Fear Itself

I didn’t know how long we walked for, just that I was still able to breathe, just that I was going to be okay now. We were quiet, mostly because Avery was always quiet, and it was already hard enough to breathe without trying to talk. I dropped my head against his shoulder and wheezed into the oxygen mask. “What happened to Alex and Sam?” I asked him.

“Don’t worry,” he grumbled. “They’re fine.”

“They’re okay?” I continued.

“Garret an’ Larson came too,” he told me.

“Okay,” I sighed. “That’s good.”

“Princess,” he rasped. “Stop talkin’, an’ worry ‘bout your breathin’, would you?”

Instead of answering him, I just kept my head on his shoulder as he took me down backstreets I had never seen before. After a bit, I couldn’t keep myself quiet any longer. “Mumbles,” I puffed. “Where are we going?”

“Tunnels,” he mumbled.

“But they’re gone,” I wheezed.

“Not all of ‘em,” he explained.

“I don’t…” I stopped to wheeze. “…Understand.”

“Princes, stop talking,” Avery chided. I listened to him, for about a moment, at least my breath came easier, just a little.

“Mumbles,” I said quietly. My voice cracked. “Mumbles, I saw mum die.” I blinked out a few tears. “I watched her. In that chair.” I took a deep breath. “She died in that chair.” He was quiet for a bit, very quiet, even as I rested against him, whimpering and wheezing.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

“I don’t know,” I told him.

“You don’t feel nothin’?” he asked.

“No,” I replied. “Nothing at all.”

“Princess,” he said slowly. “You do know what just ‘appened, don’t you?”

“No,” I told him simply. “Nothing happened. Nothing at all.”

He shook his head softly, and we kept walking on through the night. “Princess, you were just in League Towers,” he told me. There was quiet again, and my eyes filled with tears.

“No,” I argued, fighting my sobs. “No, I wasn’t, Mumbles, don’t lie.”

“I’m not lyin’,” he assured me.

“Stop it,” I sputtered, wheezed. “It was just… it was a very bad dream, Mumbles.”

“Then, why’re you breathin’ funny?” Avery asked. I didn’t have an answer, just sat there and breathed. “It ‘appened,” he told me. “But you’re okay.”

It wasn’t until we actually made it back to the ruins of the base the panic set in. My breathing picked up. “Mumbles, no,” I said. “No, we can’t be here, no, they’ll be here looking for me.” I wanted to kick, wanted to squirm, but I couldn’t. No matter how hard I tried, nothing moved. I just stayed like that: limp and pathetic.

“It’ll be fine,” he grunted. “Your boyfriend’ll be ‘ere to get you soon ‘nough, anyway.”

“Dean’s coming?” I asked. “What about you?” He didn’t answer me. “Mumbles,” I pressed. “What about you?” Still just quiet. “Will you answer me, please?”

He carried me back into the base, at least what wasn’t demolished. A few rooms still stood, and he took me back into the closest one. He set me down on the floor, back propped against the wall with the small machine seated beside me. “Mumbles,” I wheezed. “What’s going on?”

“Nothin’, Princess. I already told you,” he explained, paying little attention. “You’re gon’ be just fine.” He shuffled out of the room, probably looking for ours or maybe what remained of it. He came back with my backpack in hand. Slowly, I slumped over and began to slide down the wall.

“Mumbles,” I squeaked, but he wouldn’t even look at me. “Mumbles, where are you going?” Tears started to fall, and I started to feel shaky. I wanted to reach for him. I could feel my fingertips stretch just a little. With all my might, I tried to move for him, but I only rolled onto side, laying on the floor. “Mumbles,” I wheezed. “Mumbles.” I kept asking for him, even if it was just to help me off the floor, but he wouldn’t even look back, and I didn’t know why, and it hurt. I stayed there with my arm laying against the cement floor, trying to reach him because my fingertips could brush the floor, and I could feel something for the first time in hours.

Footsteps thudded across the cement outside, growing closer every second. Avery’s eyes drifted back. He came back and gently sat me up. “Bye, Princess,” he murmured. Dean practically flew in the doorway.

“Hey,” he greeted us breathlessly, still dressed in uniform. He didn’t know where to look: me or Avery. Avery rose to his feet and handed Dean my backpack.

“What do you mean ‘bye,’ Mumbles?” I choked through a sob.

“She’ll be needin’ that,” Avery said, and he walked right out the door. Dean even watched him with a perplexed looking on his face. All I could do was cry. Dean shook the confusion off in seconds, but I couldn’t shake off the ache in my chest because one of the only two people I really trusted just walked out on me and made me watch them do it. That was worse than any torture I could have imagined.

Dean slung the backpack over his shoulder and knelt beside me. “Hey,” he said softly. “Are you okay?” he asked me, running a hand over my head.

“I don’t know,” I sobbed. “I can’t feel anything, and… and I’m scared, and I just—“ Dean wrapped his arms around me.

“Sh,” he hushed me. “Stop crying. Breathe,” he told me. “Breathe.” I kept crying, couldn’t stop. I was hurt, and I was terrified. He held me closer to his chest. “Hear my heartbeat?” he asked gently.

“Yes,” I cried softly.

“Match your breathing to that,” Dean said. “Slow.” I tried. I made an honest effort. It wasn’t perfect, but I was doing more breathing than choking and sobbing now. “That’s it,” he cooed quietly.

“Muscles,” I murmured. “Help me.”

“I know,” Dean sighed quietly. “We’ll get you out of here. C’mon.” He scooped both me and the respirator up his arms, and he did his best to cradle me when I couldn’t hold onto him. “We’re gonna take you back to my house, okay?”

“Okay,” I whispered. “It’s safe there, right?” I asked him quietly, still wheezing into the respirator.

“Very safe,” he assured me as we left the base. “I won’t let anything happen to you there, I promise.” It was a short walk back to where he parked his car. It wasn’t a car that I recognized. Granted, I had only been in one of his cars before. It looked like an SUV, at least from pictures I had seen. The trunk popped open, and he gently set me down in the space behind the back seat. “I’m sorry that you have to lay back here, but we can’t let anybody see you,” he explained softly. “We’ll be home soon. Just hang tight, Blondie,” he said before he leaned in to kiss my forehead. I watched him in silence as he pulled the door down and walked around to the front seat.

The engine revved, and we drove for a while. I just laid in the back, wheezing, eyelids fluttering as I tried to stay awake. I hadn’t regained much feeling, so I got a little bit jostled by the bumpy West London roads, but things got smoother as the car began to stop. The car window rolled down, and I wanted to see what was happening, but I couldn’t move to see it. “Evenin’, officer,” Dean greeted whoever was approaching the car.

“Oh,” the man replied. “Mr. Cassidy! Go right on through. Good evening to you as well.” I heard the window roll back up, heard some gates creaking open like old, rusted metal. We began to drive again. “Don’t worry, Blondie,” Dean assured me. “Everything’s fine.”