Please Remember Me

Cameron took off her black toque as she walked up to the will call window. She gently shook her head to loosen up the blonde curls that were pressed against her head underneath. She was barely able to keep her balance in her red high heels; her whole body was shaking with nerves. Even with Meredith by her side, she still felt uneasy about walking into the arena again. It was the only thing she thought of all day.

She was terrified of running into hockey wives and girlfriends who she once considered to be some of her best friends. She was scared to see Jonathan again. She was scared of what the other guys on the team would think of seeing her again. If she could, she would just turn around and run back to the car and drive back home as fast as possible.

But with Mere there, she knew that would never happen.

Her heartbeat got faster and faster with each step she took. “Hi, tickets for Cameron Lewis. Should be reserved by Mr. Toews.” She told the young man behind the ticket window.

She watched impatiently and tapped her fingers on the metal counter as he went through the stack of will-call tickets. It seemed to take forever.

“Here you go.” He said slipping the tickets through the window.

With a deep breath, and her arm wrapped around Meredith’s, Cameron walked into the United Center for the first time in almost three years. She was amazed at how familiar, how homey, it felt. The arena was crowded, filled with fans with the names of Toews, Kane, Keith and Sharp on their backs. There were pictures of the players everywhere and there was that buzz in the air. In a strange way, the familiarity of it was seemed calming to her.

The two girls found their section and quickly took their seats. Warm ups had already finished and it was just a matter of time before the two teams were back on the ice to start the game.

“You okay?” Meredith asked.

“Surprisingly, yes.” Cameron replied, letting out a long breath. “It’s weird. But it’s a good weird. I’m just glad our seats are on the other side of the rink from all the other WAGs.”

Meredith’s jaw dropped. “Wait.” She said, pulling her brown hair back into a ponytail.

“What?” Cameron said.

“Did you just refer to yourself as a WAG?”

“No.” Cameron replied. “No.”

“You said you’re glad our seats are away from all the other WAGs. The other WAGs, implying that you’re a WAG.” Meredith explained.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Cameron said.

“Yeah. Right.”

Cameron rolled her eyes and sat back in her seat. She stared down at the ice and could feel the anticipation and nervousness creep through her body. When she and Jon were together, she would always be on edge during the games. She would get nervous every time Jon was on the ice, every time she would see him get hit, she would feel it too. She probably spent more time at hockey games covering her eyes and not watching, than watching. Unfortunately for her, a hockey rink was no place for a nervous person. This 60-minute game that was about to start would for sure feel like it would go on forever, and with the building anticipation of the date that would occur afterwards, this game would just be tedious.
The lights in the arena turned down low and the pump up music began to play. She watched as the guys came out on the ice, knowing that Jon would be towards the end. When she saw him skate out on the ice a smile came across her face. She missed seeing this, missed seeing him doing what he loved. The starting line-ups were announced. Meredith went wild with every mention of a Blackhawk’s player’s name while Cameron sat silently with her eyes on Jon.

The Hawks won their game 5-3, beating the Panthers. Jonathan had a goal and an assist and Cameron had to catch herself both times to not get overzealous with joy. Now that the game was over, she said her goodbyes to Meredith and made her way to ice level. Jonathan had told her that he would meet her inside the family room after the game. She was not looking forward to this. She was not ready to be judged and stared at by women who didn’t even know her. She had seen so many puck bunnies come and go and now they all would probably assume that that’s what she was one herself. The feeling of dread grew bigger with each step she took down the long hallway.

“Cameron!” a familiar voice said. Cameron could hear the clanking of heels against the ground come closer and closer. She turned around to see Abby drowning in the large red hockey jersey she was wearing. “Cameron! I didn’t know you were coming tonight! What are you doing here?”

“I’m not quite sure.” Cameron said nervously. She stopped to let Abby catch up.

Abby gave Cameron an unexpected hug. “It was a last minute thing.” Cameron shrugged. “How are you? How’s the little one?”

“Oh she’s good, at home with Grandma Sharp tonight. You coming out to dinner with us?” Abby said. They continued their walk towards the room.

“Dinner? Oh. Um. I don’t know.”

Abby shot her a confused look. “Wait. Why are you here?” she asked, finally realizing how strange it was to be seeing Cameron at a hockey game.

“Jon.” Cameron replied.

Abby stopped dead in her tracks. “Cameron.”

“What?”

“Be careful.”

Cameron let out a sigh. “I knew it. I knew this was a bad idea.” She pressed her palm to her forehead in frustration. “I should just go home. Tell Jon I had to go back-“

“No!” Abby said. “No, no, no, that’s not what I meant. Just. Be careful. He’s been in a mood of sorts lately. But something gives me the feeling that you’re the one who can turn that all around and give us our Jon back.”

