want to screw things up with you. That’s the last thing I want.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Alex. It just takes the stronger people to accept the mistakes they’ve made and it takes the even stronger people to forgive those that made the mistakes,” I reassured him as I pulled the blanket tighter around me.

“Are you that even stronger person that’s forgiving me, the strong person?” Alex asked with a smirk on his face.

“Yeah, I think I am,” I told him while nodding my head.

“So is it okay if I kiss you?” Alex, quietly, said as he looked deep into my eyes.

“Yeah, as long as we don’t let things escalate,” I told him. I watched as Alex leaned closer to me and I shut my eyes as soon as he lips landed on mine. Suddenly I wasn’t so cold anymore, because Alex’s touch electrified me and felt the sun was one foot away from. The kiss only lasted a few seconds before Alex pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine.

“Can we start over again?” Alex whispered and I nodded my head. “Hi Eleanor, I’m Alex!” Alex happily said as he took my hands in his.

“Hi Alex, my step-dad molested me up until I moved in with my dad and step mom!” I told him and he winced before smiling at me.

“My brother killed himself when I was younger,” Alex said and I couldn’t help but giggle at how blunt we were being with our messed up lives.

“What do you say we knock our trains back on course by using the help of one another?” I offered to him, still smiling.

“You’re so goofy,” Alex laughed before placing another kiss to my lips. “Are you still cold?” He asked and I nodded my head as I reached for another blanket. “Here, I have an idea.”

“What?” I asked him as I watched him stand up, taking my blankets with him, and standing behind me.

“You’re going to sit in between my legs,” he simply said as he sat behind me and placed one leg on each side of me and wrapped his arms around my waist before pulling the blankets around us. “Better?”

“Much,” I told him as I leaned into his embrace. We sat in silence for a little while, just staring up at the stars and relishing in each other’s company. “How many stars do you think there are in the galaxy?” I randomly asked.

“I think there’s one star for every person on this planet,” Alex whispered into my ear, causing me to have goose bumps—or maybe the weather was causing my skin to rise.

“Really?” I asked him, turning my head slightly so I could get a peek at his face.

“Yeah, because every person is a star in their own special way,” he said and it brought a smile to my face.

“For someone who doesn’t care about school all that much, you have great insight on things,” I told him and he smiled down at me.

“Thanks,” he said before kissing my cheek.

“It’s getting late,” I, mindlessly, said.

“I know. I don’t want this night to end,” Alex mentioned and it made me smile.

“Neither do I. But we have an English test tomorrow that you need to study for,” I, smugly, told him.

“Don’t remind me. I’m going to fail,” he groaned as he buried his head in my shoulder.

“No you won’t. I know you’ll pass,” I told him and he pulled his head up to look at me.

“Yeah? You gonna let me cheat off you?” He joked as he stood up and held his hands out to me, pulling me up.

“Maybe. If you’re lucky,” I told him as I helped him grab the blankets and walk back to his car.

“I tend to be a pretty lucky guy,” he said as he opened the backseat of his car and threw the blankets in before opening my door and helping me in.

“I’ll try not to cover my paper,” I told him once he got in the car himself. He smiled at me before starting his car and pulling out onto the streets of Towson. The ride back to my house was mainly silent, the only thing making noise was the radio, and it was a comfortable silence. We got back to my house, and I could see all the lights were off, except for the light in Rian’s room. Alex helped me out of his car, and he took my hand as he led me back to the fence where he assisted me in climbing up it. He kept his hands on my waist to ‘protect me’ as we walked along the roof back to my window. Once I climbed in I turned to face Alex who had a smile on his face.

“Goodnight, Elle,” he said as he leaned in to kiss me, but I turned away. “What?” He asked.

“What does this make us?” I, shyly, asked him.

“Well, I plan on holding your hand tomorrow at school and taking you to school. I want to be your boyfriend, but I also want to ask you in a romantic way,” he said, a smile adorning his face.

“So we’re officially unofficial?” I asked him and he let a laugh out before nodding his head.

“Yeah, we’re officially unofficial,” he said before kissing me on the lips goodnight.

“Night, Elle,” he said as he stood upright.

“Night, Alex,” I told him before I watched him slowly walk away. I smiled as I shut my window and changed into my pajamas before falling asleep with a smile on my face.