I'm Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket

I’ve just pulled up to me and Cam’s apartment. I slowly make the walk up the stairs, and when I get to our unit, I put my key in the door, and gingerly step inside.

Everything is just the way I left it when I found out about his infidelities.

The vase is still shattered by the door, when I threw it at him, telling him to get out and never come back.

The little table in the living room is still flipped over from when I first saw the message on his phone from Rose, and I asked him about it, and he blatantly lied to me about it.

I shake my head at the mess and pull out my phone to call Jaime.

The phone hardly finishes the first ring, he picks up immediately.

“Are you there?” He asks me, and I start to nod my head, even though he can’t see me.

“Y-Yeah. I’m here. What now?” I ask, sounding lost. I really don’t understand my purpose.

“Just pack up all your things and I’ll come over. Just text me an address, and I’ll put it in my phones GPS. Get everything. Don’t worry about space. You can put some things in my car as well.” He says to me, and I can hear him shuffling around, probably getting ready to leave out. “

“Thank you Hime. You’re the best,” I say softly, stepping around the broken glass, and going into the bedroom so I can start packing my clothes.

“You know it’s no problem Lil.” He says sweetly, reminds me to text him the address, and then we disconnect.

After I do as he asks, I start pulling out a luggage set from the hallway closet, and start packing all my clothes, shoes, pictures, just anything and everything that I may want or need.

__________

It’s been about only 45 minutes and I’m done packing already. What can I say? I move fast. I look around the now barren room. Well, barren of my things – and I honestly just can’t believe it. Two years of being with Cam. Done. Gone. Like it was nothing. I absently mindedly start twirling the promise ring he gave me no too long ago. It was a habit I’d picked up when I’m deep in thought.

I look at the beautiful princess cut emerald on my right hand. I used to wear it on my left but the questions got so old after while. The thought of parting with this ring physically pains me. It’s just so beautiful, even if it was a symbol of Cam’s love for me.

A love that does not exist any more.

Shit. Before I know it – I collapse on to the ground, and cry so hard, it feels like the whole apartment is shaking. My sobs sound horrific. You would think someone had killed my entire family right in front of me in cold blood.

I’m on the ground, hugging myself, rocking back and forth, crying to no end.

How does someone supposedly love you, hurt you in such a way. Cam was really my everything. I loved him so much, and I truly believed he loved me as well.

Then there’s Rosie. Rose. My best friend. Well, my supposed best friend. How could she do this to me as well? She knew how much I cared about Cam. She was so happy when we first got together. On each anniversary she would always tell me how happy she was for the both of us, and she couldn’t wait for the day we got married and had kids and she’d be an aunt. Rosie was my rock. She was like a sister to me.

Fuck. What did I ever do to anyone to deserve this? I’m not saying I’m a perfect little angel, but I am positive that I’ve never done anything to anyone so horrible, that I’d deserve such heartbreak like this.

As I really realize how unhappy I am with everything, and how everything I know is falling around me I sob even louder and start to shake. I’m shaking so bad, and I feel a horrible churning in my stomach. I can’t even get up to walk, so I quickly crawl into the bathroom, and lift up the toilet seat and retch violently into the toilet.

When I’m finish, I scoot away from the toilet, and rest my cheek against the side of the bathtub. It’s so cool against my hot, flushed face.

My sobs, and pathetic gasps for air still haven’t ceased, and before I know it, the bathroom door opens.

I lift my head up weakly, and see a confused Jaime standing in the door way, in a Man Overboard shirt, and dark jeans, and red shoes, hair sticking every which away. No different from the last time I saw him.

“Lil…” He trails off, sitting next to me on the floor, pulling my head into his lap, running my fingers through my hair.

“I hate myself Jaime. I really hate myself.” I whimper, and he shushes me.

“Now why would you hate yourself? You’re such a beautiful, loving person. There is no reason for you to ever hate yourself.” He says softly
“You don’t understand Hime. You just don’t,” I say through hiccups.

“Help me understand.” He says, kissing my forehead.

“I hate myself, because I just wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t the only one he needed, like I had led myself to believe.” I whisper, shutting my eyes at the harsh truth.

“I’m guessing he cheated on you?” Jaime says gently, trying not to send me into another fit of hysteria.

I nod my head weakly.

“Let me tell you something Lil, you can’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault he was selfish and could be true to you. It’s crazy to blame yourself for something like that. If anything – you were too good for him.” He says turning my head to dry my eyes.

I don’t really have a response for him. Right now, I just feel kind of numb all over. I can’t even really think straight. It’s like fuzzy static in my head.

“Come on, you’re clearly in no state to drive. I’ll put your things in the car, and we’ll go back to my house, does that sound okay?” He asks, lifting me off his lap gently, and standing up.

He extends his hands out to me, and I take them, and he helps me up, and while still holding one of my hands, I slip on some old sneakers of mine, and he grabs one of my luggage’s, and I grab the other, and we make our way downstairs to the car.

“Here, let me get that for you.” Jaime takes the other bag from me, and puts it into his trunk.

“There are two more? Could you get them please?” I ask him, and he nods his head, and unlocks the car for me, so I can wait for him inside.

I climb into the passenger seat, and wrap my arms around myself, taking deep breaths. Before I know it, Jaime is back, and he gets into the car, rubs my back and tells me I’ll be okay. That this will pass.

I hope so Hime. I really hope so.