Marvelous Misadventures
Chapter 1
Somewhere averagely magical and very interesting, it was a Saturday. How mundane. Enter the world of Bleach, stage right. Be sure to include the fuck-tarded, arse backwards Hueco Mundo. Now in this arse backwards, fuck-tarted Hueco Mundo, Aizen was married to Byakuya. Of course, he was the 'man' out of the pair. And being the all-controlling freak with the bitch curl, besides owning to Hogyokou, Aizen owned Byakuya. This made for a most interesting life.
So this lovely Saturday, Aizen opened his eyes. He woke up. He squacked, and proceeded to flop over on his other side. Curled up under the blankets on the other side of the bed, was Byakuya, curled up into the tiniest possible ball that he could curl his frame into. He was snoring faintly, in the most adorable way possible, causing all the fan-girls out there to sat up, and poked the Byakuya shaped lump several times. Finally, the lump stirred, opening one eye."Eh?" was the only thing the lump said, before it caught sight of Aizen poking it in the side. "Just you. Again. As Usual." The captain of the 6th division muttered, scooting a few inches away from his partner and attempting to resume snoozing. He was now effectively out of Aizen's reach.
Aizen scowled. When he poked his uke, he expected the ungrateful creature to snap up, awake, possibly bowing and kissing his feet. Not much to ask, considering he had the Hogyokou. However, the ungrateful creature had scooted away, and resumed snoozing. Well Aizen wasn't Sosuke Aizen, owner of the Hogyokou and bitch curl for nothing! He would not be swayed from anything he set his mind to. Whether it was becoming the spirit king, conquering Soul Society, or convincing his elder child that there was nothing wrong with Yuri, that it was Yaoi, but with girls. And he certainly wasn't going to be swayed from waking his uke up this morning. Even if he had to cero the damn creature's arse out of bed to do it, he would.
With this on his mind, Aizen scooted a few inches closer. The same process repeated a few times, with Byakuya scooting away every time,Aizen following. Soon it was to the point that the next time that Byakuya scooted, he would scoot his scrawny white bum right off the edge of the huge bed. This was just too much for him. He lost his temper, seeing as he was so rudely awakened, and was not being left in peace. "Dammit Aizen, get the fucking fuck away from me you bastard, and let me get some fucking sleep!" He screamed, his voice going high pitched. He then rolled over, and tugged the blanket up, above his head, until all you could see was a general Byakuya-shaped lump under the blanket."That's Aizen-sama to you, you filthy little slut!" Aizen snarled, a twisted grin crossing his features. He would make Byakuya pay for this. He most certainly would. And it would not be a pleasant thing. At least not for the captain currently hunkered down in the blankets.
Without warning, the Byakuya-shaped ball squirmed a bit, before a slender white hand came up from between the blankets. It flipped Aizen off, and waited a few seconds to make sure that he had most certainly gotten the point. Then, it vanished back into the blankets before the brunette could do anything about it. This only served to solidify Aizen's pissed off mood, and his desire to make Byakuya pay for it later.
Just then came a loud, obnoxious snore from the floor on Aizen's side of the bed. Byakuya bolted upright, squeaking, and latched onto Aizen. "Oh no ya don't." Aizen snapped, attempting to shove his lover off. However, he couldn't, as Byakuya had wrapped his arms and legs around the bitch-curl-owner and was firmly stuck there. No amount of shaking would get him off. Finally Aizen stood up, taking his tag along with him. "There's something growling and it's scaring me!" Byakuya squeaked out, tightening his grasp around Aizen, who only sighed. "After 17 years together, 15 of which we've lived in the same house, 13 of which we've been married, you're still not used to my bitch-curl snoring."
"It's your bitch-curl thats snoring that loud?" Byakuya asked, gray eyes going wide. At that point, he looked more like a little boy than anything else. "Yes Bya-kun, I thought you'd have been used to it after 15 years. But it seems every morning, it's the same old routine. It snores, you jump on me, cling on, refuse to let go, all the while screaming like a little girl."Aizen said, with a sad sigh. He really was tired of it. After all, over 15 years of being jumped on and clung to almost every single morning over the same incident. "What was it you woke me up for anyways?" Byakuya asked. Aizen gave him the pissed-off-psyhco-ruler look, and said, "I'll tell you as soon as you get off. Damned cling on."
