Fear Itself

I felt dazed, suddenly. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion while I wanted was for time to speed up. Through the glass panes, I saw Eden in a tea-length dress. The bodice was the same soft blue color as my shoes. The skirt was made of white tulle, speckled with blue fabric flowers. I saw her scurry over to the side of the paved path running through the garden and yank out a patch of flowers. A frantic Gabe chased behind her and quickly carried her back out of view.

“Princess,” Avery murmured, startling me a little. My head snapped to him, mouth slightly agape when he extended a bouquet of blue and white roses all tied to together with a blue satin ribbon. “Chandler left these.” I took them in my hands and nodded, staring at them. “Princess,” he mumbled again. “You okay?”

I glanced up to him, pasting a forced smile onto my face. “Yeah,” I assured him. I flexed my fingers and curled them around the bouquet. Breathing deep, I tried to shake off the stillness I felt, and my smile melted into something a little more natural. Even so, I felt faint and twitchy. “Mumbles, I’m getting married,” I stammered. “Oh my goodness.” I felt shaky, wobbly, and uneven. I felt like if I took one step, I would fall straight over, and I would break my ankle, and then the wedding would have to be canceled and oh—there was the music.

“You’re gonna be just fine, Princess,” Avery assured me. “C’mon.” We linked arms and he cautiously led me out the door, down the steps, and onto the paved path. Just around the bend, the path fell straight, and it was a one-way course to where Dean and Chandler stood in a gazebo, lit up with strings of decorative lights. Dean wasn’t paying attention; he was talking nervously to Chandler and fidgeting with his suit jacket. The path was lined on both sides by all our friends: Alex, Sam, Sophie, Roslyn, and Gabe stood nearby them, playing an acoustic guitar. Above them hung trees, strung up with tiny glowing bulbs, illuminating the path and the people, even against the darkening sky.

We stood for a moment, and everyone was looking. Chandler grabbed Dean by the shoulder and shook him. Slowly, his head turned, and for a moment, he stared in slack-jawed shock, but it was quickly replaced by a stretching grin, beaming until his cheeks practically glowed. I saw his chest rise and fall with a deep breath. I clung to Avery’s arm, clutching him as my face heated up, and I dropped my head with a quiet laugh. When I glanced up, we were passing our friends, and they all smiled at me. Even Sam murmured his advice of, “Relax.”

The closer we got, the better I seemed to feel. The nerves were just melting off, and I didn’t quite know why. “I didn’t fall,” I whispered to Avery, who just hummed a chuckle when we stopped. I looked at him, confused, when he let go of my arm. He took my flowers and handed them to Sophie. “Go on,” he encouraged, nodding toward the gazebo, Chandler, and the man who would soon be my husband. I gave him a nod before I stepped into the gazebo, taking my place beside Dean, who hadn’t stopped looking at me since Chandler alerted him.

“You look stunning, Blondie,” he whispered, smiling at me.

“You too, Muscles,” I murmured back, suddenly feeling weak in the knees again.

We turned to face each other, and he took my hands in his, chuckling under his breath. “Your hands are freezing,” he laughed under his breath.

“Really?” I questioned, startled. “I thought that was you.” Dean dropped his head when he laughed again, and his shoulders shook again. He looked back at me like he wanted to kiss me, but we couldn’t. Not yet. Not until Chandler said so, and that could have taken forever depending on how long Chandler decided to ramble on for.

Chandler cleared his throat, and everyone fell silent, Dean and I included. “Welcome, all five of Dean and Tali’s guests,” he greeted our guests in a mocking tone. “We are gathered today to celebrate the union of these two fabulous people and witness Dean finally admitting that I was right this whole time.” Dean and I could barely contain our giggles, but Chandler continued regardless, as serious as ever. “You have come here today beyond all rational thought to sit through this illegal ceremony and allow Dean and Thalia to start their boring, married life together surrounded by the only eight people who actually like them.

“So welcome one and all, both privileged elites and wanted criminals. Dean and Tali thank you for showing up and now ask for your support of their marriage.” He paused and cleared his throat again. “Marriage is perhaps the only thing in this world I wouldn’t ever condone or suggest. I’ve never seen anything good come out of marriage. I’ve only seen it turn fun people into bitter, miserable ones. But when I see these two together, I see things I have never seen before. When I first met Blondie, she was timid, and shy, and she almost choked when she tried champagne, and in the last few months, I have seen her grow into her skin. It was truly beautiful, just like she is.