“I’m not so sure about that, Abby. It’s been so long. There’s a history there.”

“Well, there must be something about him if you’re here.” She smiled. Abby gently rubbed Cameron’s arm. “Come on, let’s go.” She said nodding towards the door to the family room.

“Can we not? I’d rather not go in there. This is already a lot to take in right now.”

Abby looked beyond Cameron and smiled. “Sure. That’s fine. Plus our guys are here.” She said nodding behind Cameron.

Cam turned around on her heel and saw Jonathan and Sharpie walking their way. They were too busy laughing and joking with each other to notice the girls standing before them. But, when he did finally look up, the sight of Jon took Cam’s breath away. He was wearing a grey suit with a black shirt. He didn’t have his tie on; instead the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. She felt her heart racing; Jon was always a sight to be seen in a suit.

“There she is!” Sharpie said walking up to his wife. He gave her a hug and a kiss.

“Hey. Thanks for coming.” Jon said giving Cameron a hug. He whispered the words in her ear, causing goose bumps to cover her body. “You look great tonight.”

“Of course. Good game.” She replied shyly. She pushed a curl of blonde hair behind her ear and looked up into his dark brown eyes.

They stood there for a moment, awkwardly smiling at each other. They were too distracted by one another to notice Sharpie and Abby staring and waiting for their next move. Finally, without taking his eyes off of them, Sharpie spoke.

“So, uh… Abby.”

“Yeah?” Abby replied.

“Um… we should go.”

“Yeah.”

Jon smiled and looked down at the ground and waited until they left before looking back up at Cameron. “So, dinner?” he asked.

She nodded her head, “Yeah, sure.”

“Come on, let’s go.” He placed his hand on the small of her back and they walked through the bowels of the arena to the player parking lot.

Jon walked over to open up the passenger side door of his Mercedes for Cameron. Sitting inside on the seat was a bouquet of fresh cut red and pink roses. The aroma escaped from the car and a smile pulled at Cameron’s lips.

“Oh. Huh. Wonder how those got there.” Jon said with a smirk.

Cameron let out a small laugh and grabbed the flowers. She held them up to her nose. “Thank you.” She said.

“Of course.” Jon replied.

Cameron climbed into the car and Jon shut the door. He walked around to the driver’s side and got in, sliding the key into the ignition all in one swift motion.

“So, where is the night taking us?” she asked.

“Well.” Jon said. “I was thinking we could get all fancy and head over to The Signature Club.”

“No, that’s too fancy.” She said, immediately rejecting his idea.

Jon laughed. “I knew you would say that. I’m just kidding. I was actually thinking we could be a little more casual. I could pick up some Chinese and we can head to my place. We can have dinner, talk, and not cause any speculation.” He said, knowing all too well that she’d rather be a homebody then be out in the spotlight.

“That sounds much better.”

Jon started driving and handed his phone to Cameron to order the food.

The 20-minute car ride to the restaurant then to his place was filled with an awkward, nervous silence. Neither of them knew what to say to the other. They were both lost in their own thoughts about how this night would go and how they would end up. They both felt a bit of relief once they showed up to their destination.

“New place?” Cameron asked, not recognizing the apartment building they pulled into.

“Yeah. Moved here awhile back.” Jon sighed. Truth be told, he moved to this place after their break-up. To the other side of town where he wouldn’t be constantly reminded of her.

They both climbed out of the car and Jon led her into the lobby of the building where they waited for the elevator. She checked out her surrounding, amazed at by the contemporary design of the lobby. “Looks nice.” She said.

“Yeah.” He replied.

The elevator door opened and they both walked inside. He hit the button for the 19th floor and they made their way up in silence. He led her to the door of his apartment and invited her inside. She held on tightly to the roses that he gave her and looked around at the apartment as she took her step inside.

It screamed bachelor pad. The walls were a dark grey and the furniture was black. She took off her heels and walked further into the apartment, following Jon into the kitchen. The kitchen looked over the Chicago River; the floor to ceiling windows provided the perfect view of the city’s skyline.

“Wow.” She said.

“Not a bad view, eh?” he said. He set the bag of carry out food down on the counter. “I’m going to go change out of this suit. I’ll be right back. Make yourself at home, k?”

“Okay.” She said still looking out the window.

Jon walked out of the room and she heard a bedroom door shut a few moments after. She looked around the rest of the kitchen. The stainless steel appliances were shiny and spotless and the sink was empty of any dirty dishes. She walked out into the dining room and then into a giant living room. Jon’s jerseys from the Olympics hung on the wall alongside signed baseball and basketball jerseys. A huge TV hung from the wall opposite a large black couch. It was homey. It was Jon. She walked over to the giant black entertainment center and took a look at some of the pictures he had framed. She smiled seeing the happy face of his mom and dad and felt a huge sense of pride looking at a picture of him holding the Stanley Cup.

