Fear Itself

I didn’t know how much time passed. I didn’t know how long we sat there or how long I had drifted off before I felt Avery moving his shoulder, jostling me awake. “Hey, Princess,” he murmured, glancing me. I felt his hand grip my shoulder and shake me a little until I lifted my head, blinking the sleep out of my eyes. I stared for a moment, squinting, until his face became clear in my vision again.

“Hmm, what?” I asked, still groggy from my nap.

“It’s dark out,” he told me, nodding up toward the sky. My eyes drifted upward until they fell upon the deep, midnight blue casted over the city. A smile formed faintly on my lips when I looked upon the stars for the first time in person. They were just as beautiful as I had always imagined they’d be, if not more. They sparkled and danced above me in all their majesty. It truly felt like staring up into the universe; I was starting to realize that I was no longer stuck inside my bedroom, watching from my window. “We should go,” Avery added quietly.

My face fell a bit, and I brought my head back to face him. It wasn’t safe here during the day, and it certainly wouldn’t be safe at night. “We need to go back, I know,” I replied with quiet melancholia, trying not to showcase the sadness and disappointment I was feeling. We both rose to our feet, but I heard Avery give a breathy laugh. I looked to him inquisitively.

“Not quite yet,” he told me, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’ve got to go somewhere else real quick first.”

“Okay,” I agreed, not sure of where we were headed, but I was excited at the prospect of getting to stay out in the city for just a little while longer, so I was quick to follow when we walked. We cut across town, and I made sure to pay attention this time. I watched the buildings and the streets as we passed. Town was noticeably more empty at this hour; I couldn’t blame them. It hadn’t even seemed inviting during the light of day, but there was something tranquil and almost beautiful about the absence of people. London could have been nice, I thought. It wasn’t the town that was ugly: it was the people, and the town didn’t make them the way they were. Society did. The city of London was a cruel one, even I knew that, and I had only been there for a few hours now.

But in the dead of night, the city was quiet, and that, for some reason, seemed very nice to me.

I followed Avery to a small alleyway between buildings, and we stood in front of a rickety, rusted, old fire escape. He took hold of the ladder and began to climb, but he looked back at me. “Follow me,” he said quietly, and I took off up the ladder after him, but he paused. “Also, don’t ever hang out in alleys.” I nodded, giggling softly before we continued our way up the structure, climbing all the way to the top. He gave me a hand at the end, grabbing my wrist and hoisting me over the ledge and onto the level roof of the building. The stars shined even brighter from up here.

“Wow,” I muttered in awe, still looking around above me. “The stars are lovely.”

Avery sat against a metal structure, perhaps a heating or cooling vent of some kind. “I come up here every year,” he told me as he lit the cigarette hanging from between his teeth. He took a drag, and I watched as smoke drifted upward into the night air, catching in the breeze and traveling east.

“To look at the stars?” I asked curiously, eyes still fixed above me.

“No,” he replied succinctly. “The fireworks,” Avery added, flashing me a bit of a smile, almost like he expected my face to light up the way it did: mixed with shock, excitement, and gratefulness.

“The fireworks—” I began to say, but I was cut off by an explosion of sound and light from behind me. I whirred around, and bursts of color were decorating the sky, off in the distance, but they felt so close to me. Streams of light and smoke shot into the sky, a high-pitched whir following behind them until they popped, exploded, and expanded in dazzling shades of reds, yellows, blues, and everything else I could have ever imagined. The lights grew larger and larger until they fizzled and faded, falling to charred ash into the sky, but more followed soon after to replace them.

I found myself rushing forward, running to the edge. “Princess, don’t fall,” I heard Avery warn from behind me, but I could only laugh. This was magical. It lasted a whole ten minutes, but those were the best ten minutes of my life, and I ranted and raved above how magnificent it all was all the way back to the tunnels. I wasn’t een upset to return back. Glee had overtaken me, and everything felt marvelous, even the foul stench of the tunnels and the dreary gray color of the base we entered afterward. It was still abandoned and empty, so I followed Avery back into his room and hopped back on his cot, watching him gather a few things from the crate beneath for a moment, which took me from my rambles and back to the real world.

“Hey,” I blurted out. “Are you going somewhere?” Genuine concern erased all the excitement. He couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to be alone again, but it seemed like Avery had plans other than babysitting me this evening.

“Got somewhere to be,” he replied without much explanation. He stood up and patted his pockets down, making sure that he had everything he needed. I looked up at him sadly, and he sighed a little. “I’ll be back,” he told me, but I didn’t feel anymore reassured until he added, “Promise, Princess.” I smiled faintly with the hope that maybe he would only be a short while. “Now, stay put,” Avery told me before leaving. Now, all I could do was sit and wait for him, hoping he would return soon.