City Lights

I was at All Time Low’s bus hanging out with Jess and Austin. They were being all cute and I felt really out of place. I think Jess sense this and cut it down a bit. I don’t know if they are dating over not. I’ll have to ask her later.

“So, Chris has a girlfriend?” Austin asked. I nodded.

“Are you jealous?” Jess asked. I glared at her before shaking my head.

“No, Chris is one of my friends. I was just pissed off that he hadn’t talk to me in a week and he tried blaming that shit on me.” I said. Austin looked at Jess and they both smiled then smiled at me.

“You totally like Chris.” Jess said. I shook my head.

“I do not. Come on, fuck off.” I said folding my arms across my chest. I shouldn’t be made because they were both right. I just couldn’t tell it if it was like just a fan crush or if I really did like him. Nothing was going to happen. He was perfectly happy with Nikki and I was just his merch girl.

“Liar, Liar pants on fire.” Austin sang. I shook my head before smiling.

“Fuck you bitches.” I said. Austin and Jess both just laughed then went back to talking about something. I just sat there awkwardly. My phone vibrated in my back pocket. I dug it out and saw it was from Ricky.

From: Ricky
Where are you? I’m worried sick. Love you wife.

I laughed because he was still calling me his wife. I looked up and saw Jess laying her head on Austin shoulder. She was crying. Austin looked at me, shaking his head. I took that as just don’t bother her. I nodded my head.

Why are you so worried, husband? I’m leaving All Time Low’s bus. Where are you, honey?

“I’m going to go find Ricky. He’s been worried about me.” I said standing up. Jess sat straight then stood up and hugged me.

“I’m only a phone call away, love. Call me whenever.” I said hugging her back. I felt her nod. She went back over and sat next to Austin. He waved goodbye. I returned the favor and walked off the bus only running into Matty. No matter where I go, he’s always around me.

“Are you stalking me, Matty Mullins?” I laughed.

“Oh damn, you’ve caught me.” He said putting his hands up, laughing.

“I should run but I’ve done enough running for today. How are you?” I asked walking with him to where ever he was going.

“I’m alright. The wife and I got into a bit of a fuss today but I’m sure we’ll get through it. How are you?” He asked.

“I’m good. So where are you headed?” I asked.

“I’m off to the Fuse tent to do a signing.” He said. I nodded my head then notice that Ricky was standing under Motionless In White’s tent.

“I’m going to go see Ricky. I’ll talk to you later, okay.” I said.

“You better, PG.” He laughed. I waved goodbye and walked over to Ricky.

“How is my husband doing?” I asked. He looked up. He hugged.

“You had me so worried. Where have you been?” He asked.

“I’m sorry. I was at the All Time Low’s bus then left there and was walking with Matty.” I said. He nodded then looked around.

“Chris isn’t back at the bus. Want to go back there and chill?” He asked. I shrugged. He grabbed my hand and we walked towards the buses. Once we were back on the bus, we just chilled out for a bit. We were watching a movie and half way through it, Ricky had put his arm around me. I snuggled up to his side. He was like the best friend I never really had.

“Are you okay, Phoenix?” He asked. I looked up and saw him staring down at me. I nodded.

“Of course I am. I’m fine.” I said turning my attention back to the movie. I heard a bloody scream and then blood splattered on the window. I screamed out because I wasn’t expecting that. I felt Ricky laugh. I shook my head.

“I was not expecting that.” I said. I felt him kiss the top of my head. Did he just kiss me? I snuggled into his chest more and I felt him pull me tighter into him. I must have dozed off because I heard Chris come in and scream. I shot up from where I was laying. Wait…laying I looked down and saw Ricky had laid down as well. I looked at Chris.

“What the fuck is going on?” Chris asked.

“Nothing…I fell asleep watching a movie. It’s been a stressful day.” I said.

“Why were you laying on top of Ricky?” Chris asked. I shrugged. Ricky sat up then stood up.

“Piss off, Motionless.” Ricky said before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bunks. He hugged me.

“I’m sorry about that. I don’t know why he fucking cares so much.” He said.

“I care because I don’t want you getting hurt by this whore.” Chris said pointing to me. My mouth fell open.

“You just did not call her a whore. You don’t even know her.” Ricky shouted.

“I’m sure she’s just an easy fuck.” Chris said. I was furious. I was beyond pissed off. Why the fuck was Chris acting like this? What the fuck does he even care?

“Have you even opened your fucking eyes when you see me, Motionless? I’m an ugly mother fucker. I’m a fat fuck. No one could ever fucking love me. I’m just a worthless piece of shit. I do not go around fucking guys. I’m fucked up. I’m better off with Tyler.” I said as the tears streamed down my face. Why was Chris acting like this? I thought he was always the kind one.

“That’s all a fucking lie, Phoenix. You don’t realize how fucking amazing you are. “Chris shouted before storming out. I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the ground. I felt Ricky pull me up and into my bunk.

“Stay with me, please.” I whispered. He nodded then climbed into my bunk.

“Chris is falling for you, PG. I can see it. He just scared because he’s in a bad situation right now.” Ricky said. I shook my head.

“No, he’s not. I’m not a person someone can love. I’m worthless, Ricky. I’m absolutely worthless.” I cried. It was silent for so long that I fell asleep in Ricky arms.