“Hey.” He said, walking up behind her. He raised his hand up and rubbed her arm. “What are you lookin at?” he asked.

“Just looking around. That’s a pretty nice trophy you have there.” She said pointing to the cup.

“Yeah, it is.”

Cameron felt a tinge of regret knowing that he should have been there for him during that cup run. Instead, she was consumed by textbooks, doing everything she possibly could to avoid hockey.

“Hopefully you’ll see it again sometime soon, eh?” she asked turning around to look at him. He was now wearing a pair of jeans and a black sweater.

“Hopefully, yeah.” He smiled. “Ready for some dinner?”

“Yes, I’m starving.”

After they shared some laughs and dinner, they made their way into the living room. Cameron told Jon about work. Jon told Cameron about the guys on the team and his family. She was curled up in the corner of the couch with a glass of red wine with Jon sitting close to her. He pulled her legs over his lap. He rubbed his hands over the fabric of her jeans, comforting her.

“What do you want, Jon?” Cameron finally asked. She tilted her head to the side and rested it up against the couch. It wasn’t an abrasive question, but one of pure curiosity.

“You, Cameron.” He said with sincerity in his voice. “I miss this, tonight has been wonderful.”

“Just because you miss it though, doesn’t mean it will come back.”

“I know, Cam, and I will do whatever it takes.”

Cameron let out a sigh. “You know it wont just be that easy though, right?”

“Why can’t it be?” he asked.

“Jonathan.” Cameron said. “Let’s be realistic here.” She pulled her legs back away from him and tucked them under her body.

“Cam.” He replied, getting a bit defensive. “Can we not tonight, please?”
“No, we need to Jon. If this is going to be again, then we need to get everything that’s been pent up for the past however many years off our chests. I need to tell you how I feel in order for me to move forward. We shouldn’t put that off.”
“Fine.” John sighed, falling back into the couch.

“It’s not going to be the same. You and I will never be the same. Why? Because we both have extremely demanding jobs. We will never get to see each other. It was bad enough when I was in medical school, it will be much worse now that I’m actually working in the hospital. Also, let’s talk about what happened the last time we were together.”

“Cameron.” Jon said trying to get her to stop. She was getting frustrated and she was about to take it all out on him. Which he knew he deserved. Again.

“No. Don’t say my name like that. You said you wanted to talk, we’re talking.” She said. “Let’s talk about another reason why we will never be the same. Let’s talk about the baby that you didn’t want.”

That was a direct shot to the heart for Jon. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He deserved everything she was giving him right now.

“Remember that, Jon? I’m sure my miscarriage was probably the best thing that could have happened to you. As I recall, you never really seemed that disappointed. The thought of having a baby scared you so much that you started spending as much time as possible at the rink and the gym. You stopped coming around. You started to avoid me. And look where that got you. To a Stanley Cup final. I’m happy all that hard work paid off for you. I’m happy you chose hockey over a family.”

Cameron looked down to hide the fact that tears were now streaming down her face. All the pent up frustration finally found its way out.

Jonathan let out a heavy sigh and sat on the edge of the couch. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked over at Cameron. He reached over and rubbed her leg again and then got up from the couch. He walked out of the room without saying a word.

“Damn it.” Cameron said to herself. She set her glass of wine down on the coffee table and tried to gather her thoughts once more. She stood up and was about to leave, and then he walked back into the room.

“I was scared.” He said.

She looked up at him and watched as he stepped closer.

“I was scared, but I wanted it. I wasn’t ready for a kid, but I was ready to learn and to start a life with you.”

“You… what?” she asked, confused.

“I bought this the day after you told me.” He said holding up a very little, very cute baby-sized Blackhawks jersey. He moved closer to her, close enough to reach out and touch her. He handed her the jersey and watched as she examined it. “I know I wasn’t perfect back them. I’m not perfect now either, but I’ve grown up. I did some stupid things and not a day goes by that I don’t regret doing what I did to you. I shouldn’t have avoided you; I shouldn’t have been so scared. I knew all along that everything would have been okay as long as I had you there. All the success that I experienced that season was a result of you, Cam. All my frustration, my anger, everything, I put into my game. It was my outlet. I ran for hockey because I was scared. I was scared about taking the next step, but not taking that next step and losing you as a result of it – that was the scariest thing that could have happened.”

He moved his hand to her face and gently wiped away her tears. “Cameron, get me out of this nightmare, be with me. Love me.”