Life As We Know It

It all happened so fast, one minute I am single, happy, out partying with my friends and the next I am in a downtown Pittsburgh police station being told my mother and step father have just died in a car accident. Now I have a 2 month old baby to take care of and no idea how.

You might be asking why and how? When my mom was 16 she got pregnant with me and her boyfriend of the time left her. I grew up with her and my grandparents. I was 17 when she met John and then a year later they were married. They just had a beautiful baby boy about 2 months ago and now he is mine. I am next of kin and my mom put me in her will as legal guardian if anything happened to them.

I am numb. The police office is just standing there staring at me.

“Miss, the child was being looked after by the neighbor at the time but now is in Protective Services. You will be able to see him after you fill out all the paper work. What I suggest is you go home, process everything, and go to Social Services in the morning” he said with a sullen look on his face.

“Thank you” I say and walk out to hail a cab with two bags of personal belongings.

“Where to honey?” the cabbie asks and I tell him my address in a daze.

Once I get back to my apartment ad into the shower it finally sets in that I am an orphan and now have to raise a child. I cry until the water gets too cold to stand, even then I just turn the water off and sit there bawling my eyes out. Finally, after God knows how long, I peel myself out of the bathtub and crawl into bed. I lay there thinking over every detail of my mom and step dad, my last words to them, what she smelled like, stuff like that. I fall into restless sleep and wake up with a jolt when my alarm goes off at 7 am.

I wrestle on some clothes and shoes, grab my purse and jacket on the way out of my apartment. While in the elevator I find my keys and phone and look up the address of Social Services. My only concern and priority is my baby brother.

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I just got done being told what is going to happen and signing all the needed documents signing over Austin to me and now I am just waiting for him to be brought out of the back. I see him being carried out by one of the social workers and I want to cry because this is so unfair to him. Instead of an amazing mother and father to raise him he has me, a 21 year old bartender.

When she reaches me she hands him over. He is so tiny and vulnerable that I shed a tear or two before I get a hold of myself. I lean down and kiss his forehead before whispering to him “I will always be here for you”

Thirty minutes later, after a lesson on baby car seats, we are all strapped in and ready to go.

“Well I need to stop at my place before we go over to mom and dads” I say out loud, knowing he is asleep and won’t understand anything I am saying. “All of your stuff is there and it would be such a hassle to bring it over to my place and I don’t have the room, so I am going to move into the house” I say looking back at the little mirror showing me his sleeping face.

After stopping off at my place and grabbing everything I would need for a week. We were now on our way to the house. My parents lived in a nice suburb of Pittsburgh with big houses and a gate. Since they were both bankers they had a lot of money but used it tastefully.

I could see when I was at a stop light that Austin has woken up by now and is starting to get fussy. Don’t babies need to eat like every 3 hours? Fuck if I know.

I pulled into the driveway and tuned the car off, fining the key on my ring wasn’t hard but trying to decide what to do next was. Do I take in Austin first and leave him there while I get the rest of the stuff or get the stuff while I leave him in the car and get him last? Since it was late February I knew it would be warmer in the house than the car so I decided the first option was the best.

“Okay little man, I am going to put you inside for a minute while I get my stuff. I’m not strong enough to do both and get the door unlocked” I said to him as I unfastened his seat. “Oh it is chilly outside!” I said and hurried this process up a little. I get him inside and settled before going outside to the trunk to get my bag. As I am walking back I see my new neighbor pull out of his garage before heading down the street in his nice Mercedes. I rolled my eyes as I walked back in “Rich people” I mutter.

After finding a book on babies my mom had on the bookshelf I read that they needed to eat every 3-4 hours. After reading up on warming the milk, and how much, and finding the bottles and formula I was ready for my first feeding of Austin. I sat down in a big chair and situated him so we were both comfortable. I put the bottle up to his mouth and he latched on immediately, after feeling the force of him sucking I wondered if it hurt to breastfeed, but I would find that out if I ever had kids in the distant future.

While feeding him I read about burping and sleeping since that is what is going to happen soon. When he was done I carefully put him on my shoulder and prayed he didn’t throw up all over me. He didn’t and I could breathe again, I didn’t know where to put him for his nap so I held him for a while. I was walking around touring the house with him when I found this chair that swings and it looks relaxing so I set him in it and turned it on to the lowest setting. He didn’t wake up so I turned the baby monitor, I found, on and took the other with me as I went to unpack in the guest room down the hall.

After everything was situated I collapsed on my bed and the weight of everything became too much. I cried until I heard another cry fill the room, Austin was up and needed me. I hope he just needed to be bounced back to sleep because it was only 1 o’clock and I was already getting tired. I walked back in the room to find the swing stopped so I turned it back on and he fell back asleep almost immediately.

“Well if I want to do this right I need to study” I whispered to myself as I walked down the stairs to find that book again. It was in the kitchen and just the site of the fridge made my stomach growl. I made a sandwich and sat at the island to read while I ate. By the time I was done with lunch Austin was making noises again and from the book I assumed he needed to be changed.

After checking him I was right. “Okay buddy, now if you spray me we will have words” I said because I have heard boys can pee on you when getting changed. I got everything I would need to change him, clean diaper, baby powder, and wipes. I peeled back the tabs slowly and pulled the diaper back, shielding myself just in case. “You are a stinky boy, you know that?” I asked him in a voice as he stared up at me with a smile on his face.

“I have successfully changed my first diaper” I announced with a proud smile “Thank you, thank you” I said to no one and took a bow.

The rest of the day went pretty much the same way and now I was sliding into bed with the baby monitor on the stand next to me. It was day one, I was tired and I still had the night to look forward to. After the day I had I now have the most respect for my mother but she is no longer here for me to tell her. And for the second night in a row I cried myself to sleep.