Fear Itself

The fact that Avery rushed me out like that didn’t sit well with me. In fact, I was a little frustrated that my time with Alex was cut short; I couldn’t argue. Avery wasn’t one you wanted to argue with. He would win every time, and that was it. Not that I knew first hand. He just seemed like he was scary when he yelled, and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end, ever. Instead of making some snippy comment like I felt inclined to, I kept my mouth shut. I took to reading the book Alex let me borrow as we walked, trying to ignore the silence. I could hear fallen leaves and twigs crunching under our boots, and I could hear the sound of Avery’s breathing. My eyes drifted upward, looking at Avery. He didn’t look back. His hands were shoved in the pockets of his jeans, brushing back the sides of his jacket just enough that they stuck out. A gust of wind rustled through the woods, and in it’s wake, the jacket pocket opened just enough that I could see the shine of a black leather wallet.

I hadn’t been practicing, even though Avery told me to, and it looked like Avery had made himself an easy enough target. I would just snatch the thing and give it right back with no harm done. Maybe I could even slip it back to him, and he’d never know the difference either way. Quietly, I inched just closer, trying to make it look like I was still focused on the open pages in my hand. My fingers barely brushed the fabric of the pocket, and out it came. Like taking candy from a baby. I swiftly hid it between the pages of my book and opened it, suddenly too curious to just toss it back like I had never taken it in the first place. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary until I noticed he had about seven different identification cards with different names (I thought for sure one of them would have said Greg, but apparently, the name was not as common as I originally suspected).

One gentle motion pulled open the center, where a copious amount of cash was stored along with what looked like a photograph. After glancing up to make sure he wasn’t paying attention, I lifted the thing out just a tiny bit, still safely hidden behind the pages of the book. It was a nice picture, I thought, of a woman with dark chestnut hair, standing at about average height (still shorter than me). Her eyes were crinkled up in the corners, mouth fixed open in a hearty grin. She was laughing. She was happy. I glanced to Avery and caught the resemblance. The photo was torn in half, but I thought I saw the corner of someone else’s lips, an arm, and a leg in a torn fragment. It was clearly sentimental, something that meant a lot to him. After all, he wouldn’t have kept it in his wallet if it wasn’t important. That was why I kept those two photos in my backpack: the one me and that boy from when I was baby and the one of my mother in front of that strange red police box.

For once in my life, I honestly felt like I was snooping. Suddenly apologetic, I tucked the photo back inside, and I closed the thing. I wanted to slip it back into his pocket, but before I could grasp the thing in my hand, Avery stopped. “Best be off,” he muttered to me, nodding up toward my house.

“Um,” I muttered, chewing my bottom lip, afraid to look up. When I did, I saw Avery looking at me with confusion. “Um, Mumbles, I… um,” I stammered, fidgeting. I didn’t want him to be angry. Maybe he would just be pleased that I had improved, pat me on the back, and send me off. Perhaps in a dreamworld, that would have happened. Instead, I grasped the wallet and slowly held it out to him. His look of shock took mere moments to contort into pure anger. I could see it burning behind his eyes.

“You took that?” he asked through gritted teeth, voice louder than I’d ever heard it before. He snatched the thing back and shoved it immediately from my pocket.

“Yes, but I didn’t look at anything, I swear,” I lied hurriedly. He knew I lied. Disbelief flashed through the anger for a split-second.

“You think I’m stupid?” he asked incredulously, eyebrows raised.

“No, never, I—“

“Why are you tryin’ to lie to me, then? I seen the way you are,” he hissed. “I seen how you go through everything you can get your pretty little hands on, even when it ain’t your business.”

I didn’t understand why he was mad. I didn’t think I had ever upset somebody by going through their things. Even when I had broken into my father’s office, he just told me that those were his, that he didn’t want me going through them, not that I shouldn’t be going through them. “Mumbles, I didn’t realize—“

“No, I think you know exactly what you do, and what you can get away with,” he chuckled condescendingly. “I let you get away with a hell of a lot. You went through my things once, ripped apart my phone, tried to divide up my own goddamn room. You follow me around like some lost pet, and I let that slide, but this, no.” He shook his head and he began to back up. “I’m finished with this.” He turned his back to me and began to walk back toward West London.

“Mumbles!” I shouted out, hoping maybe he would stop, maybe he would turn around. He didn’t he kept walking, and he didn’t look back. Shamefully, I turned back to the house and returned to captivity. I locked every door on the way in, even my bedroom door using a paperclip I had taken off the kitchen counter on the way in. I set my backpack down and shoved it under the bed after I let Ralph out, making sure it was concealed in the midst of boxes and storage bins. I would never forgive myself if my father found Alex’s book and threw that away… just as I was finding it hard to forgive myself for taking Avery’s wallet.

Only mere minutes later, my father arrived home from work. Almost immediately, he came upstairs and unlocked the door to find me sitting on my bed. “Tali, I’m sorry, but I’ve been called away on urgent work, and I need to be Moscow before the evening’s end,” he explained exasperatedly. “I’m going to unlock this door so you can eat, okay? Can I trust that you’ll behave?” I nodded solemnly, trying to hide the feeling of defeat plaguing me. “Good girl,” my father whispered before kissing me on the forehead. Just as quickly as he arrived, he left. The car sped back down the street, and I thought that this provided a rather nice opportunity.

With my father gone for the evening, I was free to return into town. Maybe I could find Avery and apologize to him. I didn’t see any other way to forgive myself, and I knew that unless I told him how sorry I was, I’d never find sleep tonight.