Fear Itself

The room was spinning above me. My eyes squinted and tried to focus on the sky, but everything looked like it was melting together like watercolor paints, and my whole body hurt. I didn’t know if I was dizzy from physical exhaustion or the fact that Harley had literally just knocked me on my ass. Well, she hadn’t done so directly. I suppose gravity had done that when it yanked me clear off the tree I had been instructed to climb. Everything had been going so well until I misstepped just once and then, splat. I landed clear on the ground, and even though I was laying among the soft, lush grass of what the locals called “Paradise Gardens,” the sunlight and smell of flowers did nothing for the aching throb in my head. I groaned a little as brown hair dangled from above me, and Harley leered down.

“Really, cupcake?” she pleaded. “You’re killing me here.” I couldn’t formulate words, and all that left my mouth was some disgruntled whine. She reached her hand down to me. “We’ve been at this for two days,” Harley sighed as she yanked me to my feet. She stared at me, waiting for answer, but all I did was rub my head and try to focus. Harley shook her head and muttered, “This is going to be interesting.”

I grinned sheepishly at her, and she tugged me back over to the tree. “Look, cupcake, remember rule number one: focus.” She let go of me and looked at the tree for just a moment before leaping at it, clinging to the bark with the grip and grace of a jungle cat. In about three motions, Harley managed to scale the entire tree, and she sat on a sturdy branch, staring down at me expectantly, while I just stared up in utter shock and disbelief that she had climbed the entire tree with such ease, and I had been trying for at least an hour.

Gripping my fear by the throat and practically strangling it, I tried to see myself leaping at the tree in similar fashion. It seemed simple enough, so I took a few steps back and put my eyes on the trunk. I took a running start, but I misjudged my path. My foot collided with a large root extended above ground, and I slammed into the trunk almost face-first, sending me once more back to the ground. Harley sighed and swung down from her perch helped up. “Now, this is just sad,” she commented.

This was only the first day of training I had with Harley since our initial meeting just two days ago, and she had been right. She really was handing my ass to me. She had done it that night, and she was doing it now. We had been at this nearly all day, and the morning started rather abruptly when she charged into my room and dragged me out of bed by the ankles. Thus, began a day of trials and tribulations, most of which ended in physical injury on my part. We began bright and early with what Harley had called “agility training,” which really just consisted of me standing in the dried up bottom of the canal while Harley pelted rocks at me and told me to duck.

“Focus, cupcake!” she yelled from some feet away as she continued pelting rocks of various sizes at me. “Balance and flow are the keys to victory!”

No, they weren’t. They were the keys to getting hit with rocks. “Stop it!” I shrieked, trying to move, but ultimately just flailing around and flinching while rocks collided with every inch of my body, no doubt leaving bruises scattered all over my skin.

“Oh, don’t be afraid of it!” she yelled back at me, stilling throwing the godawful things. Eventually, just closed my eyes and shielded my face with my forearms. I kicked blindly, and I heard Harley grunt, and the rocks stopped.

“Really?” she sputtered, chuckling. “In the stomach? You weren’t even looking!” I gave her a sheepish grin and lowered my arms. Harley groaned. “Oh, what in the world am I going to do with you?”

After that incident, she tried really hard to try and get me to swim in the lake at the edge of the gardens, but I told her absolutely not. In fact, I kicked and screamed and flailed until she gave up on that one because there was no way in hell I was going to just dive headfirst into water like that, especially when I had no idea how to swim. I was terrified I would drown, and I nearly cried, so Harley quickly trashed that idea and moved on.

Harley’s training was harsh. There were too many times during that day that I thought I was going to lose my life. Breath didn’t come easily, especially when my lungs were incapable of sustaining me through such strenuous activities. My body was in complete and utter pain, practically physical anguish, and numerous times through the day, I started rattling of a list of people I’d need to say goodbye to in my head should I die. That’s how awful this was. I suddenly found myself wishing that I had done more with my time alone than reading and eating.

We sparred several times that day, and she absolutely demolished me every time. I was dripping sweat, absolutely terrified of this woman. Harley was a hard ass in every sense of the word. She didn’t even hesitate to deliver a blow to my face, even though she hit me lightly. Harley said that my enemies would hit harder and that they wouldn’t hesitate to knock me out cold. Even so, it was hard to keep my balance, and every blow sent me stumbling, often straight back into the ground. I was failing miserably.

