The New Queen

“Im tired” Anna said. Vika hugged Anna. “Is It normal being this tired?”
“I think you are competing too much” Vika said.
“I don’t compete at all” Anna threw herself down on Vika’s bed. “I skip half of the little meets to do the big competition” Vika sat down next to her.
“It’s hard” she said.
“I don’t like it” Anna said. “Being tired”
“Am I going to blow it in London?” she asked.
“No!” Vika exclaimed. “This is just the storm” she said. “You’ll get out of this” Vika could sense Anna was going to that ‘place’. Vika had her own ‘place’ before London where she felt not good enough and mentally exhausted. “Everything will be fine in the end”
Anna went back to her dorm room. Maria was gone on break and it was just her. She sat down on the floor and pulled out a photo album from under her bed. In the album she had pictures from when she first arrived at Lake Krugloe and meeting all these wonderful people. Hard to believe it has been only ten years. It’s felt like it’s been her whole life. In just a few months she would be eighteen years old, in one year she would be in Rio.
She started to feel the pressure. The REAL pressure of Rio. She didn’t want to blow it. She really really didn’t want to fuck everything up. She worked for the last ten years to really do this and h was going to blow it. She had all these sponsors lined up and her parents losing money and she was going to let them all down.
She sat in her room and just cried. For hours and hours she cried. She was so scared of the future. She was genuinely scared about this. Why was it that she wanted this so bad and now she was chickening out?
She needed to pull herself together.
…
Svetlana Khorkina got an interview with Anna shortly after the American Cup. Evgeny told Khorkina to not even discuss the American Cup, that she was not happy and was very sad by it. Khorkina agreed.
“Hello Anna” Anna smiled brightly as she shook hands with the Olympic legend.
“Hello”
“I want you to know how proud I am of you” she said. “You’ve made us so proud with your accomplishments” Anna smiled. “Well let’s start this—how did you feel after your most recent win at the world championships?”
“Really good” Anna said. “I was really proud of myself and I worked really hard to get in that position” she said. “And yeah I just felt really good about the competition”
“Well what about all these sponsors?”
“Im doing it for money” she giggled. “I want to kind of raise money for college and give money to my parents since im expensive” they both laughed.
“What are your hopes for the future?”
“Um” Anna froze a bit. Did she want to give an honest answer or a fake answer? “Um” she stuttered. “I just want to do the best that I can” she said. It seemed good enough. “I want to make someone proud—I don’t want to let anyone down”
“So let’s go to your parents. How do your parents feel about all of this?” Anna smiled.
“It’s really hard on all of us” she said. “It’s very expensive and im never home and im their oldest”
“Oldest? How many siblings”
“I have five”
“Five! Whoa? How many sisters or brothers?”
“Three sisters, two brothers” she said.
“Aww, do you like being an older sister?”
“Yeah, it’s lovely” Anna said. “My sisters really admire me and I miss them a lot. My brother who is the second oldest is taking over the fort for me by being the example at home”
“Aww, do you miss them?”
“Yeah, a lot. My youngest sister is three years old and she’s so cute!” Anna said. “My brother says she always asks for me and I always feel terrible about it. But I see her a lot”
“Aww well that’s good—let’s talk about the American Cup” Anna froze up again. She asked Evgeny and he promised her that she wouldn’t have to talk about it. “Do you like that competition?”
“No” she said simply.
“Well you won three years in a row” she smirked a bit and shrugged.
“I know, it’s not a big deal. I don’t think the competition is a stepping stone to the Olympics. It’s just a practice. It means nothing” she explained.
“How do you feel about your performance a few weeks ago?”
“Terrible” she said. “I felt so tired, mentally and physically” she said. “I struggled a lot but I learned from it”
“What did you learn?”
“That Rio is going to really suck” she said honestly.