Cut Short

Jolie and I sing to our little girl until her beautiful eyes wake up to the world.
We've probably been singing to her for a few hours now.
Neither of us minded.
I'd be leaving in an hour and so we were not wasting any precious time to spend together.

Jolie picks Kenadee up, smiling down at her and saying things to her in her mother like baby talk.
I admired Jolie so much.
Just watching her from the sidelines she just looked like there was no other place she wanted to be.
Any stranger could look at her with Kenadee and see she was so cozy with being a mother, but I got to be on the inside seeing Jolie and I saw so much than any stranger could see.
I seen a young woman who put all her love into this little girl who hadn't even said mama yet.
I'd seen all her faith thrown into this little baby girl who didn't even know what to do with such faith.
I'd seen a woman who had decided whole heartedly that this little girl was and always would be her whole future.
And when I looked at her closer I seen a woman who was so strong for that little girl but deep down wasn't strong for herself.
My heart ached.
I knew that was because of me.
Kenadee had Jolie but Jolie didn't have anyone...not even me.
Things needed to change and once I got back I would have to make absolute sure of it.

Soon enough the bus creaked up.
I closed my eyes and sighed so sadly.
I walked to Jolie and picked Kenadee up out of her arms and then I pulled Jolie into my side.
I could feel her tense up.
I felt like she would cry but I knew she wouldn't for my benefit.
Finally I lift Kenadee's face up to my view.
I whisper that I love her in that baby voice and kiss her chubby cheeks.
I set her on the floor and I pull Jolie into me.
I breathe her in.
I'd spent so much time making sure I don't forget anything about Kenadee that I hadn't made any attemps to remember Jolie.
So I breathe her in more..deeper..stronger.
She smells like baby which is most likely from taking care of Kenadee so much, exhaustion and some of her light and floral perfume.
I squeeze her tight.
She squeezes back just as tight.
And finally I let her go, squint my eyes close, kiss her forhead and let my lips linger there for a few seconds.
Then I tell her I love her...tell her a few more times...just so she knows it's true and won't forget it.
And finally I grab my suitcases and walk out the door, only glimpsing back once to catch Jolie holding Kenadee.
Jolie covering her obvious distraught heartache on a face with a fake smile that says "goodbye, have fun, I love you, I'm glad for you, not sad at all".
I look at her and sadly smile and wave.
I swallow every thought that claws at me from the inside of my skull and get on the bus.
The bus roars off and I try to hold myself together for these next months.