Byakuya slowly and regretfully let go of Aizen, asking, "How come you're so sure that that noise wasn't made by some scary boogeyman under the bed?" Aizen sighed, and pointed to the other side of the bed. Byakuya crawled over it, hanging his head off the edge. There, on a dog bed, was the bitch curl, snoring away contentedly. "See?" Aizen asked, mildly amused. Byakuya nodded, and asked, "What was it you wanted me awake for?"
"Well It is Saturday."Aizen said. Byakuya rolled his eyes. Of course it was Saturday. Any nimrod with half a brain could understand that. Hell, he thought, even Lumina and Verona could understand that Saturday comes after Friday. That was saying something considering how stupid the Octavo's Fraccion could be at times. Well, screw times, all the time was more like it at any rate.
An hour later, in the same house, two girls were sitting in a room. There was a strange conversation going on between the two of them. "There is no way in hell that Szayel and Ulquiorra belong together. Ulquiorra belongs with Potty-Spada and Szayel belongs with Spoonsie-Spada." The skinny one said. She looked like a female Aizen. With glasses. And a shorter, smaller bitch curl. "Well there is no way in hell that Szayel does not belong to Ulquiorra. For all I care, the Spoon and Toilet can go fuck themselves. Or each other for that matter." The other girl replied. This one looked more like a female Byakuya.
"Well whenever Ulquiorra and Szayel have a uke's night out, Pedo-Spoon and Grimmy-Chan probably do." The mini-Aizen said with a shrug. "But Aizen belongs with Gin and Byakuya with Renji." This left her with a sigh from her companion, who said, "Well they are our 'parents', and if they weren't together, neither of us would be here." Then, the door opened.
"Haruhi, Vennession, were you two talking about how I and your mother don't belong together again?" Aizen said, as he poked his head into the door. "Yes." The girls said simultaneously. "Venn started it!" The mini-Aizen, who was undoubtedly Haruhi said without warning. "Yeah, but you continued it!" Venn retorted. "Can't I just have a Saturday in peace? First your mother, then my bitch-curl, then you two, who next? My arse?" Aizen asked, whinily, before adding, "What happened?"
(Here, they go back and forth, starting with Haruhi)
"I said some couples were meant to be and-"
"I said that she's just being a close minded-"
"But some couples are supposed to be together no matter what."
"But you have to be open to change and experimentation."
"Some couples shouldn't be split up."
"But it isn't fair if they don't want to be in that couple any more."
"So I said that its the same reason that Spoon-sie Spada is dating Gay-Spada and Emo-Spada is dating Potty-Spada."
"Then I said that Gay-Spada and Emo-Spada were supposed to be together."
"But I said that Mom was supposed to be with Renji and you were supposed to be with Gin."
This back and forth dialogue left Aizen flicking his head back and forth to watch the two of them. It was pretty much like a tennis match the way it was heading. One finishing the other's sentences. It was almost as bad as Aaroniero's two heads finishing each other's sentences. Almost. "Eh that's interesting. Anyways, we're heading out soon. If anyone asks, Byakuya is your mother. Bye!" Aizen said, waving and leaving the room. This left Haruhi and Vennession to stare at each other in confusion.
Another hour later found them out walking around the downtown area. Shortly after, there was a scuffling noise coming from down an alley. From down this alley crashed a very much drunken Nnoitra and Grimmjow. "Ey, lookie here, whadda we got 'ere?" Nnoitra asked, slurring his words together, drunk as fuck, probably high off his spoon arse too. "Looks like Aizen and his bitch."Grimmjow said, with a high pitched hiccup. Then, Spoonsie-Spada caught sight of the girls.
"Ey girls, whose yo mama?"The one-eyed one asked, falling onto Grimmjow, who caught him with an insane giggle, before falling as well. Haruhi, Vennession, and Aizen had all spread to form a line, shoulder to shoulder. In sync, they all pointed to their left. To Byakuya, who at first pointed to his left as well. Then, he realized there was nobody there to point at. So he was forced to point to his right, as if trying to dispell the idea from the drunks minds. After a glare from Aizen, he sheepisly raised his hand. "Told ya Byakuya was the bitch in the pair. Even looks like a lady." Nnoitra said, before passing out. This prompted Grimmjow to start singing, "Dude looks like a lady by Aerosmith."
