Holding on to You

Carter's POV

Silence.

That's all there was in the car.

Silence.

Brian and I left for our honeymoon about an hour ago and Brian has yet to say anything. I know he's still beating himself up because of him cheating on me. Cheating? This shouldn't even be considered cheating. He had no idea what he was doing and he thought Sadie was me. I know most people wouldn't be acting as calmly as I am, but we've been through so much together, and Sadie finally went too far to get us apart, but I can't let her win. I won't let her or my Mother tear Brian and I apart.

I glanced over at Brian and he was leaning back into his seat with his left hand gripping the steering wheel, tightly. His eyes were glued to the road ahead of us and he had a blank expression on his face, which meant that he was upset. Whenever he was down or upset about something, he would try to hide his emotions by throwing a poker face on. I always saw right through it.

This was getting too much to handle, so I reached by hand over the console and took his right hand into mine. He turned his head to look at me and I saw a flicker of sorrow in his eyes. That took a tug at my heart. I gave him the best smile that I could, but that only made him pull his hand away.

"Brian." I groaned.

A sigh fell from his lips, "Carter, how can you act like nothing happened?" I went to respond, but he continued, "I cheated on you. I fucking cheated on you and I have no memory of it. Do you know how that makes me feel inside?"

"What, you think it doesn't kill me to know that you cheated on me? Well, it does kill me. I feel like my heart is going to rip in two, but there's something that's stopping it."

He switched lanes while asking, "What's that?"

I adjusted myself in the seat, "My love for you. Brian, I know you would never do that to me. Your loyalty to me is something I've always loved about you-"

"But I did cheat on you." He said, while putting his aviators on his eyes. It was dark out, so I knew the real reason why he put them on.

A frustrated groan escaped my lips, "Brian, what is it going to take? Do you not want to be with me anymore?" I asked, immediately regretting it, because I was afraid of his answer.

Within seconds, he pulled to the side of the highway, and shoved the car in park. He turned to me and took my hands into his, "Carter, how could you even ask something like that?"

Tears started to fill in my eyes, "That's what it seems like! I mean, I should be the one acting like you, but I'm not. I'm trying to show you that I still love you, but you keep rejecting me. I don't know what to do anymore." I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.

Brian wiped it off with his thumb, "I'm sorry. It's just hard to see you so accepting about this. I think I would feel better if you were pissed off at me or hit me."

"Brian, it wasn't your fault. You need to realize that or I don't think we'll ever be able to move on from this." I explained, while wiping my eyes to get rid of the tears.

He shook his head with sorrow in his eyes, "Carter, I still cheated on you-"

Something came over me and I slapped him on the cheek, hard. He grabbed his cheek and looked at me in shock. I smirked at him, "Feel any better?"

"That fucking hurt!" He exclaimed, with a hint of humor in his voice, which made me feel better. My Brian was coming back.

I shrugged, "Yeah, well you deserved it! You cheated on me, you dirty.." I looked around trying to find a word, "Man!" I used the first one that came to mind, which didn't seem to be a good one.

Brian busted out laughing, "That's the best you can come up with?"

It felt so good to hear him laughing.

A smile plastered across my face, "Hey! I was put on the spot! Plus, I could never call you names."

Brian pulled on my hands to hold me close to him. He leaned his forehead against mine, "You're really okay?"

"Yes, Brian. I wouldn't be here in the car with you at one o clock in the morning, parked on the side of the interstate if I wasn't okay." I said in matter of fact kind of tone.

That made him capture my lips into a kiss. I didn't think twice about deepening it. I bit on his bottom lip, knowing that would turn him on. He moaned into my mouth, which gave me the chance to slip my tongue into his mouth. Our tongues battled for dominance and before we got too heated up, he pulled away, "I love you so fucking much, Carter, and I'm sorry."

I leaned up and kissed his cheek, "I know you are, Brian, and I forgive you. You don't have to keep apologizing, okay? I love you and you love me, that's all that matters."

His deep brown eyes stared into mine, "Just you and me till the end." A smile broke out on his face, and I knew I finally got through to him.

We sat there for a while, just staring at each other. I looked away to see that it was going on two in the morning. I looked back at Brian, "The way we're going, we're not going to get to the cabin until five in the morning."

That made him turn back into his seat, "Shit, better get moving then." He put the car back in drive and pulled back onto the highway. I leaned over and took his hand into mine. This time, he didn't pull away. Instead he gave me a smile, that made my heart pound.

After another hour of being on the road, I was getting restless. I didn't realize how long this drive was until now. Brian noticed this and sent a smile in my direction, "We're about an hour away, babe."

"Hmph." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

Brian chuckled, "Someone's getting impatient."

I rolled my eyes, "I don't remember it taking this long to get there."

"Well that's because you were always sound asleep on my lap." He smirked.

The memories of sleeping on his lap swam through my mind as a smile formed on my lips, "That feels like forever ago."

Brian shrugged, "Four years is pretty long."

I agreed and continued to stare out the window. I wasn't only restless, but I was getting bored, too. I reached over to the dial on the radio and turned it on. The sound of Pearl Jam filled the speakers and I scrunched my nose up in disgust. I liked them, I just wasn't really in the mood for it. I turned the dial and stopped when I heard a piano and live cheers. A smile formed on my lips, realizing it was Elton John's own Bennie and The Jets. I blame my brother for my love for Elton John. He sings his songs all the time. I turned the volume up and listened to the song.

Brian took me by surprise and started to sing it, "Hey kids, shake it loose together. The spotlight's hitting something that's been known to change the weather." The tone of his voice sent chills down my spine. I've never heard him sing like this before. I've heard him sing in joking tones, but this was so much better. I turned to him, waiting for more.

He kept his eyes on the road, but smiled, knowing I was looking at him, "We'll kill the fatted calf tonight, so stick around," The piano continued as Brian took a pause, only to keep singing, "You're gonna hear electric music, solid walls of sound. Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet
But they're so spaced out.." He turned his head to grin at me, "Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba- Bennie and the Jets."

I couldn't contain my smile, his singing was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. Elton John's voice continued and he pointed to me, "Sing it, Baby." A blush formed on my cheeks as I waited for a good part to sing, which just happened to be my favorite part of the whole song, "She's got electric boots, a mohair suit, you know I read it in a magaziiinnee.... Ohhh!"

Brian and I both smiled at each other, "Ba-Ba-Ba-Bennie and the Jets!" We sang in unison.

We sang the rest of the song together and I couldn't feel anymore happier than I could at this moment. It was three in the morning and I was in the car with my husband, singing Elton John, on the way to our honeymoon. Nothing could get better than this.