Fear Itself

Dear Thalia, my sweet little girlie,

Although you won’t remember anything about me, I want you to know how very much your mommy loves you. I died when you were only three months old. Leaving you is the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do. You are so very special to me, my sweetie, you are truly a gift.

The best day of my life was the day you were born. I’ll always remember the first time I saw you. The way you settled in my arms and fell right to sleep. And then we brought you home… and you screamed and cried through the night. But you never needed anything. You just wanted your mommy and daddy. You were a very loved little girl, Tali. You need to know that.

Every time I saw you smile, my heart would just melt. Everything about you was so perfect. Your blonde, wispy little curls and your big blue eyes… just like your father. I loved that you had his eyes. I always thought they were the most beautiful eyes I’d ever seen. You’re my sweet little girl. My life wasn’t complete until you were born, and I can’t express how sorry I am that I can’t be there to watch you grow up.

But remember, darling. I’m not gone. I’m always here with you in your heart and in your soul. I will always be smiling down on you and guiding you. You’re so very lucky to have such a wonderful Daddy to take care of you. Make sure you’re good for him, and help him out whenever you can. Always remember to say please and thank you, and be thankful for everything that you have because there are always people in the world who don’t have it as good as you do. Never forget how important and special you are to so many people.

Don’t listen to the whispers. Don’t ever believe a person who tells you that you mommy was a traitor or that your daddy was a bad man. We are both fighting for things that we believe in, even they’re on opposite sides. I won’t ask you to align yourself with either one of us. That’s something you’ll decided on your own when you’re older. Just know that your father is a man with incredible resolve and determination, a man worth respecting, even if you disagree with what he’s fighting for. And vice versa. Respect me even if you choose to side with the League. This isn’t an argument you need to involve yourself in. It doesn’t matter that mommy and daddy didn’t agree. All that matters is that we loved each other and that we love you.

Your daddy and I love you so very, very much. When you get older and start school, do your best and try to learn as much as you can about the world you live in. You’ll be good at that. I can already see how much you love exploring. You grab at everything you can; you’re already so curious. School will be your favorite place in the world. Stay there as long as you can, Tali. Stay there and learn. Learn everything you can. Ask your father when you have questions; he will teach you everything under the sun if you desire it.

But what I cannot stress enough is compassion. Compassion is the most important thing in the world, Tali, and I hope that one day you will truly learn what it means to care about others. I hope that you will under that compassion can save this world. Always be kind and caring to others, even when they’re different from you on the outside: we’re all the same on the inside, Tali. Never let someone’s appearance frighten you. If you can be compassionate, you will find that the world will be kind to you.

When things aren’t going your way, never forget that life has a funny way of working things out. There will always be bumps in the road, darling. Don’t let them break you. I know the world has marvelous things in store for you, and I know that you will be able to touch many people. These people may not be as strong as I know you are, Tali. Be their guiding light. Always trust your instincts. Question everything, but do it with a smile on your face. Even in dark times, you must be strong because you can spread that light and hope to others when they need it the most.

When you read this, you may cry. If you’re anything like me, all you’ll want to do is cry. You’ll cry and cry and cry, and you won’t think you can stop until you’ve cried yourself straight out of tears. You’ll lose your faith in humanity. You’ll wonder why I died, why you didn’t. You’ll wonder who assigned this awful fate to you, and you won’t believe for a moment that things are going to get better. But they will. I promise you that much, Tali. They will.

There are still so many things I want to teach you, and I hoped to be able to pass this wisdom along throughout the course of your childhood. But I can’t. I’ll have to try to sum it up now. I don’t have many valuables to leave behind for you Tali, but I can leave you values (which are always more important than valuables, always remember that). Approach the world with wonder instead of fear. One of the greatest men I knew did this: he didn’t condemn anything. He embraced it for what it was and tried to learn from it. Never allow your fear to cripple you, Tali. It will keep you from doing great things.

You have such a bright and beautiful future ahead of you, Tali. Have fun. Enjoy it, and always remember that your mommy loves you.

With very much love,
Mommy