So this lovely Saturday, Aizen opened his eyes. He woke up. He squacked, and proceeded to flop over on his other side. Curled up under the blankets on the other side of the bed, was Byakuya, curled up into the tiniest possible ball that he could curl his frame into. He was snoring faintly, in the most adorable way possible, causing all the fan-girls out there to sat up, and poked the Byakuya shaped lump several times. Finally, the lump stirred, opening one eye."Eh?" was the only thing the lump said, before it caught sight of Aizen poking it in the side. "Just you. Again. As Usual." The captain of the 6th division muttered, scooting a few inches away from his partner and attempting to resume snoozing. He was now effectively out of Aizen's reach.
Aizen scowled. When he poked his uke, he expected the ungrateful creature to snap up, awake, possibly bowing and kissing his feet. Not much to ask, considering he had the Hogyokou. However, the ungrateful creature had scooted away, and resumed snoozing. Well Aizen wasn't Sosuke Aizen, owner of the Hogyokou and bitch curl for nothing! He would not be swayed from anything he set his mind to. Whether it was becoming the spirit king, conquering Soul Society, or convincing his elder child that there was nothing wrong with Yuri, that it was Yaoi, but with girls. And he certainly wasn't going to be swayed from waking his uke up this morning. Even if he had to cero the damn creature's arse out of bed to do it, he would.
With this on his mind, Aizen scooted a few inches closer. The same process repeated a few times, with Byakuya scooting away every time,Aizen following. Soon it was to the point that the next time that Byakuya scooted, he would scoot his scrawny white bum right off the edge of the huge bed. This was just too much for him. He lost his temper, seeing as he was so rudely awakened, and was not being left in peace. "Dammit Aizen, get the fucking fuck away from me you bastard, and let me get some fucking sleep!" He screamed, his voice going high pitched. He then rolled over, and tugged the blanket up, above his head, until all you could see was a general Byakuya-shaped lump under the blanket."That's Aizen-sama to you, you filthy little slut!" Aizen snarled, a twisted grin crossing his features. He would make Byakuya pay for this. He most certainly would. And it would not be a pleasant thing. At least not for the captain currently hunkered down in the blankets.
Without warning, the Byakuya-shaped ball squirmed a bit, before a slender white hand came up from between the blankets. It flipped Aizen off, and waited a few seconds to make sure that he had most certainly gotten the point. Then, it vanished back into the blankets before the brunette could do anything about it. This only served to solidify Aizen's pissed off mood, and his desire to make Byakuya pay for it later.
Just then came a loud, obnoxious snore from the floor on Aizen's side of the bed. Byakuya bolted upright, squeaking, and latched onto Aizen. "Oh no ya don't." Aizen snapped, attempting to shove his lover off. However, he couldn't, as Byakuya had wrapped his arms and legs around the bitch-curl-owner and was firmly stuck there. No amount of shaking would get him off. Finally Aizen stood up, taking his tag along with him. "There's something growling and it's scaring me!" Byakuya squeaked out, tightening his grasp around Aizen, who only sighed. "After 17 years together, 15 of which we've lived in the same house, 13 of which we've been married, you're still not used to my bitch-curl snoring."
"It's your bitch-curl thats snoring that loud?" Byakuya asked, gray eyes going wide. At that point, he looked more like a little boy than anything else. "Yes Bya-kun, I thought you'd have been used to it after 15 years. But it seems every morning, it's the same old routine. It snores, you jump on me, cling on, refuse to let go, all the while screaming like a little girl."Aizen said, with a sad sigh. He really was tired of it. After all, over 15 years of being jumped on and clung to almost every single morning over the same incident. "What was it you woke me up for anyways?" Byakuya asked. Aizen gave him the pissed-off-psyhco-ruler look, and said, "I'll tell you as soon as you get off. Damned cling on."
