Fear Itself

The ride felt like it took forever, but that was probably because I couldn’t sit still the entire time. I was practically counting the seconds until we stepped out of the box and into the cool night air. I let out a loud groan as plopped down on the sidewalk, leaning back against brick building behind us.

“Mumbles, I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” I sighed. “It hasn’t even been five minutes, and Dean’s become the king of bullshit mountain!” Avery slowly took a seat beside me, quiet as he fished a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket. “How’s all this affecting you, Mumbles?”

He gave me a shrug as he stuck a cigarette between his lips. “S’alright,” he mumbled. “Not too worried about it.”

I nodded slowly. My voice was soft and low when I turned to him and agreed, “Fair enough.” Before he tucked the cigarettes away, I cleared my throat. “Mind sharing?” A grin flickered across my features just as an amused smile passed over his.

He handed the white stick and a lighter over to me with a smirk. “What would Cassidy say?” he joked, stuffing the box back into his pocket.

“What Dean doesn’t know won’t kill him,” I jested right back, grinning devilishly before I placed the cigarette in my mouth and held the lighter firmly.

“What, I gotta light it for you, too?” Avery chuckled deep in his throat, his voice still rasping a little as he reached for the lighter.

“No!” I protested with obvious insult. “No,” I repeated again with a huff, trying in vain to light the cigarette, but I was barely able to draw a flame for anymore than a few seconds. “I’m an adult, you know. I can do this. I’m married,” I insisted. “Also, I’ve blown up buildings, and I’ve had sex, too.” Avery seemed more than amused. He was grinning and laughing under his breath. “I can light—“ I grunted, huffing, struggling. “—A lighter.”

“Princess, ‘ere,” Avery laughed, taking the lighter from me and lighting my cigarette rather effortlessly. He dropped it in his pocket and shook his head. “You ‘aven’t changed a bit.”

“Rubbish!” I scoffed, holding the cigarette between my fingers. “I have changed! I have!” Avery shrugged his shoulders as if to blow me off, so I leaned toward him and nudged him with my free hand. “I have too!” Narrowing my eyes, I leaned back against the wall and took a drag. “I have.”

“Whatever you say, Princess.” Chuckles still lifted from his throat. “Whatever you say.”

We sat there for a few moments more. We sat until the streets emptied and our cigarettes burned down the filters. It was when we dropped the smoldering ends to the ground that we made our way back inside. Things had seemed to calm down for the most part. Dean was on a far side of the room, talking to Casper by the gun rack. Just as we stepped into the main room, Landon emerged from Sam’s office.

“Thanks, Sam. We’ll talk later,” he said before he left, and the steel panel slid shut behind him. I watched in brief passing as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a glimmering gold chain attached a small, oval-shaped pendant. While it may have been unfair to make assumptions, it looked an awful lot like a locket my mother described owning in her journal: a locket she meant to leave for me when she died. It was more than probably that I could have been wrong, but I saw no harm in asking. After all, Landon had seemed more than friendly before. With this in mind, I told Avery that I would be right back, and I made my way toward Landon with a hesitant smile on my face.

“Excuse me,” I addressed him softly, careful not to startle him. When he looked up, he quickly shoved the necklace back into his pocket.

“Hello, Tali,” Landon greeted me with a smile. “Sam was just helping me get acquainted with the security system. Brilliant work you’ve done, I’ll say. I didn’t think of fingerprints.” His smile widened ever so slightly. “I’m very impressed, especially since you’re only—how old are you?” He began counting on his fingers, but before I could answer, he concluded, “Eighteen. You’re eighteen. Wow, and you’ve reconfigured an entire security system, and you even created a virtual intelligence unit.”

“I’ve got a name, you know,” Alfred protested. His computerized voice echoed around the metal walls.

“He doesn’t know any better, Alfred,” I apologized for Landon, giggling under my breath.

“He’s absolutely fantastic,” Landon marveled. His eyes were agleam as he perused the room. “It’s just been so long… since I’ve been here.” His smile softened until it wasn’t quite a smile anymore. “It really hasn’t changed a bit.”

His voice fell with his face now: both blank and quiet. Still quiet and gentle, I asked, “That locket you’ve got… was that my mum’s?”

Landon drew his head back a little and blinked at me. His lips were parted just enough for me to catch a glimpse of yellowed teeth, and his head shook a little when he finally processed the information. “No,” he quickly snapped. “It’s not.”

“Sorry to offend,” I apologized softly. “It just looks an awful lot like one that she mentioned… I don’t know, she wrote that she had left one behind for me, and I don’t have anything of my mother’s except for a picture I stole from the attic when I was nine.” I paused, glancing down at my feet and shrugging. “I just thought I would ask.”

“Well, it’s not hers,” Landon huffed. “And if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got something to take care of.” Landon pivoted rather abruptly and trudged toward the elevator chute, eventually disappearing into the darkness. The steel door slid shut in front of him, leaving me staring at my own disappointed reflection.

“That’s fine,” I murmured. “Finders, keepers, I suppose.” As my heart shrank in my chest, I slowly turned to see Avery standing just a few feet away. Desperate not to seem affected, I tried to smile, but it didn’t feel like I did anything except press my lips together. “Do you want to go back to my room?” I inquired, clasping my hands together in front of me. “I think I feel like doing some reading.”

That couldn’t have been more of a lie. I didn’t want to read, didn’t want to do much of anything, really. All I wanted to rest my head on somebody’s shoulder and tell them about how hopeless everything was feeling. Not just Landon and the locket, but everything. I wanted to pour my heart out to anyone who would listen to me wallow over my mother’s belongings and the fact that my husband was acting like an absolute and total stranger, somebody I barely recognized at all. I was hoping desperately that Avery would come with me as he usually did, but his deep chestnut eyes were set elsewhere: the elevator.

“Maybe later, Princess,” he grumbled, already turning toward the now empty chute. “Got somethin’ to take care of.”