“As if that wasn’t enough, she is the first girl to get Dean to slow down, at least that I’ve ever seen. For the first time in years, he goes home and relaxes, and he doesn’t call me every morning to complain that he didn’t sleep through the night again.” He had to stop, had to swallow. I thought maybe he was shaking a little, but he composed himself. “When I see them together, I see so much more than just an adorable couple. I see patience, dedication, and support. I see laughter, and I see appreciation. Most importantly, I see love. And that’s rare in this world—that’s something to hold onto. In this world, you can do nothing but hold onto what’s important, and let go of the rest.” He paused and smiled to us. I squeezed Dean’s hands a little tighter. “So, today, I stand before you all to give these two all my love and support in their choice to stand together for the rest of their lives.

“But before this is all over, I want you both to remember your love and remember that love is what brought you here. Love can overcome every obstacle—even certain death and snotty, controlling American actresses who shall not be named. No other ties are as strong or as tender, and no words are more sacred than those you will soon share. If you can keep the vows you share today out of a desire to love and be loved fully, deeply, and without limitation, then you will never know a greater joy, and the home you establish together will foster growth, freedom, and comfort—and will probably be full of stylishly modern furnishings, at least if I have anything to do with it.” Chandler sniffed and adjusted his glasses. Dean and I both chuckled softly, trying not to laugh at the sudden display of emotion, and stealing longing glances all the while. “And every bed will have egyptian cotton sheets.”

“Are you alright?” Dean whispered through a laugh, and Chandler just nodded and rubbed his eyes beneath his black lenses.

Chandler composed himself and spoke louder, more confidently, even though his voice was breaking. “Do you, Dean Cassidy, take Thalia Giroux to be your wife?” he asked hurriedly, now fidgeting.

Dean chuckled at him and turned his head to me and said, “I do.”

“Great,” Chandler laughed through a teary voice. He looked at me. “Do you take him too?”

“I do,” I laughed and nodded, grinning until my face hurt.

“Can I have the rings, please?” Chandler asked, clearing his throat again. Eden scurried up, dodging Dean’s legs to hand Chandler a small blue bag. He opened it and carefully emptied the two rings into the palm of his hand: one simple and plain, one encrusted with diamonds. Both had the interior engraved with ‘Muscles & Blondie’ alongside the date. He handed me the plain one and Dean the one with all the diamonds, forcing us to let go of each other’s hands as Eden raced back to her father’s legs, watching us expectantly. They all were.

“Please repeat after me: I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you,” Chandler instructed, looking to Dean first.

Dean took my left hand and looked me in the eye as he repeated as told. “I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you,” he said as he slipped the sparkling band onto my ring finger. Chandler turned his head to me.

Following suit, I took Dean’s left hand and looked up to him, a smile stretching across my face. “I give you this ring as a daily reminder of my love for you,” I repeated, sliding the band onto his ring finger as well. With bated breath, we waited for Chandler to speak again.

“By the power of your undying love and commitment, and the power I have acquired by being the best-dressed man in all of England, I now pronounce you Muscles and Blondie,” Chandler declared. “Now, kiss, dammit, before I lose all composure.”

Just as our smiles turned into grins, we leaned toward each other kissed. I couldn’t find my breath, and my entire body felt like it was on fire, until his grip around my back tightened, and he dipped me. I squeaked at first, just a little startled until we kissed again, even deeper this time, humming and giggling all while applause and whistles sounded from our friends.

When we stopped, Dean pulled me back up with him. He broke from me only to wrap Chandler in the biggest bear hug I had ever seen. He whispered something, and whatever it was, it incited Chandler to actually hug him back and say, “You’re very welcome.”

A grin graced Dean’s features as he came back to my side, and I expected him to take my hand. Instead, he scooped me up his arms. It shouldn’t have shocked me; he always had been fond of grandiose displays. I looped my arms around his neck, and we kissed again. “Come on, wife,” he laughed, carrying me down the pathway, past our cheering friends. “Now, we feast!” Dean declared enthusiastically, pressing our friends to follow us inside.