Byakuya slowly and regretfully let go of Aizen, asking, "How come you're so sure that that noise wasn't made by some scary boogeyman under the bed?" Aizen sighed, and pointed to the other side of the bed. Byakuya crawled over it, hanging his head off the edge. There, on a dog bed, was the bitch curl, snoring away contentedly. "See?" Aizen asked, mildly amused. Byakuya nodded, and asked, "What was it you wanted me awake for?"
"Well It is Saturday."Aizen said. Byakuya rolled his eyes. Of course it was Saturday. Any nimrod with half a brain could understand that. Hell, he thought, even Lumina and Verona could understand that Saturday comes after Friday. That was saying something considering how stupid the Octavo's Fraccion could be at times. Well, screw times, all the time was more like it at any rate.
An hour later, in the same house, two girls were sitting in a room. There was a strange conversation going on between the two of them. "There is no way in hell that Szayel and Ulquiorra belong together. Ulquiorra belongs with Potty-Spada and Szayel belongs with Spoonsie-Spada." The skinny one said. She looked like a female Aizen. With glasses. And a shorter, smaller bitch curl. "Well there is no way in hell that Szayel does not belong to Ulquiorra. For all I care, the Spoon and Toilet can go fuck themselves. Or each other for that matter." The other girl replied. This one looked more like a female Byakuya.
"Well whenever Ulquiorra and Szayel have a uke's night out, Pedo-Spoon and Grimmy-Chan probably do." The mini-Aizen said with a shrug. "But Aizen belongs with Gin and Byakuya with Renji." This left her with a sigh from her companion, who said, "Well they are our 'parents', and if they weren't together, neither of us would be here." Then, the door opened.
"Haruhi, Vennession, were you two talking about how I and your mother don't belong together again?" Aizen said, as he poked his head into the door. "Yes." The girls said simultaneously. "Venn started it!" The mini-Aizen, who was undoubtedly Haruhi said without warning. "Yeah, but you continued it!" Venn retorted. "Can't I just have a Saturday in peace? First your mother, then my bitch-curl, then you two, who next? My arse?" Aizen asked, whinily, before adding, "What happened?"
(Here, they go back and forth, starting with Haruhi)
"I said some couples were meant to be and-"
"I said that she's just being a close minded-"
"But some couples are supposed to be together no matter what."
"But you have to be open to change and experimentation."
"Some couples shouldn't be split up."
"But it isn't fair if they don't want to be in that couple any more."
"So I said that its the same reason that Spoon-sie Spada is dating Gay-Spada and Emo-Spada is dating Potty-Spada."
"Then I said that Gay-Spada and Emo-Spada were supposed to be together."
"But I said that Mom was supposed to be with Renji and you were supposed to be with Gin."
This back and forth dialogue left Aizen flicking his head back and forth to watch the two of them. It was pretty much like a tennis match the way it was heading. One finishing the other's sentences. It was almost as bad as Aaroniero's two heads finishing each other's sentences. Almost. "Eh that's interesting. Anyways, we're heading out soon. If anyone asks, Byakuya is your mother. Bye!" Aizen said, waving and leaving the room. This left Haruhi and Vennession to stare at each other in confusion.
Another hour later found them out walking around the downtown area. Shortly after, there was a scuffling noise coming from down an alley. From down this alley crashed a very much drunken Nnoitra and Grimmjow. "Ey, lookie here, whadda we got 'ere?" Nnoitra asked, slurring his words together, drunk as fuck, probably high off his spoon arse too. "Looks like Aizen and his bitch."Grimmjow said, with a high pitched hiccup. Then, Spoonsie-Spada caught sight of the girls.
"Ey girls, whose yo mama?"The one-eyed one asked, falling onto Grimmjow, who caught him with an insane giggle, before falling as well. Haruhi, Vennession, and Aizen had all spread to form a line, shoulder to shoulder. In sync, they all pointed to their left. To Byakuya, who at first pointed to his left as well. Then, he realized there was nobody there to point at. So he was forced to point to his right, as if trying to dispell the idea from the drunks minds. After a glare from Aizen, he sheepisly raised his hand. "Told ya Byakuya was the bitch in the pair. Even looks like a lady." Nnoitra said, before passing out. This prompted Grimmjow to start singing, "Dude looks like a lady by Aerosmith."