My aim was also miserable; we found discovered that today too after Harley had me throwing rocks at a tree, trying to teach me how to use my surroundings as weaponry. A well-aimed rock would deliver substantial damage, she had told me, and that made enough sense. The only problem was that I was off the mark almost every single time for the entire hour that we spent trying to get me to learn how to aim properly, and then we promptly gave up on that little venture soon enough.

As if those weren’t enough, even after the tree incident, it was the run that killed me. We jogged the course of a few miles, from what she told me, and they were the worst few miles of my life. My feet had healed up rather nicely from what I could feel; my heels didn’t totally ache and pulse with pain when I stepped, which was a nice change. It was the overall strain of the run that had me feeling dizzy and light-headed. It took mere seconds for my vision to blur and my body to collapse, and Harley actually had to double back to lift me back up. “Maybe that’s enough for one day,” she told me soothingly as she helped me to my feet. All I could do was give her a dazed nod, and I let her lead me back to the tunnels, where I shut myself back in my room.

I dug through Avery’s crates and ate a rather overwhelming amount of stale cornflakes before I grew tired of stuffing my face. I dug through the crates again out of sheer boredom. I found nothing new, really, though I stumbled upon a roll of red tape I had missed the first time around. It was buried deep in the corner behind another box of cereal, and the tape seemed perfect to decorate our room with. Now that Avery and I were proper housemates, it was time to divvy up the space.

The tape started pressed against the wall, and as I unraveled the spool, I pressed my thumb against the tape, sticking it firm to the wall and pressing it into the corner when I switched angles and began to stick the tape all the way across the floor, dividing the room perfectly in half. I tore the tape with my teeth and tossed it back under Avery’s bed as I looked over the room, admiring my work with a proud smile. “Perfect!” I chirped, clapping my hands together twice softly.

I laid on the floor and began doing crunches to pass the time, hoping to bulk up, or at least build stamina, before my next session of hell with Harley. I had counted to about forty when the door creaked open, and my head turned when I heard the familiar grumble of, “What’re you doin’, Princess?”

I practically leapt to my feet. “Mumbles!” I exclaimed, stumbling a bit as I scrambled to my feet. “Oops,” I giggled, regaining my balance. “I redecorated!” I shouted with utter glee, throwing my arms out to my sides. “Do you like it?”

He didn’t answer me straight away. He took a few moments to look around the room. I thought I smelled blood again, but I ignored it. It was nothing new at this point, anyway. He grumbled a bit as his eyes scanned over the tape. I watched as he walked over to it, and he got down real close to it to scratch at the end. I watched in horror as he began to peel the tape straight off the wall, lifting his arm and tugging all the way to the end. He crumpled the remainder up in his hand. “No.”

Huffing, I sat down on my cot and folded my arms over my chest. “That was mean, Mumbles.” He didn’t care. Avery just continued about his business, shuffling around in the pockets of his jacket. He pulled out a wad of cash and shuffled through the bills, counting them quietly to himself. “Hey,” I interjected. “How do you get that money?” I asked him.

“Odd jobs,” he murmured. He shoved the cash into a black, leather wallet, which was tucked safely pack into the pocket of his jeans.

“Hm,” I replied with a nod, letting the air fall quiet again. After a moment or two, I asked, “Can you take me home?”

Avery grumbled, looking over his shoulder to me with a perplexed expression. “What?”

“Can you take me home?”

“You mean, you haven’t been home yet?” he asked gruffly.

I shook my head quickly, and I heard Avery heave an exasperated sigh. “In the morning,” Avery responded quietly. “I’ll take you home in the morning.”

A grin spread over my face, and I chuckled. “Thank you!” I squealed. “We’ll have so much fun. I can’t wait to see the woods during the day, maybe they won’t be so scary then. Oh! Maybe we can stop and get food again, that was exciting. Or maybe you can stay over for a bit, and my father can make us lunch, he’s a lovely cook, and I’m sure that—“

“Princess,” Avery interjected.

Blinking, I smiled. “Yes, Mumbles?”

“Go to bed.”

The smile barely faded from my lips when Avery turned the lights out. I curled up in my sheets, and I tried to sleep in silence, but I couldn’t keep myself from rolling onto my side, trying to see Avery through the shadows. “But really, Mumbles,” I continued. “It’d be totally fun if you stopped home with me and stayed for lunch because we don’t ever get to have company, and I think that maybe it’d be nice for my dad to see other people too. Not to mention, it’d be nice for me to see some people, I just—“

“Princess,” Avery grumbled from the other side of the room, clearly annoyed.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Bed,” he commanded, done with the conversation, so I did my best to stay quiet when I rolled back over to face the wall and willed myself to sleep.