Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back

It took a few weeks before Gerard finally opened up to Frank, and when he did it was as if the dam of a lake was blasted open and all the water flooded out.

It was late when it happened. Frank had been sitting in one of the few rooms with a bed thinking about how unsafe it was becoming in the area they were occupying. Ever since he had showed up and lead all the walkers to their corner it seemed to hardly ever calm down enough for them to sneak out for supplies. Some had even broken into the bottom floor and were making their ways up the stairwells and wandering in the halls. They had barricaded the door pretty well but it was only a matter of time before they broke through.

Three AM had rolled around and everyone was in the living room telling goofy stories and playing card games. Everyone except Gerard and Frank who both had the same thing on their mind: their safety. Gerard had become rather close to Frank after confessing that he too was gay the night Frank broke all the barriers and let his emotions free. Gerard knew all there was to know about Frank, but Frank couldn’t say the same about Gerard. He knew little facts about him, like he had a brother, he was gay, he was an artist, and a number of other small, yet insignificant, details. Sure they’d have conversations about music as they seemed to like most of the same bands, and they talked an awful lot about Frank’s band. Gerard swore he’d seen them play before, but he couldn’t be certain as he spent most of his days prior to the outbreak drunk and stoned out of his mind.

And it started out with that fact when the flood of what was Gerard’s life came spilling out of his mouth as Frank sat next to him on the small twin bed and just listened to everything he had to say. Gerard had been in the hospital about a month before the outbreak because he crashed his car into a guard rail on a bridge, hoping he would dive off the edge and into the water, ultimately resulting in his suicide. That didn’t happen obviously, instead he spun out and got t-boned by a semi and was unconscious for four days. He spent two weeks in the hospital and it was his brother Mikey who had convinced him that he needed to keep living. Gerard quit cold turkey with the drugs and alcohol and he found a new sense of self worth when he left the hospital. He wanted to live; he needed to live, not only for his sake, but for his brother’s. He realized he could do anything with his life, and he wanted to make a difference in the world. He was lined up for a job interview for a particularly large non-profit organization that helped LGBT teens, right before the outbreak hit. He was actually on his way to the interview when he saw his first zombie, though at the time he figured it was just a beat to shit drunken homeless person.

When the undead took over the towns and cities he knew he needed to do something to help those few that were actually living. He ran around the town he grew up in, Bellville, searching for families who needed help getting to the refugee camp in the city. He was so drawn to help others that he completely forgot about his own family, and burst through the doors one day to find his parents had turned and Mikey cowering in a corner, trying not to look at what had become of his mom and dad. Gerard blew their heads off without a thought and dragged Mikey out of the infested house and to a car that held the original twelve in his group. They made it to Jersey City only to find the camp destroyed and their only hope gone. That’s when three of the twelve, a small family that consisted of a mother, a father, and a young child, took their lives in the lobby of the apartment building. Gerard knew he needed to give the rest of his group hope so he took on the leader role and built his own refugee camp on the top floor in the penthouse apartment of the grimy building.

A few weeks after setting up their post, one of the group got bitten but failed to tell anyone. She ran a fever, continually had hallucinations, and even though all the signs were there, no one had bothered to check if she was turning. It was late when she passed and everyone grieved, unsure of what exactly she died of, and laid her to rest on the bed that Gerard and Frank were currently sitting on until they could give her a proper burial. (That fact made Frank squirm a little, and had Gerard emit a giggle at his cumbersome expression.) Hours later she awoke again while most everyone in the house was asleep and set on her way to get her first taste of human flesh. The first person she got to was Ray Toro, Bob’s best friend since grade school. It was a gruesome sight to walk in on first thing in the morning, and it was even worse that Bob was the one who opened the door first with Gerard right over his shoulder. The newly created walker was feasting on one of their beloved as he squirmed and nipped at her, for he had turned over night after the first bite. It was in the room across the hall that had been marked as a forbidden zone. Gerard assured him they had disposed of the bodies and they weren’t in the apartment, but in the basement. It was just too hard to clean the mess up and it held too many graphic images.

“Who shot them? I mean you couldn’t have left them in the basement to live, you had to of offed them.” Frank inquired quietly as Gerard finished that leg of his tale.

“I had to; Bob couldn’t though I know he wanted to. He said it was a plan he and Ray had since they first heard about the outbreak. He said they promised each other that if they turned into one of those things they’d be the ones to kill each other. But it was just far too much for the poor guy to handle. I think he resents me for being the one to kill him and that’s why he’s so hostile towards me, but it was a danger to the group if we had left him there long enough for Bob to pluck up the courage to do it.” Gerard explained, sounding slightly flustered at the fact that Bob still resented him for saving their lives.

Gerard then continued on to the most heartbreaking part of his tale, and it left Frank in tears just looking at the broken man spill his guts. Gerard explained that before Johnny was designated the supply runner, Mikey had been in charge of that area because he was quick and quiet. One day Gerard went with Mikey because he needed a specific item from the pharmacy that he knew Mikey wouldn’t recognize. Gerard explained that he never told anyone what he was looking for then, because it would only freak them out, but he told Frank at that moment. He was looking for Cyanide tablets. He said he wanted them just in case he got cornered unarmed and needed an out that didn’t involve blowing his brains out.

While he was on his quest with Mikey they got separated. He spent as long as he could looking for his brother, hoping and praying he just took a wrong turn and was somewhere safe. But when night started to descend on the city he had to return to the refuge. He had other people to keep safe, and he knew they wouldn’t get far without him. He spent three days after that looking for his brother, but never found him. He only hoped that he found someone who could keep him safe, maybe an army base that wasn’t over run, maybe he was picked up by the helicopter he saw earlier that day, anything. He admitted to Frank that he still hadn’t given up hope, and sometimes when he disappeared with Johnny for supplies he was actually running through the city looking for Mikey. He knew deep down that he was safe. It was honestly the only thing keeping him going.

“Maybe you need something else to keep you going.” Frank suggested quietly a few minutes after Gerard finished speaking.

“Maybe you could be that something.” Gerard suggested back.